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AIBU?

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Original poster

About chubby legs

65 replies

Ribrabrob · 31/07/2018 16:29

I was sat next to my boyfriend and he looked down at my legs and said with a smile 'aw look at your chubby legs!'. Immediately I was upset and he was shocked that I was, he quickly explained that he didn't mean it horribly and that he likes my chubby legs. He said he meant it in admiring way.

I'm the first to admit that yes, I do have chubby legs but I'm trying to lose weight and do something about it. The thing is I'm 100% certain he didn't mean it to be offensive, as I say he was upset that I was upset and apologised that he had offended me.

Regardless of this, aibu to be upset he said it? Or am innit over dramatic (probably yes!)? I know I'm chubby but I don't really want to hear it, even when it's meant as a compliment. I think the the thing that makes it harder is that I'm very self conscious and he knows this.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 31/07/2018 16:31

I think if you believe he wasn't trying to be offensive, and assuming he now doesn't do it again, you have to get over it.

Clairenewbie · 31/07/2018 16:32

You’d be a lot less chubby when you get Rid of the useless unthoughtful lump of lard who doesn’t put brain into action before talking, you are with.

Jaimx86 · 31/07/2018 16:36

My DH told me he loved my plump thighs about three weeks into our relationship (now 10 years). I was horrified but he genuinely meant it as a compliment. I was very slim (small 8) at the time, but my legs are very toned (years of sport). I think people just need to think more carefully about their choice of adjectives sometimes!

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 31/07/2018 16:36

I think it’s quite sweet that he was so oblivious to the fact that you might’ve been offended. It means he truly does admire how your legs look and it just didn’t occur to him that you wouldn’t be complimented.

My DP loves that my arse is quite massive, I’m not a particularly big person (UK size 10) but my bum is big/round. I used to be self conscious but I’ve learnt to love it.

Thick thighs and big arses are in 👌🏼

AtrociousCircumstance · 31/07/2018 16:37

Sounds like he wasn’t trying to hurt you. Also sounds like he’s a bit dumb.

Has he missed the bit about living in a patriarchy where women’s bodies are endlessly criticised and being anything other than skinny is peddled as defective?

Because that’s kind of everywhere...Confused

If you can see he’s mortified (and loves your legs as they are) then forgive him, this time. Maybe make double sure that he knows not to use words like that in future.

KatieKittens · 31/07/2018 16:38

If he genuinely didn’t mean to be offensive, I think you are reading to much into it.

Everyone can put their foot in their mouth.

Trinity66 · 31/07/2018 16:38

Oh dear, he's either a total idiot or he a total asshole

Aprilshowersinjuly · 31/07/2018 16:39

You could say his penis was a little cutie.

daisyinatree · 31/07/2018 16:40

Wow, why do men think it's OK to comment on a woman's weight?

When I was 17-18 ish, I was 10 stone (5 ft 6,) and a size 12, and this bloke I was seeing kept calling me 'chubster' and 'little lump' and saying my arse fills the couch' and he 'loves my little pot belly' and he laughed as he was saying it. Coz it was soooooooo funny. Hmm

Seriously, I was fucking slim! I had a 26" waist.

After a few months, he started to comment on what a great figure a female colleague of his has - she was 7 stone and about 5 ft 8. It was clear what kind of woman he wanted - one who was very thin.

I am not having a go at her, and would never attack anyone's body shape, and she was not the problem anyway! And I had had enough then, I had got sick of the comments about my body, and I didn't even like him anymore. So I said 'just fuck off and date her then if you prefer her' and stormed off.

He called me 3 or 4 times, but I ignored his calls. Then he stopped trying, and I never saw him again. No loss.

Your DP may not have meant it as 'offensive' but any man who takes a pop at his woman's body shape and size is a rude twat who is trying to make you feel insecure, and deserves dumping if they keep saying it. 'I like your plump thighs' is not a compliment. It's letting you know you are carrying extra weight, and he obviously doesn't like it or he would not comment. (IMO.)

I don't know why they say things. Maybe to keep you a little insecure and grateful that he is attracted to you. Hmm

Whatever the reason, it's out of order, and not acceptable.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 31/07/2018 16:40

Hmmm, tactless fucker or abusive arsehole.

What a choice!

BackforGood · 31/07/2018 16:40

I'm a great believer in taking the meaning / sentiment behind the words, and appreciate that not everyone says the right thing.
I would tell him though that people, as a whole, don't like any bit of them being referred to as 'chubby' 'fat' or any other word that indicates they might be larger than average.

Except babies..... I just love babies chubby little legs, before they start walking Grin

Emma765 · 31/07/2018 16:43

An ex once told me he liked my thick thighs. Genuine compliment. I was genuinely horrified!

Shoxfordian · 31/07/2018 16:44

How would he not know it's offensive? Did he live in a cave his whole life and you're the first person he's met? He knew it was rude. Is this the first time he's made comments like this op? Not nice.

AsTheMilesTheyDisappear · 31/07/2018 16:46

Tactless fucker or abusive arsehole'?

Or just someone who made a mistake. If you 100 percent know it wasn't meant nastily, I would tell him that comments like that really upset you, please don't do it again and assuming he doesn't, move on.

I had a gorgeous boyfriend who loved my belly and thighs and genuinely didn't want me thinner. No back handed nastiness, just he appreciated my body as it was.

Jaimx86 · 31/07/2018 16:49

Daisy, there was no real extra weight - see attached. DH made a poor judgement in his ‘compliment’ and was horrified when I told him it was offensive. I image the op’s partner was the same from the reaction she describes him having.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 31/07/2018 16:50

Oh come on, most people know from late childhood that words like 'chubby' etc are not kind ways to refer to adults.

Jaimx86 · 31/07/2018 16:51

Haha, Emma. I’ve heard man say that a lot! They really need to make more careful language choices.

LeighaJ · 31/07/2018 17:02

'aw look at your chubby legs!'

Odd I say the same thing to my 3 month old while tickling her thighs. He didn't mistake you for a baby did he? Hmm

To be more serious though it doesn't sound like he meant it in a nasty way and he's probably learned his lesson now, so hopefully will keep his foot out of his mouth from now on.

Early in our relationship my now husband tried calling me 'dumpling' but it didn't go down very well.

Everyoneiswingingit · 31/07/2018 17:05

I think it all comes from the distorted image of womens' bodies that men have. Because they see porn and Love Island and the fake look that so many young girls go for, they think all women are/should be like that.Jaim nobody could us the word plump about your VERY slim thighs.

Emma765 · 31/07/2018 17:06

Bigger bums and thighs are in fashion (thanks Kardashians!) maybe he chose a really clumsy way of referring to it. To be fair though I can't think of a way of saying it that I would be totally happy with.

I'd let it go this time and give him benefit of the doubt.

Everyoneiswingingit · 31/07/2018 17:06

OP does he have a perfect physique? Whatever that is!

StarUtopia · 31/07/2018 17:09

Could be worse. I got told I had legs like buttress roots when I was 13.

Had a lifetime of hiding under clothing ever since. :(

( I was a tiny 8 stone at the time)

LeftRightCentre · 31/07/2018 17:12

Sorry, but I dumped anyone who made a comment like this. It's boyfriend stage, easy to get rid. Like daisy, I had one like this and I was seriously thin. It's not sweet. It's negging bullshit, especially the not realising it's offensive. Bollocks! The one I had was no oil painting himself, but started by throwing out comments like this. Aw, look at your floppy micropenis! See how sweet and inoffensive he'd find that. Thought not. Anyone who speaks English knows that calling someone chubby is inappropriate.

HappilyHarridan · 31/07/2018 17:17

A friend of mine was once complimented by her (genuinely adoring) boyfriend on her 'sturdy' thighs. Honestly, he was so in love but was taken aback when she wasn't thrilled with that 'compliment'.

rightknockered · 31/07/2018 17:19

I don't think you are being unreasonable. That would have upset me too. My thighs are where I carry weight and even though I'm a size 6, and size 4 trousers/skirts, I definitely don't have a thigh gap, and a comment like that would have upset me.
If he had said, that he liked your sexy legs that would have been much better, not 'chubby'
That is not the way to compliment someone, that is a way to slyly insult someone.

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