To ask if anyone has any regrets about deciding to have a 3rd child?

[OhMyGawsh]

Before I get flamed, I know you could never regret a child. DH & I would love a 3rd child but if we do decide to, money will definitely be that bit tighter. I don't work at the moment due predominantly to where we are located and DH's huge work commitments. It makes financial sense for me to take care of our 2 DC at the moment. So in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, there will be a time when I'll be earning again so although things would be tight right now, I'd like to think they wouldn't be so tight in a few years.

I'd love to hear from people who were wary of having a 3rd but went on to have one and whether with hindsight, they would make the same choice if they could go back.

Sorry I’m no help here, but interested in some of the answers. I without a doubt want a third, but know there are a million sensible/logical reasons not to have another.

I’m currently pregnant with DC3 so not your target audience but I don’t regret it yet . We always wanted three children and I think would always have been thinking ‘what if’ if we didn’t try for another. In similar circumstances to you I’m also currently a SAHM (although starting to pick up some freelance work) so thought we may as well get on with it now before I try and restart my career!

And a fourth.
They’re all brilliant, don’t get me wrong. I would struggle to choose which 2 out of the 4 I should have kept but 2 would be so much easier both financially and for my mental health.
Then I watch them sitting in a heap on the sofa and wouldn’t change anything.

See I'm not a home owner and I'm 29. DH is a soldier. I feel concerned that we don't own a home but at the same time, if we have a child in the not too distant future, I'll have plenty of time for a decent career once the kids are a little older. We have no family nearby so childcare really doesn't work well for us. I wouldn't be able to earn enough to make it worthwhile for quite some time. We don't have savings at this moment in time as we recently had to use them. But I desperately want a 3rd child and really don't feel our family is complete.

Similar set up here too - SAHM, DH working long hours. DC3 is 3.5mo now (others are nearly 6 and just turned 2). It was very hard at first and I definitely had a bit of a wobble wondering if we’d done the right thing, but I’m so glad we went for it. She’s awesome and has completed the family perfectly. We always wanted 3 and it feels really right for us. I have a history of mc and struggled badly with anxiety in the earlier stages of DC3 pregnancy, to the point where i told DH that regardless of the outcome, I didn’t know if I could put myself through it again. If we’d stopped at 2 I would still have felt incredibly lucky and grateful to have what I have, but i think I would always have felt like there was someone missing. It is a lovely feeling to be completely done. Financially we are lucky enough to be absolutely fine right now, especially while DC are very little, but at some stage we’ll need to move house and obviously me working will speed up that process, so I’ll probably look at picking up something in a year or so. By the time they get truly expensive (teenagers & up) we should be fine to help them out if necessary, although tbh I’ve never held with the MN view that you should be able to afford to put them through uni, buy them a car and a house before you even have them. As long as you can comfortably afford the basics and a few fun extras while they’re growing up, that’s a decent deal imo.

I was desperate for three children. For a good few years ( maybe four years in total I thought of little else) My dh was not so keen but eventually agreed. In the end we decided we would stick with two, they were healthy, happy and play well together. We have the time and money to look after them well and give them both a good start in life , this what we decided at the time.

I look back now and thank god we didn’t have more children.
Dh most his job, his parents died, we had to relocate and I had to have various surgeries. We would never have coped with three children esp with one being so young. Now we are out of the woods nearly, and I just don’t have to look after very young children now we are older. The very thought of it makes me feel truly exhausted.
We could never have guessed what was to come, and if we had over stretched ourselves even more I think I would have had a breakdown with the stress tbh.
I don’t know how old you are, but this is definitely a factor to consider. All of my friends are over forty now, and we have all spoken about a lack of energy levels.

Dc are just as demanding when they are older, in some cases more so. I thought it would get easier but it doesn’t really, it just changes.
Think very carefully. My wish for more children was hormonal, biological looking back, it passes, and I am very glad I didn’t have more in the end.

I have 3 and am pregnant with #4.

Life would be much easier if we'd stuck to 2. Housing, cars and holidays are slightly trickier (so more expensive) when you're not a 2+2 family. Even stuff like chicken kievs come in packages of 4! The number of interpersonal relationships between the kids goes up exponentially with each addition - with your first two there is one relationship to manage, add a third and there's three, plus the dynamic between all of them. Not every child is neurotypical which affects this too.
You will stop being invited to some places once you're a brood, too.

I wouldn't change it for the world but I wouldn't consider it without being reasonably comfortable financially and without a back-up plan for childcare if someone is ill / there's an emergency. I have my parents (when they're not off on a cruise ) and 3 or 4 good friends. I make a point of helping them out with childcare when possible so plenty of favours I can call in!

Just seen you are 29. So young enough.
If you don’t own your own home and have savings personally there is no way I would have another baby. You have no safety net financially or in terms of family support.

Perhaps you need a secure home and some savings behind you first?
You have time.

I have three. I have to be honest and say I do regret it sometimes because it's just so bloody hard to juggle their needs. The eldest has ASD, the youngest has severe shyness and anxiety and giving them the attention they need and deserve can sometimes be difficult. The fights can feel constant. The costs of holidays and big days out can be prohibitive.

But I love them all so very much and wouldn't do it differently if I had to do it all again.

I have a ‘third child’, I say this with inverted commas as she is a family member who has come to live with us through circumstance. She’s older than my two. I adore her and she’s wonderful but financially it makes a massive difference. Just trying to book a holiday was hell so if you’re worried about finances please think carefully.

I contemplated having a third and thought over the years it would’ve completed the family more but really glad we didn’t now for so many reasons. My two are close in age, s third would’ve meant a bigger gap as I couldnt have done it til ds in school, financially harder, bigger car (hate driving a big car!), more stress.
We went for a cat instead!!

No family support either really, esp now, so that is also a big factor.,

I had my first 2 at 29 and 30 without owning a property (moved around too much including abroad). We decided we wouldn’t have a third until we were settled and had bought a house, which we did at the end of last year. Now 33 and pregnant with no 3. You have plenty of time.

Our family was definitely complete when we had our third. I absolutely love having 3 and it has made life much more fun! We had 3/4 years between each baby. Our eldest is now a teen and pretty much keeps herself to herself (when she isn't socialising with friends), but the younger two still enjoy playing together each day.

*Just seen you are 29. So young enough.
If you don’t own your own home and have savings personally there is no way I would have another baby. You have no safety net financially or in terms of family support.

Perhaps you need a secure home and some savings behind you first?
You have time.*

^^ This. Absolutely.

I'm pregnant with my third. The deal with my husband was we had to buy a house first and am glad we did that. We don't have much family support, but I knew I wanted a third and would have regretted not having another one.

We have 2 and absolutely don't feel 'done', but we've agreed to wait until we're in a bigger (mortgaged) house and £20k in savings before trying for dc3. If this takes us past 35 we'd like to consider adoption or fostering.

Watching with interest.
We are also a military family OP, I’m a SAHM with 2 young dcs and am itching for a 3rd, but the financial impact of that has me questioning it

I'm pregnant with my third, I do wish I had stopped at two

I wanted a third, OH didn't and I am very very glad we stopped at 2.

Our two children are in full time further education.

DDs accommodation costs alone are £600 a month.

My no3 is 4 months old and fabulous! It's easier than having 2 because the older 2 play with each other and one day a week in term time I even get a day alone with the baby as the other 2 go to preschool.
The only tough part in having 3 so close in age is the toll it's taken on my body.

My brother has regrets. The third was a surprise baby though. The extra energy it costs them to have three instead of two is a strain on the marriage. My brother is autistic and just can't handle having three kids. This means that SIL gets to do all the parenting (tbf my brother takes on more household jobs for compensation). There is some resentment.

Kid is healthy and cute though. And I also know people who are happy with the third. It really depends on your situation I guess.

It is expensive to do three of everything, it is hard work.
I don't regret it but is expensive and hard work.

We both work and use childcare as also have no family nearby.

I thank DH on a weekly basis for saying "no" to a third. There's 2.5yrs between DC 1 & 2 and I was doing my best to persuade DH from when DC2 was about 18mths which was, crucially, before DC1 started school. School changes everything in terms of childcare logistics and last minute demands for an outfit or a random bit of kit. Having them in nursery which was open from 7.30 - 6.00 51 weeks a year was so easy in comparison. A few health issues with DC2 also gave me an insight into how time consuming and stressful it could be if you had a child with regular appt.
DC are now 8 aand 6 and our lives tick along nicely. They get on well and rarely fall out in part because they no there isn't another option, they do a range of activities which we can afford and cover the logistics of as there are only 2 of them, neither of them has to spend much time hanging around waiting for the other to do something whereas all of the third children I know spend hours a week watching their siblings swim/do ballet/do gymnastics etc.
I have a great job with a flexible boss but I don't think it would be possible to do it with a third with another nativity play, possibility of illness etc to manage.