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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I love you when you're being a good girl

87 replies

Fedupoflife12 · 30/07/2018 12:21

Said by my dp of 7.5 years today after I said "I love you".

We've had a pretty terrible year and that just makes me think. WTF?

A good girl? Like a child...

OP posts:
eggncress · 30/07/2018 12:47

He says he loves you when your a “ good girl “ as a way of controlling you.
If you challenge him in any way it means you’re not allowing him to take advantage of you.He really means he loves controlling you

Re the “ helping” around the house. “Helping” implies he sees housework as your job and he’s doing you a huge favour by doing his fair share.
Unfortunately, there is a large group of men out there who still think women are for CFC... cooking, fucking and cleaning ! ( check out the Freedom Programme)

And that’s not something you would say to someone you genuinely love is it?

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 30/07/2018 12:48

Depends in what tone it was said. My DP and I say all kinds of weird stuff to each other and do silly voices, I wouldn't have taken this seriously, but only you know your husband and how it was intended

InfiniteVariety · 30/07/2018 12:48

I would react to this too - it has creepy overtones of women only being acceptable when they are compliant

SilverySurfer · 30/07/2018 12:50

The words fuck and off come to mind. I wouldn't tolerate being spoken to like that.

chipsandgin · 30/07/2018 12:50

'Good girl'. Eww, just what the actual fuck. If you can then run, if you really can't or you love him despite this (which I'm fairly sure I couldn't) then explain in words of one syllable how utterly fucked up that statement is - although I have to say I wouldn't know where to start. Good luck and Flowers OP.

mirialis · 30/07/2018 12:53

Doesn't help around the house, undermines you in front of your child, speaks to you as if you are a child, cannot simply say 'I love you too'...

Sorry OP but that does sound grim.

Seasawride · 30/07/2018 12:53

parsnips

Don’t knock it until you try it love.Grin

Op he sounds horrible. Get yourself away and don’t let your ds see him treating you like this.

gamerwidow · 30/07/2018 12:54

Gross, he loves you as long as you follow his rules and behave?
I wouldn’t want to stay with someone who belittled me like that.

BunnyCarr · 30/07/2018 12:55

Urgh.
Bin.

EduCated · 30/07/2018 12:56

I opened this thinking you’d say someone had said it to a child, and was thinking how creepy and weird.

To say it to a partner is fucking grim.

AntipodeanOpalEye · 30/07/2018 12:57

Do you call him "Daddy". Vomit

heartsease68 · 30/07/2018 12:59

You cannot waste your life on someone like that. He doesn't know how to love.

Original poster
Fedupoflife12 · 30/07/2018 13:00

@upstarcrow it's been a possibility for a while now. There are other problems but this has just made me think WTF.

I'm due to go away next week with a friend and DS. He is so upset about it it's a joke. He wont even discuss it with me. He thinks I shouldn't go because he hasn't had a holiday in years though hes been off work for a month so far

OP posts:
MissyMoooo · 30/07/2018 13:00

WOW! He does not respect you he wants to control you. Run for the hills as fast as you can OP Thanks

AbsentmindedWoman · 30/07/2018 13:01

It's really disrespectful and assumes an authority over you that doesn't exist between two equal partners.

You really need to challenge him on this.

UpstartCrow · 30/07/2018 13:01

I think the break will do you good, you need some space and normality.

ThisCannotBe · 30/07/2018 13:01

Ergh. Assumed this was someone saying it to their child and was thinking what a horrid thing to say. Even worse that it is your partner. Gave me the heebie jeebies, never mind the patronizing attitude.

AdoraBell · 30/07/2018 13:03

Totally controlling, and he’s teaching your DS to do the same. Leave the controlling arsehole and stand your ground with DS to show him that that behaviour is wrong.

Do you have family/ friends who can support you?

LoveInTokyo · 30/07/2018 13:03

You either love someone or you don't. You don't love them sometimes.

rainforesttreeswinging · 30/07/2018 13:05

He only ‘loves’ you when you are doing exactly what you are told like all good doggies should.

So bad it is breathtaking.

I felt sure you were not happy with dp saying that to your child, I was shocked when I read it was aimed at you, a grown woman.

He has so little respect for you (and most women I suspect) it has tones of paedophilia. Awful.

eggncress · 30/07/2018 13:06

The break will be good for you.
Assume there’s nothing stopping him going on a holiday?
He may be upset because he can’t keep an eye on you.

newdocket · 30/07/2018 13:06

Ewwww. That sent a shiver up my spine and not in a good way.

LoveInTokyo · 30/07/2018 13:09

Just read your updates.

I would honestly LTB in your position. This is not a nice relationship.

CocoaGin70 · 30/07/2018 13:11

That would really upset me.

Your holiday is good timing for some breathing space.

Original poster
Fedupoflife12 · 30/07/2018 13:13

It's left me thinking what's the point. He doesn't respect me.

OP posts:
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