WWYD/Is it unreasonable to tell a breastfeeding mother she is awesome?

[gymNgin]

Is it unreasonable because you wouldn't say the same thing to a FF mother? I wouldn't because IMO FF is seen as the norm and FF mothers don't seem to get negative comments. Also BF mother wasn't looking worried or like she needed reassurance. Though you never know some women are good at putting on a front.

Anyway...

I saw a mother breastfeeding her child today on a sofa in the foyer of the local leisure centre. There was my daughter (8) sat on the sofa opposite (not sure if she noticed as her head was in a book) and an older man on the adjoining sofa. It was hot so she was just wearing a vest top. She pulled it down and latched her baby on. I rarely breastfed in public and when I did I had special breastfeeding tops and a muslin to hopefully cover up any accidental exposure. ( I wasn't worried about accidental exposure but was worried of other people's opinion of it.) I just thought her way of doing it was totally natural and awesome. I wanted to say it to her and I wanted to say it to my daughter but I felt uncomfortable pointing it out.

Should I have pointed it out to my daughter? I know she's only 8 and she does know that boobies make milk for babies (when she's asked why women have boobs) but I haven't mentioned it for a while. Should I have said anything?

That's a choice, not an achievement.

That's a dickish thing to say. It takes perseverance and determination to bf fir that length of time - why knock that?

It would have been exceptionally patronising for you to say anything to her, OP and you probably would have made her feel uncomfortable and awkward.

It must depend where you live because I've found FF to be more rare where I am. I only know 1 person who FF through choice and 2 who did because of complications. I've never know anyone to receive negative comments on either.

I did see a horrible video of a man on a tube non stop harassing a woman breastfeeding a small baby. Quite disgusting!

My baby is three weeks old so I'm only just at the start, but in the last few days I've started going out with him for more than a quick pop to the shops - and so breastfeeding publicly - for the first time. I think I'd feel weird if someone told me if I was awesome, but what is nice is someone just chatting to me 'like normal', so that it doesn't feel like I'm doing anything weird or embarrassing. It's happened twice so far - once in the porch of our church, once in Costa - that someone's just struck up the normal 'oh how old is he, what's his name, how lovely' conversation with me while I was feeding and I've found that reassuring as I'm still a long way from confident doing it (still at the fumbling around and showing a lot more boob than I want to phase!)

I’ve been breastfeeding out and about since DD was 5 days old. I cannot handle being stuck in the house, so I feed wherever I need to - pub, cafe, cinema, shopping centre, back seat of the car, service station, park, beach etc.

I’ve not had any negative comments. I don’t use a cover but I also aim to be reasonably discreet. I wouldn’t want the attention of anyone really, positive or negative. A random stranger brought me a glass of water in a cafe, said ‘I remember it being thirsty work’ and then left me to it - I really appreciated that. Recently I’ve also been given free cake and a free drink in different cafes - so overall I’d say my experiences are pretty good.

I was surprised watching the Dispatches programme about breastfeeding last night, and that it focused on attitudes towards breastfeeding as a reason that the rates are so low. I can’t imagine that’s the main reason.

I’ve been physically threatened, verbally abused and all manner of horrible behaviour when out and about breastfeeding my children. I think doing so in public, especially when your child is older deserves a ‘you are awesome’ and breastfeeding beyond 6 months is an achievement for many women. Sure it’s a choice, but it’s an exhausting one. If anyone had ever come up to me and told me I was doing a great job I’d be delighted.

Oh and Fed isn’t Best. It’s the bare minimum and it’s sad to set the bar so goddamn low if that’s your aim.

I'm a member of a BFing FB group, it can be quite... Intense, and some members have little cards made up to hand out if they see someone BFing in public. Think they say something like "thank you for normalising breastfeeding". Always strikes me that I'd feel completely patronised if I was given one! Just feeding the baby, move along.

I'm three months in, have fed wherever necessary and haven't noticed any negative looks or comments.

To the extent that attitudes limit the breastfeeding rate I'd imagine it's less the attitudes of random people when you're out and about and more the attitudes of well-meaning friends and (especially) family - 'can the baby really need feeding again, doesn't that mean he's not getting enough, wouldn't he sleep better with a bottle' etc. My MIL, who couldn't breastfeed, is trying really hard to be supportive and has said how great it is that I can, but she makes me feel a bit rubbish every time she's astonished that he wants feeding again, and I can imagine that if it weren't for a) my mum, who EBF all her children and has been very reassuring and b) the lucky fact that DS is currently gaining weight at a rate of knots then it would have me really doubting myself.

Given our woefully low levels of breast feeding in the country, i wish more women weren't put off breast feeding in public
www.independent.co.uk/life-style/breastfeeding-rates-britain-lowest-world-channel-4-dispatches-kate-quilton-a8468416.html

Lisasimpson I’ve often seen your posts on here and it has made my day to see you have your little baby. Many congratulations

It was a nice impulse on your part but I would find this invasive and patronising personally.

I am always surprised by these threads. 15-23 years ago I exclusively breastfed 3 kids for 6 months each, and then continued till they were 2. I breastfed everywhere, with no covers, and while travelling a lot. In all that time, I only had one negative comment, on an airplane, delivered via the flight attendant, asking me to be more discreet. I was angry and told off both the flight attendant and the man who had clearly asked her to talk to me.

I am amazed that so many people have problems. Maybe things have got worse.

I think it is really important to be able and confident to breastfeed comfortably and naturally in public. Otherwise, it is hard to have an easy time breastfeeding and going about your life in a fun and easygoing way. I don't know if a comment helps people feel comfortable and supported, or if it makes people a bit self conscious, though. I guess it depends on the person breastfeeding, so hard to generalise.

I think on the whole people in RL don't really notice or care about people feeding babies or how they do it once they aren't having to do it themselves any more.

I also think to strike up a conversation with the feeding mother or point it out to your DC is unnecessary.

It's definitely a location thing I think. I formula fed my first, as did almost everyone I know, and never received any weird looks or comments. I persevered with breastfeeding my second who is now 3 months and when I feed in public I do get looks occasionally, but I've no reason to believe they're judgy, just that it's not something that is seen often.

In 3 months of being out and about with my baby I've only seen one other person feeding in a cafe/park. I didn't do any NCT type stuff though and I don't attend baby classes, so my experience is just of the general public, not baby-centered places.

It's definitely not the norm in my area to breastfeed. My family constantly ask when I can stop doing it, like I have some sort of obligation.

I bf, and always try to hide or wait until I'm somewhere private. I recently thought the same seeing a Mum bf in a busy mall and wanted to tell her she's my hero. I think women should definitely support eachother and next time will get the confidence to say! It's comments like some of the above which make you hesitate in the first place. Not everyone chooses to bf, or is able to, but for those who do it's a daunting thought having to feed your baby in public and that's why it should be congratulated. In my opinion.

I had this the other day, I was out buying school uniform for my eldest, also had my
2 yr old and 6 month old baby with me. I had just managed to get most of what we needed together and baby wanted feeding. There was no way I was leaving my shopping, finding a cafe to feed and then starting all over again with the kids so I found a chair in the shop and fed there. A woman came up to me and said well done for not caring! I was a bit embarrassed but it did actually make me feel a bit better.
I don't think people who bf are better mums but it is hard to bf when you are out and about and a lot easier to bottle feed. You can ff a baby in the shopping trolley in the middle of a supermarket but if you started bf a baby it would be wrong!

Thanks so much iggi999 - what a lovely comment. DS is sleeping on my chest as I type and I still can't quite believe that he's really real and really here, but I'm so pleased he is

In think is lovely seeing a contented baby feeding regardless of bf of ff who cares

I never got any negative remarks made with bf in public and the only time I have seen people seem uncomfortable with bf is when the child was about 4 or 5

Have had negative remarks when I switched to completely ff from one healthvistor (others more knowledgeable were suppitive) and others on here who told me that I could have produced enough milk if only I persevered- funny how they knew my exact health issues and knew more than the hcp’s

I FF my DS after a crash c section, being cut before I was actually under, me in HDU him in SCUBU both nearly dying. Now that is an achievement! No one congratulated me! Instead I was made to feel like shit by the mid wives for using formula! Well guess what unsurprisingly I had no milk! When will people get over themselves. In the western world bf/ff makes little difference so long as mother and baby are happy that is the point to congratulate!

As a bf mother I would find it quite intrusive and patronising to have somepme making a point of telling me I'm awesome for feeding my child

I am in the 1% of mothers still breastfeeding after 6 months which is an achievement

No, it's a choice and babies need feeding by their parents so doing that isn't an achievement.

Not sure why anyone would congratulate someone on feededinh their baby, it's a necessity.

Sorry, where is this stat of 1% of mothers breastfeed after 6 months from? Someone’s arse? Or is this the 1% who continue to exclusively breastfeed and chose not to introduce solids after 6 months

For all those breastfeeding, yes it is an achievement, ignore the naysayers. It's horrific that others are trying to stop you taking pride in something you've worked hard to establish and that can take a lot out of you physically and emotionally.

Yes, there are those who cannot breastfeed/choose not to. Their situations are entirely individual and don't impact the sense of achievement that bf mothers should enjoy. There are many, many other aspects of motherhood that should also be celebrated as achievements too.

Lots of things choices and achievements.
I am eating a ginger nut biscuit - that’s a choice but not an achievement.
I have completed C25K - that’s a choice and an achievement.
New mothers are often vulnerable (how many of us burst into tears in public as a new mother, having never done so before?) and insecure and if I could make one feel a bit better about themselves (“what a happy baby! You’re doing a great job” etc) why not? Add in the fact you are doing something in public that many people think is “disgusting” and a bit of encouragement seems fine.

I'll always remember sitting on some steps in town, feeding DS2 as he was howling and hungry. An older woman came up to me to say she used to be a midwife, and how it was great to see more women BF out and about these days, and keep up the good work.

Really cheered me up and spurred me on, because a few minutes before I'd had several teenage boys going 'Ewwwwww' loudly as they walked past!