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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to send DC to nursery in pull ups

55 replies

MrsRainbowJohnson · 30/07/2018 10:16

My DS (3) is starting school in September and im wondering whether to send him in pull ups.

We've started potty training him but in my opinion hes not ready. We started because of pressure from MIL and school. We tried a normal potty, the seat that goes on top of toilet seat, a bigger potty and he screamed his head off with all of them. Finally found a toddler size toilet that is a potty and he happily uses this. However this is if he isn't wearing anything from waist below. If i put anything on him, he will 100% do it in whatever hes wearing. He seems to forget hes not wearing a nappy.

I understand teachers have many children to look after so need them potty trained but if i put him in his pants he will need changing and i hate the thought of him being wet.

If we go out ive been advised by HV to leave him in pull ups or a nappy and to concentrate on using potty at home first. I think this confuses him but tbh when ive tried taking him to the toilet when we are out, he screams his head off and gets very distressed.

Sorry for long post but would love some advice pls

OP posts:

Camomila · 30/07/2018 10:56

Is he starting school nursery or reception? That'll make a difference in the number of adults to children and also the expectations the teachers will have.

Fatted · 30/07/2018 11:00

Have you spoken to the school? They usually have a backup plan in place and can advise you. Ours doesn't have changing facilities. They'll accept kids in pull ups as long as it's agreed with them. But if they need changed they'll be ringing parents to collect them.

Original poster

MrsRainbowJohnson · 30/07/2018 11:13

Its school nursery

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsRainbowJohnson · 30/07/2018 11:14

Yes i have. The teacher said they need to be potty trained

OP posts:

Groovee · 30/07/2018 11:15

I work in nursery and we're not allowed to discriminate against a child who is in nappies and not allow them to come to nursery.

NataliaOsipova · 30/07/2018 11:19

Don't panic. They all get there in the end!

September is a long way away. You could try talking to him about nursery and how the other boys and girls will be using the school loos. You may find that, when he gets there and sees that, peer pressure kicks in and he will want to be the same as the others.

I remember at least one child in pull ups when my daughter started school nursery; I don't think at that age it's hugely unusual and they expect accidents etc to happen as they ask you to send spare clothes and pants.

Summer is a brilliant time to give it another go in that you can just let him run round outside with the potty there and you don't have all the faff of sorting out clothes if he has an accident.

Original poster

MrsRainbowJohnson · 30/07/2018 11:20

Thats really good. Hopefully his school will be ok with him going in pull ups aswell. We are worried about school saying he cant attend because of this as he is ready for school and happily askd when hes going

OP posts:

Merryoldgoat · 30/07/2018 11:21

My son (who we now know is autistic) was a late trainer. School nursery were very helpful and said they’d assist - to just send him in pants with a change of clothing.

There was no suggestion he couldn’t start until trained and I think it’s illegal to suggest otherwise.

beachmamma · 30/07/2018 11:24

Like Groove said , they are not allowed to discriminate based on his intimate care needs . I've literally just had this with our local nursery and it's totally against the law, in my case they stuck to their guns and I'm now following the complaints procedure and have head of early years for the area on my side . Don't let them pressure you or make you feel guilty -kids all meet milestones at different times. Have a look at the Eric-right to go xx good luck

Cutesbabasmummy · 30/07/2018 11:24

If the teacher has said they need to be potty trained you will have to persevere and train him. Read "Oh Crap its potty Training". Has worked for everyone I know and changed the way I thought about it.

He will forget he's not wearing a nappy because of muscle memory. It's all he's known since he was born. He needs to be naked from the waist down until he can go to the potty on his own. Once he's doing this you then go to very loose trousers without pants. Once he's got this then and only then can you put pants on him. He's three so he's definitely old enough.

Merryoldgoat · 30/07/2018 11:25

Also, my son was a bit late to be interested but actually was trained in a week once he was interested. He had only 2 accidents at nursery and was fully trained by the end of the October at 3y 9m including at night. A couple of weeks prior to that and he had been pissing everywhere.

Plenty of NT kids took just as long or longer - the key is they have to be ready and you can’t force it.

Original poster

MrsRainbowJohnson · 30/07/2018 11:26

Im hoping when he sees other kids he will be happy to use it too.

Wherever he goes the potty follows too. Sometimes i am in a different room to him and i come back and see he has peed in potty so he understands what its for.

Btw thank you all for your replies 😁

What would you advise about going out? Should i put him in pull ups or his pants?

OP posts:

Camomila · 30/07/2018 11:30

Atm I put DS in pull ups to go out as he is scared of public toilets but if we are just going to the playground I risk it or if we are going on a playdate I bring his potty as he doesn't mind loos in houses.

lornathewizzard · 30/07/2018 11:31

We used pull ups when out but that was only really cause her younger brother was only little so it was harder to drop everything and find a toilet when we were out.
4 weeks is a wee while yet

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 30/07/2018 11:32

If he’s happy at the thought of nursery and eager to go, he can’t be “not ready” for potty training.
He’s three. He may be resistant to the notion, but there’s no way you should meekly wait until he tells you he’s ready when he’s already 3.
Persevere.

ImNotAFlower · 30/07/2018 11:41

I was you last year. Exactly the same situation.
DS turned 3 on 22nd Augustbstill in nappies.

Three weeks later we tried (just to see with absolutely no pressure on him) and to our amazement he was dry day and night in three days.

Now I have been the other end of this kind of story with DD I feel foul to my mother and outside pressure and it took 1.5 years for her to be reliably dry.

If he isn't ready he isn't ready. Our nursery was attached to a school and they were happy to change them if needs be.

Don't put any pressure on yourselves

ImNotAFlower · 30/07/2018 11:43

As for going out take pants, take trousers (lots) and visit most toilets you go past 😁

123bananas · 30/07/2018 11:46

My ds is autistic and may yet be going into Reception without being fully trained, as others have said they cannot discriminate. He has been in pull-ups all through his time in a school nursery (even pre-diagnosis).

That being said it doesn't mean you shouldn't try, you still have 4 weeks of summer to give it a go. We are at the stage of success with weeing (not poos) from the waist down and about to move onto loose trousers before trying pants. If I can get him to the pants stage I will be sending ds with lots of changes in September. Nursery will support you and won't leave him wet.

We still use pull ups when out and about at the moment.

StrugglingMumma · 30/07/2018 11:47

My son started school nursery in pull ups.. within 2 weeks old being there he was dry and wearing normal pants. Try not to worry, he will get there in the end.

Metoodear · 30/07/2018 11:50

Fatted

Totally agree reception is not Nursey I also think it’s not a teachers hob to change poop and wee

If their not ready for reception then you need to delay a year

But if he’s only 3 then I would say ring the schoolbut you do need to make sure he’s ready for reception op

Nifflerbowtruckle · 30/07/2018 11:53

When I worked in a school nursery teachers were not allowed to change kids. If they had an accident they could assist them getting changed but they didn't have the facilities nor 'training' to change a nappy.

Cutesbabasmummy · 30/07/2018 11:58

Forget going out for a week and concentrate on getting him using the potty naked from the waist down. Don;t move the potty around with him, He needs to know where it is and to get to it when he needs it. If you put pants on him or a pull up to go out at this stage I can guarantee you he will pee in them. A week is not a lot to invest in a lifetime skill/necessity.

Mistoffelees · 30/07/2018 12:07

Teachers/nursery staff are allowed to change nappies, don't need two members of staff to do so, and shouldn't be calling parents to collect of a child is wet/dirty. All these myths are addressed by ERIC (mentioned above).
That being said, with funding cuts many school nurseries, including the one I teach in, now work on the minimum ratios of 1 staff member to 13 children, realistically (for us at least) this means 1:25 for most of the autumn term as one member of staff spent nearly all of the session in the toilets changing children.
So if you are able to get him independently toileting by September the staff will really appreciate it and it bears nearly no odds whether they're in pants/pull ups/nappies as the staff member is out of the room anyway so getting trousers/socks/shoes changed as well isn't that much extra effort so long as you keep their spare clothes bag well stocked (name label all these as well as their normal school stuff!)

Fang2468 · 30/07/2018 12:54

I think pull ups are confusing as they feel and look like a nappy. I would really keep trying to crack it naked or in underwear.
I stayed in for nearly a week with my Dd who was more resistant to it, until she got more used to it. She was naked from the waist and did have lots of accidents at first.
For going out we took the potty and had a few emergency wees in car parks using it, and wees before and after visiting somewhere. Also bought lots of cheap underwear, socks and pants. It’s not easy!

TheVanguardSix · 30/07/2018 13:03

I used ‘Dry Like Me early days’ pads for DS when he started nursery last September. So he wore pants and these pads. He got the hang of holding his bladder and using the kiddie toilets very quickly.

It’s totally normal and acceptable to pick up your child in spare clothes with a plastic bag full of wet ones from September to December. Don’t fret in the least. By April, your little one will probably have been accident free for a long time.

Pull-ups tend to encourage peeing in pants. So I’d take on the challenge of wearing real pants to nursery OP. Line them with the Dry Like Me pads and deal with the accidents as they happen. Accidents are totally normal and actually, the accidents will help ‘train’ your child and encourage use of the loo (which will be very easy with those toddler-sized toilets).

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