Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

WWYD/Is it unreasonable to tell a breastfeeding mother she is awesome?

113 replies

gymNgin · 30/07/2018 23:52

Is it unreasonable because you wouldn't say the same thing to a FF mother? I wouldn't because IMO FF is seen as the norm and FF mothers don't seem to get negative comments. Also BF mother wasn't looking worried or like she needed reassurance. Though you never know some women are good at putting on a front.

Anyway...

I saw a mother breastfeeding her child today on a sofa in the foyer of the local leisure centre. There was my daughter (8) sat on the sofa opposite (not sure if she noticed as her head was in a book) and an older man on the adjoining sofa. It was hot so she was just wearing a vest top. She pulled it down and latched her baby on. I rarely breastfed in public and when I did I had special breastfeeding tops and a muslin to hopefully cover up any accidental exposure. ( I wasn't worried about accidental exposure but was worried of other people's opinion of it.) I just thought her way of doing it was totally natural and awesome. I wanted to say it to her and I wanted to say it to my daughter but I felt uncomfortable pointing it out.

Should I have pointed it out to my daughter? I know she's only 8 and she does know that boobies make milk for babies (when she's asked why women have boobs) but I haven't mentioned it for a while. Should I have said anything?

OP posts:

Unihorn · 01/08/2018 07:13

saratustra
You don't live in a parallel universe but you probably live in quite a well off area where breastfeeding rates are high, which is great, but sadly is not most people's experiences given the statistics on feeding rates. I can count on one hand how many people I've seen breastfeeding in public in two years. I see people formula feed several times a week.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/08/2018 17:32

I like that, domesticslattern, it's not intrusive and it's not 'making a show' of the mum. Nor is there any expectation placed on her by a random person and I think that's important too.

ShottaSheriff · 03/08/2018 01:32

Someone brought me a glass of water when I was breastfeeding in a cafe a while back and I was very touched. It implied their support (without having to deal with a comment) and was very useful.

littleFearOfHumans · 03/08/2018 01:48

I'd move away thinking you were a weirdo.

I breastfed. I used a muslin to avoid showing my boobs to anyone around. Perhaps you could have offered her some advice instead.

beclev24 · 03/08/2018 02:51

Dear god no. I know you were well meaning but this is incredibly patronizing and judgemental and intrusive. I bf and ff and would HATE this

OneStepSideways · 03/08/2018 07:27

I fed mine openly without covering up. I wouldn't have minded you explaining to your DD what I was doing, I think it's good for children to understand these things and it helps normalise it.
A quiet word of praise/admiration is always lovely, especially when your baby is tiny and you're worrying about feeding in public.

BadMoodBetty · 03/08/2018 07:30

I would have been really pleased by it. I bf to 13 months. Through an undiagnosed TT and was in bits until it was divided. It absolutely was and still is! an achievement for me! I was absolutely determined, I reached a goal. It was really hard and stressful and I'm proud of myself.

I had a couple of nice comments, a few smiles and "well that's brilliant, I wish I'd had one of those!" When I was feeding DS in a sling.

Me doing that doesn't take away from somebody who chose to FF, just different choices.

Amanduh · 03/08/2018 07:34

Weird.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/08/2018 07:36

Yabvvu she was feeding her child, so what, would you go up to a FF mum, and tell them they are awesome, no! Its this kind of thing that makes a lot of mums who were unable to bf feel crap, your awesome because you are breastfeeding, your not because your not bf. Next time keep quiet and let theums feed their baby.

GoatWithACoat · 03/08/2018 07:41

I would have hated that. If I’ve plucked up the courage to get my massive bazookas out and feed in public I wouldn’t want a random approaching me and commenting, I’d want to be left alone.

As to the “FF don’t get negative comments”..... what planet do you live on?

MarthasGinYard · 03/08/2018 07:45

Cringe

Thankfully you didn't actually say it.

GoatWithACoat · 03/08/2018 07:48

Maybe if we all minded our own business the world would be a more welcoming place for new mums

Yes, totally

Firenight · 03/08/2018 07:51

I’ve given a bf mother a smile or struck up a small conversation before; especially when she’s feeding an older baby or toddler.

I don’t nurse my 4 year old in public (she only really has bedtime milk now) but still appreciate knowing I’m not alone!

ADastardlyThing · 03/08/2018 08:03

Was it really an awe inspiring moment? Seeing someone doing something as normal as feeding their baby?

I have bf and ff, I received awful comments from people and midwives for ff. I'd have felt incredibly patronised if anyone had told me I was "awesome" for literally just performing the basic parenting task of ensuring my baby was not hungry.

Save awesome for something that is actually awesome

Aeroflotgirl · 03/08/2018 08:04

Yes.by all means tell your dd what she is doing, this is what boobs are for. She had her head in a book and was relaxing, so probably did not want to be disturbed by a random stranger. What are you teaching your dd by telling this mum is awesome and a FF mother is not. What if she has difficulties bf and cannot, will she feel.a failure as she is not awesome.

Girlwiththearabstrap · 03/08/2018 08:05

I've had two comments. One from another mum who said she'd never had the confidence to feed in public and another from quite a young waitress who did use the word awesome and said "the way you were so open about it is awesome". I know a lot of posters on here have said it's cringe or patronising or whatever but I think that's a pretty ungracious way to deal with someone who is just trying to be nice. And I was/am proud of breastfeeding. It didn't work out with my eldest after a horrible premature birth and poor advice from HCP so I am delighted that things are going differently.
Commenting positively on breast feeding does not necessarily mean condemning formula feeding!

geekone · 03/08/2018 08:09

I will remember forever the lady coming up to me in Dobbies and telling me how good it is to see Breast feeding in public. She said in her day it just wasn’t done but as a retired midwife she loved to see it.
I loved having her talk to me most people avoided even sitting near someone breastfeeding then and that was only 8 years ago.

Angrybird345 · 03/08/2018 08:11

Please don’t, it’s nothing to do with you at all.

You don’t know that this is the first time the baby has latched in and she struggles 99% of the time. Just don’t say anything.

geekone · 03/08/2018 08:11

For the record I do think FF is demonised a bit too I had issues with feeding very sleepy baby no hind milk being produced and had to move to formula feed at 12 weeks and the stopped BF by 16 weeks and I was actually asked to leave the breastfeeding group I was in.

pilates · 03/08/2018 08:15

I wouldn’t she is just feeding her baby like you would a bottle fed baby. Why make such a big deal about it.

JellyBaby666 · 03/08/2018 08:24

*I'd move away thinking you were a weirdo.

I breastfed. I used a muslin to avoid showing my boobs to anyone around. Perhaps you could have offered her some advice instead.*

What advice exactly? That how you did it is the only way to do it? Give me a break. Some women cover up which is fine, and some don't which is also fine. Less judgement is what's needed, why does she have to do anything other than feed her baby how she wants to?

This thread is a bit nuts. My parents are foster carers and adopted my younger sibling, and we have had some people tut at me/us if we're out and FF. We laugh and ignore it - who gives a monkeys!

Also I don't think talking to your DD about BF is a bad thing. It's not stigmatising FF (give me strength) but just normalising it. It's hardly going to damage her self esteem if in 30 years she doesn't or cant BF! She'll know what boobs can do, but I am also sure she knows that babies can have milk without it coming from boobs!

randomnumber44 · 03/08/2018 08:55

I have twins so I tend to attract strangers when I'm out and about regardless of if I am feeding. I have a few times had people tell me how well I'm doing when they see me breast feeding them and it is a nice little boost. Certainly a change from people averting their eyes as they walk past. I haven't had any negative comments though. I think it is an achievement and I'm proud of it. That isn't to say that those who have been unable to bf or choose to ff shouldn't also be proud of what they have done as mothers though. Having one or more newborns is difficult however they are being fed.

GunpowderGelatine · 03/08/2018 08:59

I've been told I'm awesome for BF. I like it, it's bloody hard work (especially at the beginning) and a bit of recognition for that is nice.

With respect why would someone tel a MN they're awesome for FF? It's adding water to powder, there's instructions on the tin, it's not a hard trog unlike BF, and it can be done by others this way. It's like telling someone they're awesome for cooking chips!

Oysterbabe · 03/08/2018 09:00

I've had one comment while breastfeeding and it was a woman who made a beeline for me to say "That's a beautiful sight, well done" and it did make me feel good. Such a little thing but I was very tired and it's always nice to hear something nice.

GunpowderGelatine · 03/08/2018 09:01

I am in the 1% of mothers still breastfeeding after 6 months which is an achievement.

That's a choice, not an achievement

Of course it is

I hate this whole thing around breastfeeding that you can't shout about being proud of it because other people somehow like to make it about them

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread