MIL doesn’t want to come to grandsons birthday party.

[Lovejoywasodd]

We invited MIL to our 3 year olds Birthday Party. He is her only grandson. She was all over him in the first year and a half of his life but now does not seem bothered. I sent her a lovely invite and she responded that she cannot come because “it is not quite my thing” and saying we can meet up another time.
I have done so much for this selfish, narcissistic, woman and now attending her own grandsons birthday is too much for her?
My DH is really disappointed but not surprised, she moved away from him in his teens to chase a man. However, I think he thought she had changed and would be better with her grandson.
AIBU to ask for help crafting a response to her text?

Op, including people like this leads to alot of hurt. She is playing games with you and it's fine now while he is 3. Don't expose him to this crap just don't include her to parties anymore, don't force what's not there.

My mum loves my son. But hates kids birthday parties!!

My parents and in laws didn't want to come to dd's 'kids' party either, we asked but in the full knowledge that it's not that appealing! We do a separate family birthday tea that they attend.

My GP's didn't attend mine or my sibs birthday parties. My parents have never attended my dc's parties. I never expected them to. My dc had parties to spend a crazy few hours with their friends.

My parents spent time with them on their actual birthdays but never at the children's party.

I hope to God I'm not expected to attend my GC birthday parties when s/He is born next month. I would do anything for my dc and their dc. I draw the line at spending hours with a roomful of people I most likely don't know or don't like and being in the middle of a load of screaming 3 year olds.

I'm sure your parents would prefer to celebrate their gc's special day by popping by, giving him his present, sharing a small birthday cake and generally spending some quiet, quality time with him.

Nobody would choose to attend a young child's birthday party unless they are a young child.

It's no big deal. I'm sure your 3 year old won't miss them.

It's rather unusual to ask friends of teenage children to a party for a 3 year old. DD is 18. If I had received an invitation I would be making my excuses. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt etc.

I wouldn't even reply tbh.

Oh god no. I don’t even throw parties till mine are in school then I invite their friends not family. I tolerate children’s parties even my own but I get no enjoyment from attending unless I get on amazingly with the parents and we basically have a good laugh while the kids bowl or whatever. We have a family infants birthday to attend in a couple of months time and I’m completely dreading it, no get out clause because they even checked the date was one we where free too before we knew why.

YANBU to feel hurt. Birthday parties are family events and you attend to make the birthday boy/girl happy even if you don't enjoy them. (For knows I've been to plenty of birthday parties for close friends and family that "weren't my thing"). That said there's no point wishing she was someone she isn't. She's selfish and narcissistic so she's likely to remain that way. She'll love DS when he's doing something entertaining or providing her with lovely Facebook photos then she'll lose interest when it involved any effort at all. I would definitely save yourself as much heartache as possible and accept that she'll always be this way and not expect anything from her.

I'm sorry to be glib but you can look at this with fresh eyes.

The woman stinks and you are rid of her! Fuck her off. She abandoned her son and now she wants to do the same as a grandparent.

Don't be sad. Be relieved. Redraw your boundaries and go low contact. Your life will be much better for it. Trust me.

only DH’s father is coming. Dh’s brother said he didn’t want to come unless it was an evening thing??? DH’s sister didn’t bother responding

So why is this thread complaining specifically about your MiL, and not about other people you invited but who are choosing not to come ?
Strikes me as another example of MiLs being thought of as some kind of different species.

I don’t think any relatives ever came to birthday parties. Maybe my sister in law with her daughter once or twice but most didn’t.

My mum has never ever come to one of her 10 grandkids parties. She isn't interested in anyone but herself. Has no interest in seeing them or asking after them. Everything is about her. As soon as they weren't babies she had no interest.

You learn to get use to it.

Is it a small family only party or 30 screaming toddlers? If its the latter, not everyone can cope with a lot of v small over excited children. My neighbours daughter has v young relatives etc but couldn't cope with being a nursery assistant, she felt totally overwhelmed. Maybe she'd be up for doing a separate quieter thing like presents over tea & cakes.

I adore my nieces went to one birthday party and swore never again. Her reply was honest if nothing else

It does sound more like a party for you rather than the 3 year old with so many adults ....I’m not surprised your MIL doesn’t want to go really!

As my kids have got older the grandparents have stopped coming to parties too. We always do something else with them instead. If I needed help I'm sure they'd chip in but they'd prefer not given the noise, overexcitement and general exuberance.

Try not to take it personally. Unless there are also other reasons you think she doesn't care?