MIL doesn’t want to come to grandsons birthday party.

[Lovejoywasodd]

We invited MIL to our 3 year olds Birthday Party. He is her only grandson. She was all over him in the first year and a half of his life but now does not seem bothered. I sent her a lovely invite and she responded that she cannot come because “it is not quite my thing” and saying we can meet up another time.
I have done so much for this selfish, narcissistic, woman and now attending her own grandsons birthday is too much for her?
My DH is really disappointed but not surprised, she moved away from him in his teens to chase a man. However, I think he thought she had changed and would be better with her grandson.
AIBU to ask for help crafting a response to her text?

No biggie. Just tell her it's a pity and move on. Sounds like dodging a bullet.

Another one in the same boat

We’ve just had a “party” for ds2’s first birthday (so paddling pool for the kids, BBQ, and booze for the adults)

Was mil anywhere to be seen? Was she fuck.

Fil has never met ds2, not seen Ds1 since he was 9 months (he’s now 3.5)

Fuck ‘em, they don’t matter. Stop trying to include her, it’s not worth the hassle

Kids birthday parties aren't really anyone's cup of tea are they? I don't think MIL is BU in saying it's not her thing.

I don't enjoy kids parties either. If I'd had a choice I wouldn't have gone to my own DC

I think the concensus is that I am being unreasonable about the party. I think I am projecting my resentment at her not wanting to spend any time with ds onto this one event. I will just give a neutral response and enjoy the day without her.
For those asking it was 8 kids and 20 adults in a community hall.

HolyMountain said: "just send a 'that's a shame, we'll miss you being here' and leave it at that.

Do you really want her there if she's not interested?."

I agree with that. You don't know her reasons, she may feel overwhelmed by a lot of children & maybe some of the adults present. It really isn't everyone's thing.

Doesn't mean she doesn't love her grandson. So let it go.

MiL is NBU to not want to come.
You haven't said what you are doing, but, unless it is a very small tea party (you, dh, dc and her) then it's likely to be something most of us wouldn't particularly want to do. She has said she'd rather see him another time. Why not reply. 'OK, thanks for letting us know - what about X/Y/Z' to come over for lunch / tea?'

I wouldn't bother responding at all. she has told you she isn't coming, so I would leave it.

x posted.
Well there you go.
She wouldn't get much tim with him, and it makes sense to spend time together when it will be just him and her with you.

Given the choice I wouldn’t go to my own children’s birthday parties...

We’ve never invited nor expected grandparents to attend birthday parties. My mum came to 1 of them once to help out with the craft things but that was it.

Some grandparents like GC parties - some don't. That's life. Not a big deal.

As Iin Your words she is selfish and narcissistic i guess that you’re rsponse to her is a little prejudged. ,y Mum has never been to a GCs party and I am fine with that as she has other strengths. It sounds liké this is just the final straw for you.

8 kids and 20 adults - yup I would happily avoid it too!

Another MiL can do no right complaint - these are so tedious.

Do you mean 8 adults and 20 kids?

And do you mean Community Hell?

Honestly OP, MIL may be a cow for all we know, but this isn't the reason to have a falling out with her. Polite response required.

Nope it is 20 adults and 8 kids.

Maybe she just doesn’t want to spend any time with a group of exited 3 year olds. They are a bit full on!

DM admits to not being that interested in children once they are about 18 months old until they start school. DGM wouldn’t have children under 5 in the house without one of their parents.

“Ok, thanks.”

Her loss. More cake for you.

never invited a grand parent to a child's birthday party! I wouldn't have expected them to want to come at ll

Kids parties are hideous. I can’t imagine inviting parents or in laws!

Her reply isn’t that impolite? Kids parties are noisy and chaotic and she won’t get to spend time with her grandchild as there will be lots of others around. However that doesn’t mean she isn’t a nightmare in other ways. I wouldn’t stress that she’s not coming, she doesn’t sound like the type to lend a hand to help you?

I don't think it is a biggie either. The first birthday of each of my children was a family affair, possibly the second in the case of my pfb, but after that, it wouldn't even have occurred to me to invite family, especially when they started to have friends they could invite. In fact, thinking about it, pfb's birthday falls at a time of year when my MIL is often around (she lives in another country) and she has sometimes been present at his various parties, but never specifically at my invitation (though I don't mind her being there). I don't think your MIL is unreasonable to say she doesn't want to attend the party. Unless the other invitees are all family too?

Leave her to it, Shes the one missing out

Dumbledoresgirl only DH’s father is coming. Dh’s brother said he didn’t want to come unless it was an evening thing??? DH’s sister didn’t bother responding. My family are all in other countries.

Wouldn’t be my thing either, tbh. I don’t remember inviting either grandma to any children’s parties (apart from the first birthday when it was just grandmas). I had my fill of children’s parties when mine were small, I would not relish attending any more!