I love you when you're being a good girl

[Fedupoflife12]

Said by my dp of 7.5 years today after I said "I love you".

We've had a pretty terrible year and that just makes me think. WTF?

A good girl? Like a child...

neveradullmoment - it's not normally the 'one' thing, or the single incident of what he says. By the time a person posts on MN, they have usually had years of it, tons of remarks, loads of comments and put downs, self-esteem knocking, gaslighting...

It's like the boiled-frog analogy. By the time they realise they are being disrespected, dismissed, belittled and demeaned, it's almost too late. (And is too late for some)

Well done for realising, OP. If you feel belittled or disrespected, it is unlikely to get any better. At least once you realise what he's doing, you can look into how YOU can react to it.

I'd LTB, personally.

He said it with all seriousness. There was no joking involved.

Then you need to consider your relationship. Does he always treat you like this?

I'd be telling him he's a naughty little boy, well I would if I wasn't too busy telling him to fuck off.

I read the title and said ‘ eurgh’ out loud before I even read the post. No. Just about acceptable as a phrase to a soppy dog looking embarrassed after a misdemeanour, certainly not to an adult woman. Not to a child, either , come to that , making love conditional on behaviour. Creepy in every way.

I think you need to look at your relationship and decide where you want it to go. Try to get "me" time on holiday so you have chance to think. Don't jump to any quick decisions.

Op if you told any of your friends in RL I think you would get a similar shocked response.

He’s a twat

It’s a phrase that I find particularly nauseating, I’m afraid. I remember being at secondary school in the 90s, and graduating from ‘Just Seventten’ to ‘More’ magazine. I have such a clear memory of four men being interviewed about their sexual habits, and one - a model/plasterer (yes, really) was asked about cunnilingus, and he replied that he thought of it as ‘good girl’s little treat’. Even at sixteen, and having never been the recipient, I wanted to drop to my knees (no irony intended) and thank God I’d never crossed paths with him. You’d have to be some fucking prick to think of oral sex in those terms. And the phrase ‘if you’re a good girl’ has stayed with me as the pinnacle of a twattish mindset.

Seventeen. Sorry - this is a water damaged tablet. V frustrating.

@neveradullmoment99 , I get what you’re saying but OP herself feels he doesn’t respect her.
She obviously knows him and any back story, so she’s probably not just going on what MNetters are saying. We’re just confirming what her gut instinct is telling her I think.

This doesn't sound like a good relationship.I think the holiday will be a good opportunity for reflection.

I'm glad you're going on holiday without him. It will give you a chance to clear your head and think about whether your marriage is worth working on, or whether it's time to end it.

Your husband sounds patronising and offensive. Unless this was a one-off thoughtless comment, I would be inclined to tell him it's over.