Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how to deal with this

82 replies

itsawhopper · 30/07/2018 17:53

I’ll keep the details out of it as I don’t want to out myself. I’ve also name changed.

My DH was out with his mates on Saturday night and I received a text from him asking me why his mate was telling him that I’d done xyz. Not an affair or anything but would have made me pretty deceitful and a liar.

I strenuously denied what DH was saying but he was furious. Cut to yesterday and DH went off on one to me about what his mate had said. Despite my denials he was completrly furious. I was incredibly upset and decamped to my parents house. I have two children - one of whom is 5 weeks old and I just didn’t need the stress.

Today I texted the wife of the guy who said these things and asked her clarify. She phoned her husband who said that he only said these things to my DH as a wind up but never actually got round to telling him that it was a joke.

The guy has since texted my husband to tell him it was a joke. However, my husband hasn’t contacted me. He’s due in from work soon and I’m not sure how to handle this?

Any suggestions? Now I am bloody livid.

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 30/07/2018 21:44

Don't speak to him. He needs to apologise and explain how he believed his friend above you.

Don't know what the incident was but you have a 5 week old baby. His whole world should be focused on making your life easier.

I'm so angry on your behalf.

44PumpLane · 30/07/2018 21:44

So it’s over 2.5 hours later and he’s not come to you grovelling and apologising? What a bellend

bluemascara · 30/07/2018 21:45

OP he is in the wrong here
I'm never normally one to play games but I'd give him the silent treatment.
My guess is that he's embarrassed right now considering his behaviour.
I'd tell him to get in touch when he's grew his brain back

MadMags · 30/07/2018 21:46

You sound like a total doormat. Are you afraid of him?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 30/07/2018 21:47

Does he have form for this kind of thing OP?

OldBean2 · 30/07/2018 21:48

Whilst understanding how angry you are and rightfully so, I would imagine that your husband is very embarrassed at being a gullible dick. He now has to find away to extricate himself from a situation where he has made a total Pratt of himself.

All I can suggest is that you bide your time and let himself work out how to apologise to you.

starryeyed19 · 30/07/2018 21:51

Fuck. Him.

Don't wait for him to apologise. You shouldn't be waiting for anything. He should have apologised immediately, never mind that he didn't believe you in the first place. And now he's still acting huffy?

It's because he knows he was a huge tool and that he behaved abominably. You have a FIVE WEEK OLD. FFS. I hope his friend is fucking ashamed of himself too.

crispysausagerolls · 30/07/2018 21:52

Ask him to stay elsewhere until you’ve calmed down. How fucking dare he, especially when you have a 5 week old. His friend is a dick too.

Original poster
itsawhopper · 30/07/2018 21:54

Thanks @madmags And you sound like a total dick.

I have a 5 week old baby and a three year old. I don’t have the energy for WW3. I think he’s a total dick right now and I have asked for some advice.i don’t need to be told I’m a doormat when I am not. Nor am I afraid of him. I’ve never been in this situation before and wanted the opinions of others

OP posts:
HelenUrth · 30/07/2018 21:56

Not sure what to do with the husband but I'd be getting a lawyer to send a letter to the "friend" threatening to sue for slander. What an arsehole. He deserves to have the fright of his life.

MadMags · 30/07/2018 21:58

I'm not the only poster to have suggested that.

Perhaps imagine that he's a poster on here. You'll have no problem jumping down his throat then...

Queenofthestress · 30/07/2018 21:59

Honestly? I would be asking him if he's ready to talk like an actual adult. Then I would be asking him whether why he's lost trust in you since you've done nothing wrong. It is a blatant lack of trust, and that would be a deal breaker for me, he doesn't trust you or believe you and you've done nothing wrong.

DesignStatement · 30/07/2018 21:59

You do sound pretty subservient. I'd be livid if my DH took his pals word over mine, or even if he gave it any credence in the first place. I'd ask him to pack a bag until he had come up with a way to put things right. I'd expect a massive apology and change of attitude.

The fact that he has been told by his pal it was 'a joke' and still gave you the silent treatment shows he hold you in little regard and clearly has little remorse.

sar302 · 30/07/2018 22:01

You stay at your mums and get looked after.

You wait for him to apologise unreservedly and wholeheartedly.

Once you're settled and not trying to deal
with the massive hormonal post birth crash, you need to consider very seriously whether you want to spend the rest of your life with a man who:

  • believed his idiot mate over you
  • let you walk out of the house with a newborn without showing any concern
  • continued to ignore you despite the fact that his mate told him he lined and it was even more clear that he was in the wrong.
  • still has yet to throw himself at your feet and beg for forgiveness.

If he doesn't even bother to contact you, then you have bigger problems than what your opening gambit should be, and this all becomes irrelevant

PaulRuddislush · 30/07/2018 22:02

Stop looking for ways to word how angry you are, just tell him. There's no magic "opening gambit" just be honest and make him aware how completely unfair and and unacceptable he is, like I said before if he doesn't get it you really need to reconsider your marriage

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 30/07/2018 22:04

Honestly? I'd pack two bags - one for him, one for you and the kids. And my opening line would be 'You've got three options: you can apologise and put this right, you can get out and have some time to think about the best way to apologise and put this right, or I'm moving out with the kids until you apologise and put this right. Your 'mate' also owes me an apology, btw.'

Maelstrop · 30/07/2018 22:10

I think I’d pack a bag. For him. He can go and stay with his stupid fucking mate. I’d also tell the mate’s wife exactly what his stupid tales have done. What a wanker.

ShawshanksRedemption · 30/07/2018 22:15

I'll be honest I don't like the fact he's still silent towards you. He either accepts he was in the wrong and puts that right by apologising (and having very strong words with his "friend") or he still thinks there's some truth in it and can't accept he was in the wrong. Does he feel there is some grounds for believing his mate over trusting you? Have there been previous trust issues before or lying before? Does he struggle to accept when he's wrong and looks to minimise it?

If you wanted to break the silence I think you should be honest about how upset and angry you are and that you don't deserve to still be ignored by him as you haven't done anything wrong. Tell him what you need to hear from him (an apology? apology from mate too?) so you can move on.

BadassUnicorn · 30/07/2018 22:18

He's being a total asshole Angry So angry on your behalf.

He should be apologising immediately without you having to do or say anything. You have a 5 week old and a 3 year old FFS, the last thing you need is all this upset. He should have never behaved liked that even if whatever his stupid friend said had been true. Which we know and he knows fine well was a lie told by his stupid fuckwit friend. Seriously, why some people think winding up others is funny is beyond me. They are not funny, they are assholes that don't know how to interact like normal adults.

I would pack his bags and tell him to go stay with the fuckwit friend until he mans up to what he's done and apologises profusely. But whatever you decide to do, don't tolerate his bad behaviour. Would also give his friend a piece of my mind and bite his head off.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 30/07/2018 22:19

“I understand that you are choosing to ignore me and I’m assuming that’s because you’re embarrassed and ashamed. If you’re not, you should be.
I am hurt, angry and appalled that you behaved the way you did. I deserve a very big apology “
You can add on “you fucking dick” if you like

gamerchick · 30/07/2018 22:20

This is weird, it's like he wants an excuse to be cross at you for whatever reason. Hmm

Tell him he can put this right now or he can leave until he's ready. No way would o be living in that atmosphere when I'd not long given birth.

mybumpisonlypudding · 30/07/2018 22:21

I can't believe how rude some people are being! Not wanting to have a huge row doesn't make you subservient or a doormat! Hmm I would come at it gently, ask if there's any reason he might trust a friend over me. To be honest I would end up getting pretty shouty over it, Blush but I wish I wouldn't and if at least aim to start in a civil way.

Giraffey1 · 30/07/2018 22:22

Does he usually find it hard to apologise, or to admit he got something wrong? Either way, he should be taking the initiative here and holding his hand up to being a complete dick.

Giving you the silent treatment is so childish. If he persists with this I’d pack a bag for him and tell him to leave, and not to come back until he is ready not only to apologise, but also to put things right.

He needs to grow up!

Giraffey1 · 30/07/2018 22:25

Mybump, wouldn’t you be furious that he believed a friend over you, and be even more upset that after being told it was a ‘joke’ and wasn’t true, that he still gave you the cold shoulder? It’s pretty shitty behaviour!

DontCallMeCharlotte · 30/07/2018 22:28

How about "I'm waiting..."?

Swipe left for the next trending thread