AIBU to not go on this holiday?

[HeyThoughIWalk]

SIL and her DH & DCs are currently on holiday in Turkey. They FaceTimed last night and said they're having a fabulous time, weather has been brilliant, really hot etc. They've been to this hotel/resort quite a few times before - normally go every couple of years.

Then she said she'd had a great idea... as it's her 40th birthday next year, why don't we ALL go to Turkey for it (her actual birthday is in term time, so she just means this time next year). By "all" she means all the siblings and their partners & children, and PILs (and a random aunt who always tags along to these things!).

Apparently she's already spoken to the others and they all love the idea (DH has since spoken to them and confirmed this).

The problem is, I really don't want to go, for several reasons:

1. It's not my kind of holiday at all. I don't enjoy sitting by the pool or on a beach all day every day, which is what they (DH's family) do. I know from previous short breaks we've done with them, they expect everyone to do everything together, so DH wouldn't want to go off and leave them for us to do something else. I wouldn't feel safe wandering off on my own. The ILs like to lie by the pool, go for lunch and dinner at the same restaurant every day at the same time etc. I like to explore.

2. It's too hot. I don't cope well with heat; I'd likely end up spending a lot of time indoors.

3. I don't think the kids would enjoy it. DS (will be 4 by then) doesn't like swimming - DH is convinced he would love it if he had 2 weeks of doing nothing else; I'm not so sure. He's also a fairly picky eater, so getting food into him would be hard work. DD would probably be ok (she'll only be 2, so would probably be happy anywhere), but again she's not keen on hot weather - in fact, in the recent heatwave it reached about 27 degrees here, and they were both wilted and whiney for the duration.

4. The cost. We only really get to go on a "big" holiday every other year, so this would be our holiday for the next 2 years, really. I've looked into whether we could go for a week with them and then a week elsewhere, but the flights are the expensive bit and it's just going to cost too much to add another one in.

5. I don't really get on with my ILs in large amounts. I'm ok for a couple of days, but then I just get irritated by them (the constant in-jokes, banter, "hilarious" stories of past holidays etc).

So, am I unreasonable to say no, I don't think we should do this? DH would go if it was just up to him (although I don't think he's thought through what happens if the kids get hot and whiney - usually his solution is to hand them to me), but also doesn't mind too much either way. He sees all his family at least once a week anyway, so it's not as if it's their only chance to be together.

I feel a bit guilty because I know DH would like to go, but I just don't want to spend loads of money and a big chunk of my annual leave on a holiday that I don't really want to go on, with people whose company I don't especially enjoy, particularly as we then wouldn't have another holiday for a couple more years.

Tabby

But don’t dramatise it

Just say it’s not my kind of holiday thanks you go and have a great time.

Husband goes you stay.

I’m with you, sounds like hell.

Yeah, @ivykaty44, I'm not going to make a big deal out of it to them - I'm planning to do what you say, pretty much.

@Ivorbig1 DH won't really want to go without me - we'd rather have a family holiday with the kids.

My PIL are also ones where the whole family has to do everything together. To date, I've managed to avoid doing any family holidays (usually due to incompatibility with annual leave). I'm not 100% against going, but, I couldn't do more than a few days - 1 week max but I would be pulling my hair out by that point.

Is it a big AI resort? There might be a kids club your ds4 could attend and a spa for you......

YANBU about not wanting to go on this vacation.

However, this part irked me a little and seemed unkind.
(and a random aunt who always tags along to these things!).

(I know I am oversensitive about this as I just spent the weekend realizing that, with my parents gone, and all my siblings married, as a single person, my future as a "random aunt" who tags is almost certain.)

@MorrisDancingViv I've never heard them mention a spa, so I don't think there's one. They also strongly disapprove of kids' clubs, but it's an idea, if DS would stay in it.

yea it will be fine and dandy as long as there is a spa for you

@FutureRandomAunt Sorry, I didn't mean to upset anyone. She actually isn't single, she's married but her husband isn't able to travel, I think, so in her own words she "tags along" with other family members. She's actually quite lovely; one of my favourites of the bunch!

If you don't want to go then don't. Let DH take the dc.
I think it would look a bit off it you didn't go though if I'm being honest especially if your DH did go with the DC's.

The summer holidays? I would not want to take tinies to Turkey in the school holidays.

@mapleleafrag oh bugger off. I'm just trying to look at a positive in the event OP did decide to go/gets ambushed into going and wants a bit of space given that she's said she wouldn't feel safe exploring alone.

Two weeks is a long time not sure I could do that and I get on with all my family and in-laws. Can you just join them for a week? Plus you really don't have to be together all day every day, leave them by the pool and go out, then join them in the evening. It's not ideal but if the whole family is agreed, I reckon you could compromise and make it work for you.

Just make the right noises but be a bit vague for now, it might never happen!

I would go for a week. Research the hotel and check facilities. Most hotels have great waterslides for toddlers a young kids, some even have a fun fair and good evening entertainment.
My kids spent all day in the pool last year and I got to relax the pool was only about 49-50 cm deep.

You could then maybe go to Istanbul for a week as there is so much to see there. Domestic flights are only about £20.

But at the end of the day do what suits u best

If DH genuinely doesn't mind then don't go.

Book something else nice instead so he doesn't feel too left out when everyone else is talking about the holiday.

Bloody hell - no way. Tell her, 'No' flat out 'No'. It's not your type or holiday. You have given a list of valid reasons.

Could you stretch to your DH taking the kids for a week, not the two. Would be a good opportunity for the kids to hang out with their cousins. You get a quiet week at home or perhaps you could go and visit someone you have been meaning to.

Honestly, @Northernlass99, they do EVERYTHING together. We all go away for a few days every year, and they all stick together the whole time. DH feels weird about doing anything separately. One time there was a local shop I'd read about that I wanted to go and visit (relating to a hobby of mine; it was about half an hour's drive away). I happened to mention it, and suddenly everyone was coming! Obviously DH and I could just take the kids and go somewhere, but DH would think it was incredibly rude and would feel super-awkward about doing it!

@noenergy, DS doesn't like swimming, or water slides, or anything where he gets wet! Obviously that could change by next year. And DD will be too young for slides and things.

But I'll take a look at the hotel website and see what there is. My main issue is with the heat, though - I find anything above 25 or so unbearable, and the kids become hard work as well! Plus the kids and I have fair skin, so burn easily. Plus spending that amount on a holiday if it doesn't sound like I'll enjoy it.

DH would go if it was just up to him (although I don't think he's thought through what happens if the kids get hot and whiney - usually his solution is to hand them to me)

This is an issue. Its no fun and he is getting to sign over the responsibility. My solution would be to send him and the kids for a week and see how he likes being default parent but thats me.

You could then maybe go to Istanbul for a week as there is so much to see there. Domestic flights are only about £20.

This would be my theory. However, Istanbul with two small children in the heat wouldn`t be favorite either. I have a fantastic traveler and might. But two under 5 who are a little less adaptable... no.

I think all of your reasons sound a bit like excuses. Go for a week? They don’t control you. Head out with your family to explore.

Personally I hate Turkey and would never want to visit there again but would do it for a family one-off

Say thank you but no thank you, and suggest a mini uk break instead maybe?

No way DH would take the kids on his own - I don't think they'd go, anyway! I can barely nip out to the chippie without DS at the moment.

Would also mean we wouldn't get a family holiday; we only get a "big" holiday every other year anyway (though DCs are really too young to notice where we are!).

No way DH would take the kids on his own

I bet he wouldn`t. This holiday is only fun if someone else is dealing with the fractious, hot, whining, food-refusing, water-hating children.

Two weeks seems very long. I know you said the flights are the expensive bit, but it's still a long way away, a reasonable deal can probably be found if you shop around. I'd compromise and go for 5 days/a week.

Realistically, what would Istanbul be like with a 4yo and a 2yo in July? Going there for a week would at least be more my kind of holiday, but I imagine the kids and I just being hot and bothered and not wanting to do much.

I'll keep an eye out for deals - ILs always stay in this specific hotel, though, so it HAS to be that one and no other.

Nope-if you hate hot holidays and your DH just hands whingy kids over to you-those are your two reasons, and I would be telling them to everybody!