To ask for help and advice here? I'm at the end of my rope.

[dragonflyflew]

Hi.
I don't have any debt apart from mortgage.
I'm a single mum working two minimum wage jobs.
I was in a well paid job last year where I'd been for fifteen years, lots changed which made it difficult to carry on there.
I was offered an alternative well paid job nearer my home, school hours but was let go in February when they decided they wanted full time staff.
I have disabilities so couldn't do full time hours, hence now doing two jobs and practically working full time anyway.

I'm struggling to find work which pays as well as my old job. Salaries seem to have gone backwards in the last ten years, plus I have messed up my CV by losing my job and doing casual work in the interim.
One of my new jobs has turned out slightly different from the ad inasmuch as there's a lot more evenings/weekends than advertised.
I currently have tribunal bubbling away in background from job I lost so also have that as a stressor.

I receive tax credits but this month because of school holidays my childcare costs are £1200 which I'm going to have to pay from savings.
I have been using savings all summer to pay for boiler etc, there's nothing left after childcare costs and then I feel completely vulnerable!

I'm absolutely exhausted because of my health condition and constant stress and panic about work and keeping our house.
I am completely overwhelmed and can't think straight where money's concerned, my brain is overloaded and I'm not sleeping well. I'm in permanent pain as stress worsens my condition and I seem to have a permanent headache now too.
Sorry this has turned into a whinge. I just really need some help. I can't work out how to budget, how to spend less and how to stop panicking.
I have no family support and feel completely overwhelmed and I don't know how to cope.
I really want some practical help. I know there's lots of people here who have it together so thought I'd give aibu a try!
I've been on MN for ten years just frequent name changes each time I've overshared.
Are there any simple budget apps I can use? I don't have any brain power to create an app.

We tried a lodger but it was a disaster. My kids are small and it really unsettled them.

Are there any wfh online jobs I can do in the evenings which pay well?

I'm in a shared ownership house and the mortgage offers are few and far between.
I don't earn enough to get a mortgage in my own name (ex husband name is still on the mortgage although I'm fully responsible).
I've been to GP ref my stress levels and he recommended CBT which is all we have on offer in our town. I barely have time to make appointments and with no childcare support in the evening CBT is very hard to access. My ex husband works odd hours and is my only support apart from childminder.
Any ideas gratefully received. I feel like I need a fairy godparent to magically put everything together for me as I'm running on empty now!

Oh and of course, knock on effect, I can't even manage to do laundry, it's been weeks and I don't even know how to start.
I keep floating and then sinking again. My mood lifts then another thing comes to slap it back down again.

Bloody hell you are a trouper!! You desperately need support [unhelpful]. I really don't think you should be aiming to take on more hours of work right now

OK. It does sound like the better job would fix significant amounts of what is going on. Can you talk to a recruitment agency(ies)/headhunter? Then you have got some support with job-hunting, they will be on the case while you do other stuff.

Budget wise, I just do a spreadsheet myself, but I hear good things about You Need A Budget - there might be a cost involved though. My spreadsheet has two columns per month, there's the income at the top then I put a running balance in which I alter daily when I check my account, then underneath those I list everything regular that goes out, plus every bit of spending that I know is coming, and add up the total, then I have a line where the total spending is subtracted from the running balance. If they don't match I know it's time to sort something else out.

Bear in mind I think it's quite tough at the moment to find good people. Is there an organisation you would like to work for? Write your dream job description/hours and then write to them and offer yourself? With jobs, you only need one.

You do have savings, you have to have childcare, I don't think there's a short-term answer to that one.

Whereabouts are you [no you don't have to say]. I have a bit more time than usual at the moment, and I can do laundry? That's a simple job that someone else could do for you and maybe things would feel like they were improving? It's a perfectly genuine offer, I quite like laundry. PM me if you like.

annandale thank you for your kind words. I don't feel like a trouper, just a big fat mess. I chose divorce for the right reasons but I know so many women who stay because of all the crap I'm going through now so I'm even questioning my biggest decision.
I feel like I've lost control of everything.
I'm registered with recruitment agencies and just keep getting offered the same as I've already got.
I'm struggling to get interviews for decent jobs due to my choppy CV!
I'm in the westcountry!
I did qualify for an enabler a few years ago to support with all this sort of stuff but honestly I knew more than her and I ended up just humouring her. The outcome was a recommendation to use my low rate DLA to pay for someone to hoover my house (my joints make hoovering difficult).
I still pay for the cleaner because the house is unbearable otherwise but I feel like it's a luxury I can ill afford now.

I will look at the app you suggested. I struggle with spreadsheets due to lack of organisation and only having a crappy second hand android phone, apps will work better for me than setting up and running a spreadsheet.

and I hope someone comes along soon with more suggestions. It sounds like a tough situation but probably temporary until your children are older.

How old are your children and how many do you have? Can ex-husband contribute?

What do you do? Could try elance, etc for project work, or tutoring in the evenings say 8m when kids asleep?

Can you phone citizens advice. Ask if there are any benefits you could be claiming, should you move mortgage to your name and how, any other advice they can give you. They cover many issues so might be a good starting point.

I'm not hundreds of miles away but sounds like a bit too far for laundry, sorry (home county).

Is hanging up washing a nightmare, or do you have a tumble drier?

I certainly wouldn't stop the cleaner during the summer. Maybe when school restarts, if things aren't picking up work wise? How old are the kids (clearly not very old)?

Is the old company where you worked for 15 years even vaguely a possibility? You said a lot changed - maybe not the same job but something else, perhaps with a different boss?

Why isn’t your ex doing more? What’s his contribution to childcare costs and rearing the children you had together?

You are doing really well. Make sure you acknowledge that to yourself every single day. And you have not made a mess of your CV. You should see mine! We’ve moved 9 times in 20 years, I’ve had breaks for the children and changed what I do. It’s called a Portfolio Career. It shows you are adaptable, resilient and able to transfer skills. Losing a long-term job was not your fault and you are doing what you can at the moment. That shows strength. Any organisation would be grateful to have you. So stop apologising for your CV and make sure any recruitment agency is working hard for their commission. You’ve got this. And no, a cleaner is not a luxury in your situation. Hugs xxx

The ex is 50/50 shared care so legally not obligated to pay maintenance so he pays the legal minimum based on his salary, £200 per month.
My old boss asked me back but did it via a friend who I rarely see who thought I was happy. She told me weeks after the event as a conversational aside.by the time I contacted my old boss he'd interviewed and employed TWO of my ex colleagues!
Gutted is an understatement.
I took a huge risk leaving that job. It didn't pay off and here I am facing the consequences!
I worked in a guidance role for years and know everything there is to know about benefit entitlement and I'm receiving everything I'm owed. I'm applying for Hb towards rental side of my property but I don't hold out much hope.
I've visited several mortgage providers, they promise great things until they do the calculations!

N21mummy thank you I really appreciate that

To be honest if you think your c.v is causing you issues I would just not include your latest jobs if they are nothing to do with the career you want. Have the 15 yr job and the relocation in the jobs section then write a brief sentence in your personal summary that you have been doing part time work in the interim.

annandale it was sweet of you to offer, thank you. I need to find a way to get on top of all of it myself tho! It's the hanging up I find hardest then the putting away! But currently I can't even get the stuff out of the basket, it's like a mental block!

What area was your 15yr job in? Or what are your skills and we'll see if we can make some useful suggestions?
Also how old are the kids?
If ex has 50/50 what days/ hours are you able to work and not need childcare?
I think you're doing brilliantly you hold it alia together.

So is your ex looking after the children half the time?

Agree with PP that the job is key. As well as going through recruiters, send off a CV with tailored covering letter to the local businesses most likely to need your skills. It takes time, but I did this once years ago and sent 20 letters which resulted in one interview and got a job offer from it, so it can work! You could share the covering letter on here maybe.

My old boss asked me back but did it via a friend who I rarely see who thought I was happy. She told me weeks after the event as a conversational aside.by the time I contacted my old boss he'd interviewed and employed TWO of my ex colleagues!

I think you sue your "friend" for loss of earnings

Annoyingly ex works weird hours over 24 hours. plus he has cover responsibility so he never does same days/nights each week which makes it very difficult to do anything regularly outside office hours . I don't do anything like I used to like groups , clubs, education in evenings etc as can't commit to regular dates.
He can't change his job as in his 50s in very specialised role. He's well paid and good with the kids. He's notoriously tight and materialistic.
because I kicked him out of his home and because he's not legally obliged to pay maintenance I don't want to upset the applecart by asking for anymore. He's now renting and can't get a mortgage as long as his name's on mine.
My background is advice and guidance. I am currently doing customer service and admin in my two roles. Charity work, support work anything altruistic although I'm now straightforward administration.

Oh and meet up with your old boss, who values you, and let him know you’re still looking. He might have a new role opening up, maybe someone leaves his team, or he might know of other roles within or outside the company. Same goes for any other prior managers.

Clairetree1 I was supremely pissed off with her. But to be fair the job was advertised. I was just struggling so hard to juggle everything and trying to make a go of my new job that I'd stopped jobsearching so completely missed the ad so I can't really blame her.

I've been using a free budget app called Yolt - try it, it's really good and easy to use. Good luck with jobs, it sounds like you really need a breather.

spiderplantsalad thank you.

I have a week off next week but that's it now till Christmas as I have to keep holiday back to cover Christmas. I've used all my leave already!
I'm not used to working in the private sector. I've been spoilt and now I'm down to earth with a nasty bump.

Does your ex pat 50/50 of the childcare too or are you having to foot the bill for all of it?

Just trying to see if there is any way to reduce your costs.

ReservoirDogs he doesn't pay any as I'm the one in receipt of the tax credits, child benefit etc, I don't think he has to pay any at all

I've downloaded yolt. Let the magic commence!

Of course he should pay 50%! If he has them half the time he should pay for that childcare, as he isn’t giving you maintenance.