Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I love you when you're being a good girl

87 replies

Fedupoflife12 · 30/07/2018 12:21

Said by my dp of 7.5 years today after I said "I love you".

We've had a pretty terrible year and that just makes me think. WTF?

A good girl? Like a child...

OP posts:
diddl · 30/07/2018 13:14

So he doesn't love you?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 30/07/2018 13:15

I couldn’t get past that level of creepiness.

LoveInTokyo · 30/07/2018 13:19

Is there any particular need for you to come back after your holiday?

DeadHerring · 30/07/2018 13:20

Wait, was he actually serious?

If he genuinely means it - like actually seriously thinks he only loves you when you behave in a way he considers acceptable, then he’s got issues with object constancy. It’s something most people learn before they go to school - in adults, this lack can often indicate a disorder of some type.

If he meant it, what else has he said along these lines? If he was annoyed about something, it might just be a dick move but he might not seriously feel that way.

You need to find out if these things he’s saying are things he truly believes. If he does, you’ve got ongoing issues you’ll have to deal with and could do worse than speaking to a therapist.

hellsbellsmelons · 30/07/2018 13:20

AWomanIsAnAdult me too!
And even that would be unacceptable.

OP, you know this isn't OK.
He's controlling and he's a cock of the highest order.
You know what to do.
THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Shoxfordian · 30/07/2018 13:20

He loves you when you're compliant with everything he wants basically. Not when you express your own opinions. Ltb

ParsnipsAreTheDevil · 30/07/2018 13:22

Don’t knock it until you try it love

I'd rather not try sexual role play based on infantilisation, thank you. Creepy, gross, misogynist.

mikeyssister · 30/07/2018 13:24

I wouldn't say that to my dog.
a) because my love is unconditional
b) he's a boy

Seriously though, why are you in a relationship with this man? Is he DS's father?

Original poster
Fedupoflife12 · 30/07/2018 13:29

@Mikeyssister He is Ds father.

OP posts:
Katgurl · 30/07/2018 13:30

UGH!

The turn of phrase is so creepy and weird I could never sleep with him again.

The sentiment is so controlling and manipulative I couldn't stay with him.

Twombly · 30/07/2018 13:30

I once had a boyfriend who told me he loved me best in the early mornings, when I was too sleepy to be disagreeable. I LTB, obviously.

That's pretty crap, OP. Any chance he would discuss this properly?

LoveInTokyo · 30/07/2018 13:33

He is Ds father.

That's too bad for DS.

You would still be doing both yourself and your DS a massive favour if you LTB though.

DieAntword · 30/07/2018 13:34

If my husband said that to me I'd say "well tough luck for you because I'm a grown woman!"

neveradullmoment99 · 30/07/2018 13:41

Was he joking? I would assume a joke here.
If not and this is the norm, its weird.

neveradullmoment99 · 30/07/2018 13:44

I am always mystified at people saying leave him.
Why would anyone say this about one comment.

  1. People on mumsnet don't know the full details of the event.
  2. It may be a one off throw away comment.
  3. People dont know what is the rest of the relationship like.
  4. Is the OP being oversensitive.

My dh of 30 years - yes, 30 years makes comments that annoy me. I don't leave him on the basis of one comment.

yaria · 30/07/2018 13:45

ConfusedConfusedConfusedyak

chickenowner · 30/07/2018 13:45

That is extremely disturbing.

Did he think he was being funny?

neveradullmoment99 · 30/07/2018 13:46

and while I find mumsnet useful, I don't take all the opinions of mumsnetters who I have never met and don't know the dynamics of my relationship!

LoveInTokyo · 30/07/2018 13:48

neveradullmoment99

Fair point, but nothing the OP has posted makes this sound like a good relationship.

SluttyButty · 30/07/2018 13:48

I don't even say good girl or boy to my kids so there's no way I'd tolerate another actual adult saying it to me. That would be a deal breaker for me.

ilovesooty · 30/07/2018 13:50

Revolting. Get rid.

Bobbybear10 · 30/07/2018 13:53

He is gross! Envy < not envy!

I had an ex that whenever I was upset about something he would reply with ‘you’re not on Dr Phil’ and refuse to talk to me until I ‘got over it’ it was so demeaning when I had a legitimate issue to be met with a flippant comment and complete ignorance.

You don’t need to be with someone that doesn’t respect you!

neveradullmoment99 · 30/07/2018 13:54

Well I haven't read right through but it just surprises me at the beginning that people say 'get rid' when all they know is one comment. Not just on this thread but in others.
It may well be a case of get rid but we don't know the whole story at the beginning and probably wont in most cases unless the partner comes on.
I would have taken this as a joke. My dh would say this as a joke to deliberately annoy me!!! Personally I would have slapped him or thrown something at him and laughed it off.

CaMePlaitPas · 30/07/2018 13:57

Creepy.

ShumpaLumpa · 30/07/2018 13:57

neveradullmoment

My dh of 30 years - yes, 30 years makes comments that annoy me. I don't leave him on the basis of one comment.

But it's not just one comment is it? Did you miss OP's PST, pasted here:

Basically any instance of me getting upset about something is apparently me misbehaving...like a child.

Not helping me around the house... can't love me can he, because I get fed up and call him lazy.

Undermining me to ds(6)... I tell him he shouldn't... can't love me then can he, because I argue with him.

So being a "Good girl" I'm guessing is having no opinion and doing as I''m told.