WWYD/Is it unreasonable to tell a breastfeeding mother she is awesome?

[gymNgin]

Is it unreasonable because you wouldn't say the same thing to a FF mother? I wouldn't because IMO FF is seen as the norm and FF mothers don't seem to get negative comments. Also BF mother wasn't looking worried or like she needed reassurance. Though you never know some women are good at putting on a front.

Anyway...

I saw a mother breastfeeding her child today on a sofa in the foyer of the local leisure centre. There was my daughter (8) sat on the sofa opposite (not sure if she noticed as her head was in a book) and an older man on the adjoining sofa. It was hot so she was just wearing a vest top. She pulled it down and latched her baby on. I rarely breastfed in public and when I did I had special breastfeeding tops and a muslin to hopefully cover up any accidental exposure. ( I wasn't worried about accidental exposure but was worried of other people's opinion of it.) I just thought her way of doing it was totally natural and awesome. I wanted to say it to her and I wanted to say it to my daughter but I felt uncomfortable pointing it out.

Should I have pointed it out to my daughter? I know she's only 8 and she does know that boobies make milk for babies (when she's asked why women have boobs) but I haven't mentioned it for a while. Should I have said anything?

I never had any negative comments ff

I did have loads of negative comments breast feeding. Personally I would never whip out a bob like that but that's my issue

I think it's an achievement and you should be proud of yourself. This isn't the Pain Olympics - just because one person had it worse and still managed or nearly died but was still able to feed their child from a bottle doesn't make someone else's achievement any less. That way of thinking is toxic and damaging. Be proud of what you accomplish and support other people when they are proud of what they've done. If it's something you found tough and you persevered and did it, then you have achieved something and have every right to feel proud of yourself.

I just don't understand why any one needs to comment about how any one feeds their baby.... does it even matter?

The majority of new mums are awesome. Doesn’t matter whether they FF or BF. I fully support every woman’s choice but I don’t like it how BF mums go on about it like they have done something out of the ordinary (think long Facebook posts etc..) I breastfed and formula fed and I didn’t think I was a goddess for breastfeeding.

I think breastfeeding should be accepted in public and not demonised like it is, and women shouldn’t be made to feel like they have to stay at home or go to the toilet to feed their baby. At the same time there is no need for mummy blogs going on about day number 85 etc... about breastfeeding. It’s not interesting to anyone else, seriously.

Cringe.

Making a song and dance about it doesn't normalise it.

The figures regarding the 1% stat can be found here, provided from a reputable source, the NHS.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-20406743

So yes, my choice was to breastfeed but I have achieved in doing so for so long.

Like I have said, I am not going to play down how proud I am for doing so.

Maybe if we all minded our own business the world would be a more welcoming place for new mums.

I would tell a FF mum she’s awesome for feeding her child, for recognising is fed is best.

I could have been your leisure centre mum. (Being able to just pull down a top and feed is made a lot easier by being, as I am, virtually flat-chested even when lactating, it must be admitted). I bf my older two for 4.5 and 3 years respectively, two of those years overlapping, and my third will be three soon and shows no signs of stopping. I've fed in all sorts of places.

If you'd said that to me I would have smiled and said thank you. It's not a popular thing to say on here, but I am proud of my bf, especially because with dc1 it got off to a terrible start after a very intervention-heavy birth, a PPH, a dreadful hospital that made me test weigh and top up, and a small skinny early-term baby who refused to feed from me for the first three or four weeks, all topped up with a heatwave akin to this one. I expressed and topped up and tried to get him to feed and went through some very dark moments. Eventually he was big enough and acclimatised enough to the world to stop refusing and it all clicked from there. I am proud of hanging in there, but that implies no judgement whatsoever on anyone who had a different experience or made different decisions.

I also think it's not so much the feeding per se you're commenting on as the doing it in public without faffing with muslins and covers? I do get what you mean there, but it's less that praise is due to that woman than that censure is due to a social environment that has made women feel they need to faff around with muslins and covers.

Since moving to America I've noticed lots of mums breastfeed to 1yo at least because formula costs 2-3 times more here. It's about $20-35 dollars a box!

It seems mad in the Uk that some of the largest figures for FF come from those on low income.

I breastfed wherever my baby was hungry, and we didn't fanny about with muslins or covers or any of that, but we did feed fairly discreetly.

The most useful thing strangers did was defend me against other strangers who verbally abused me either to my face or behind my back. For that I really was very appreciative.

The funniest was a woman who repeatedly said "I'm not a prude but I don't see why she has to feed her baby in public - if she was more organised she would just feed the baby at home," and the man with her just kept saying "Yes, you are a prude, and she can feed the baby anywhere she likes, and I'm just grateful the baby's being fed instead of making a racket." There were a couple of other occasions where someone would make a comment about it being disgusting and someone else would pipe up and say it wasn't at all disgusting but was just a baby being fed.

I did occasionally experience older women coming up and saying how lovely it was to see a baby being breastfed in public and how they'd been forced to stay home and breastfeed in private back in their day.

Personally I didn't feel at all awesome - I was just trying to get the baby fed so we could get on with the rest of our day, much the same as any other parent out and about with their baby.

Making a song and dance about it doesn't normalise it.

Exactly this. I'm all for telling mothers, ALL mothers that they're doing a great job, but how about we don't pay attention to the way they're being fed and just focus on the fact they're doing a great job no matter what, eh?

Getting up for night feeds, tackling other small kids, the exhaustion and self doubt - all of this happens whether your nursing or formula feeding.

Strangers don't need to acknowledge how someone else is feeding their baby, it will either be misconstrued as patronizing or judgemental and hence we go round and round in circles.

Thankfully I live in a country where not one person would even bother to raise an eyebrow if youre formula feeding or nursing. Nobody gives a shit because they have better things to concern themselves with. And so what becomes normal` is just, simply, feeding your baby.

Breastfeeding rates have fuck all to do with whether women feel judged for doing it, and everything to do with the horrendous lack of support for new mothers, forced the breast is best message but without the support to actually do it.

Well randomly a.lady walked up.to me feeding my 10 month old on the grass at a national trust house today and said "just wanted to say how nice it is to see that youre feeding" and gave me a doubke thumbs up! 😂😂

I was actually very made up by this.. made my day and i smiled and said thank you. 3rd timr in 4 years total bf years that has happened so big coincidence as had commented on this last night!! Op.if it was you well done 😂😂

@boxsetsandpopcorn

It is an acheivement. Ive never known a mum.who doesn't bf to get mastitis many times and feed through it. To deal with joys if returning to work and pumping in the stationary cupboard for lols! To not be able to go away anywhere overnight without either getting formula in which might cause stomach upsets if sudden swap etc or alternatively try and slowly build up a stash to leave and get baby used to a bottle. The backache from positioning when out and about. Loads more stuff. Definitely an acheivement .

Like someone else said fed is justbare minimum. Feeding the way you want to and in spite of challenges is an acheivement.

Formula feeding can be an acheivement too for all sorts of other reasons.. but celebrating bfing til over 6 months doesnt take away from that!

I just want an environment where bf in public is completely accepted as normal. This means that no-one comments negatively or in any other way tries to make a bf mother feel uncomfortable, there are plenty of places which make it easy for breastfeeding to occur, and it is commonplace to see women doing it in public, whenever and wherever their baby needs it.

And therefore I wouldn't want to be "congratulated" because I wouldn't want to stand out as doing something out of the ordinary. Although I would understand the sentiment if someone did comment positively.

As an aside, I don't like it when a bf woman feels the need to expose her entire breast to feed and make no effort to be discreet when exposing nipples. Yes, a quick flash of nipple is often necessary, but when so much breast is exposed that it makes others nearby feel uncomfortable, I don't feel it helps the "cause" of "normalising" public breastfeeding.

I say all this as a bf mother myself. I do think experiences vary greatly, as where I live almost everyone bfs, and I can't recall any negative comments when I have done it publicly.

I have smiled at mums feeding their babies, both bf and ff..
But I had the most horrific comments about Formula feeding my child.

I wouldn't have liked it, I would have found you intrusive and patronising.

It's really not awesome to breastfeed. It's not awesome to formula feed. It's not awesome to feed your children that you decided to bring into the world. It's normal. It's totally bloody normal and expected as a bare minimum of care.

Save your 'awesome' for something that really is above and beyond. I know you think it's being kind but it's really making my toes curl.

Sometimes I think I live in a parallel universe. Such a low bf rate, but I have yet to see anyone ff in public (apart from myself, and I get dirty looks EVERY TIME). Honestly I don't get the normalising bf thing, I feel bf is widely accepted (except for a few dickheads obvs).
I breastfed for a while. I wish everybody will stop judging whatever choice.

I really wouldn't have said anything. It's great that you're such a supporter, however it's strange to say something like that to someone who is breastfeeding, no matter how pure your intentions.

I honestly think. It would have been a pratonizing thing to say and you would have been saying it to satisfy your own agenda i.e.to make a point in front of your child.

I think you sound lovely OP.

I wouldn't, she was just feeding a baby and it's a non event to me.

I did mean to add that you do sound lovely and there is nothing wrong sometimes with having an agenda but I don't think it would have brilliant telling her that she was awesome!

There was a fella sat across the way from her, she may have been perfectly discrete and quite happy and then suddenly you have highlighted what she is doing in front of other people. (The man, your daughter, her daughter, maybe other people in the foyer). I know I can't speak for everyone but if a stranger made a comment like that I would have suddenly felt arkward as if I was the centre of attention IYSWIM.

Inevitable with any thread like this, it seems that to celebrate or accept one, means to demonise the other. Breastfeeding is difficult (latch issues, dealing with tongue tie, cluster feeding, the fact you are the only person who can do it etc.) and I would say it is an achievement to breastfeed for ANY length of time, whether that be 24 hours or 2 years. Yes, it is a choice, and some mothers have that choice taken away from them due to lack of supply/bad birth experience, but celebrating BF shouldn’t mean condoning FF, or the other way around.
Personally for me, when I am BF my lo and I get nice, positive comments from passerby’s, I do find it sweet. I’d of course rather get ‘well done you’ than ‘you should be doing that in the privacy of your own home, it’s disgusting’ and although I understand why we would be far less likely to say to a FF mum ‘well done on feeding your baby’ I think that’s just because in the UK, FF seems the norm (or at least where I live it is) and you are the odd one out to be BF, so a little bit more support goes a long way. I do think that however you choose to feed you baby is YOUR choice and you should always do what is best for you and your family!

It is incredibly depressing to see the harsh truth on the first page of the thread, where two Mnetters posted in the same minute (!)- one who had unpleasant comments when out and about ff, and one who had unpleasant comments when out and about bf. It really shows that the only way to avoid these twats is to never go out or if you must, fgs don't feed your baby. At all.
I sometimes say in passing to mums with babies, "lovely baby!" as I go by. Have been known to follow it up with a cheery "you're doing brilliantly!" if I got a smile back, maybe baby was fretting and I judge the mum won't think I am a patronising idiot. I remember people saying similar to me with my babies and it was quite nice. But I would do it regardless of feeding choice. After all, the baby will be lovely and the mum doing brilliantly either way
Of course the best way to help a bf mother is not words but to give her a glass of water, if she doesn't have one to hand...