To ask if anyone has any regrets about deciding to have a 3rd child?

[OhMyGawsh]

Before I get flamed, I know you could never regret a child. DH & I would love a 3rd child but if we do decide to, money will definitely be that bit tighter. I don't work at the moment due predominantly to where we are located and DH's huge work commitments. It makes financial sense for me to take care of our 2 DC at the moment. So in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, there will be a time when I'll be earning again so although things would be tight right now, I'd like to think they wouldn't be so tight in a few years.

I'd love to hear from people who were wary of having a 3rd but went on to have one and whether with hindsight, they would make the same choice if they could go back.

Having a third (and fourth) has probably saved our family. Dc1 and 2 are both boys, polar opposites, and hate each other. As small children they fought, now it's mostly verbals. Dc3 - another boy- turned out to be the glue. He is easy going, gets on with each of the older 2, is placid and cheerful. Dc4 is a girl and therefore is less in competition. I really feel family life with just my older 2 would have been extremely stressful. As it is they can separate and still each have a companion or be in a trio with my glue boy who mediates. Couldn't be without any one of them but so glad we didn't stop at 2.

I have 3 and it’s wonderful! Wouldn’t change a thing. My eldest two adore the baby and our family now feels complete in a way it didn’t before. We haven’t found it a financial strain as we already had the baby gear and clothes will be handed down. Once the costs start racking up, I’ll be back at work to help fund it.
It is harder obviously and you do have to be a real team with your DH. You definitely need a partner who sees childcare as their responsibility too.
I ignored all the doom and gloomers saying holidays etc are not set up for three kids. Of course they are - you just go self catering or choose a villa or whatever. I look at my 3 and am grateful every day.

I had an accidental third. I was devastated when I was pregnant. I thought I would not be able to cope at all. When she was born all that anxiety went and I love her to bits and cannot imagine life with two rather than three. But.... it is without doubt so much harder with three. Everything changes. We needed a bigger car. Holidays became so so much more expensive. Food, clothing everything. We do struggle. We have an issue now because we are in a three bed. Can't afford to move or get the loft done. The girls are 14 and 11. They hate sharing a room. They argue all the time and it's very stressful.

I have 3 with 3 years apart from each of them, the first two were planned, my third was unexpected contraception failure. I don't regret having three and I couldn't imagine life now without my youngest but it is a lot of hard work, I am now single which I wasn't anticipating when I was pregnant with him so now nearly all of the hard work with kids, discipline,running them around,early starts etc etc all fall down to me which probably makes it a lot harder. If i knew now how hard it can be I would have probably stopped at 2 in hindsight but no i wouldn't say I regret it, it's a lot of expense for me now I'm alone and a heavy burden on my shoulders that's it's all up to me to try and raise them into decent adults 😂

We have three, and most of our friends seem to have three too. We cope because we know nothing different - there's just three and half years between the oldest and youngest. We don't have an extravagant lifestyle, but do have a mortgage on a 1930s semi that's been extended into the loft, so enough room at home for a bedroom each. Two are now at uni, on all the standard non-means tested loans, so we're paying out more than our mortgage in accommodation for them. I didn't work for six years, started back part-time, so didn't need any childcare and am now working full-time for the same employer.

We had camping holidays, or stayed with relatives, when the kids were younger, and moved on to holiday cottages when the oldest was about 13 and for the second year this year we've had a more expensive holiday in Europe in hotels. The cars we've had have been looked after and made to last. Clothes have been handed down within the family, and then handed on to others. Food has always been home cooked, and frequently vegetarian. They're cheap to entertain (most of the time) - all we need on holiday is a pack of playing cards! The neighbourhood we live in is lovely, and the kids don't look at other families and think they've got a raw deal in theirs.

The kids get on very well with each other, and have always got on well with each other. That's the most important thing for me, and where most of the hard work has taken place to ensure they have respect for each other and value their relationships. Both DC2 and DC3 came as a surprise, and I have no regrets whatsoever. But then, I don't know any different!

rainforesttreeswinging your experience is very similar to mine, I dithered for years over a third child and in our case it was very lucky I didn't go ahead as other stresses and life problems mean it would have been very tricky to have managed a third much younger one in amongst everything else. I am now extremely thankful I had two, close in age, and now relatively mature and sensible.

This would be very different though, with younger parents as here who both want a third.

Just had no.3 and this thread is making me feel very worried and sad.

When I had my third I definitely thought what have I done! DC 3 was a traumatic birth and a cranky non sleeping baby. My other children were 2 & 4 so it was a hard few years trying to manage them without any family support around.
I don't regret it I love my kids and my life but I wont be going for number 4 thats for sure.

Three is the best! My third was a "surprise", definitely not planned. Her brothers were 10 and 5 when she was born, I was gutted to find I was pregnant. She is now 15 and EVERY day of her life she wakes up smiling, is so loving and happy and the relationship between my three "kids" is a joy to see. If I had stopped at two our family would have missed out on so much. Don't get bogged down with logistics, I love being a mum of three.

I don't regret it but I found the jump from two to three massive. We needed a bigger car, holidays etc became much more expensive. It didn't help that DC 3 was a very whingy baby that didn't sleep well and didn't nap at all. We went on to have two more though, no regrets.

I wouldn’t worry if you have had your third, not everyone has life stress at same time. We are probably older than you and dealing with bereavements of parents etc. Enjoy your baby! 💐

Number 3 was an unexpected surprise!

Number 3 is the financial killer in the family. That's where you need a larger house , car, family tickets are 2 plus 2 and so forth. Holidays become out of reach. Looking back he was largely overlooked as well as one of his brothers had a very troublesome streak.

Before I get flamed, I know you could never regret a child

Why do people say this? It's nonsense. Of course people have regretted having a child, countless people, since the dawn of time.

Number 3 is the financial killer in the family. That's where you need a larger house , car, family tickets are 2 plus 2 and so forth. Holidays become out of reach

For you perhaps, but please don't speak as a universal. I did not find this the case at all, neither did many other people I know. Holidays are the same as they were before, as they are with child 4. 3 kids fit in an average car, you certainly don't automatically need a larger house. That's all very silly generalisations.

I have three after many years of just two, I love it and no regrets but I do feel the benefit of (sometimes) helpful older children

Plus seeing their love for another baby at their age is lovely

Holidays have always still been affordable with 3 children. It all depends on what you want to do. Certainly, we've never booked into a top class hotel in St Lucia with 3 children, but we wouldn't have done that with 2, or one, or even none.

My three are 26, 25 and 19! So a bit of a gap between 2nd and 3rd. I was desperate for number three, and yes, it was tough for a while, she had undiagnosed Dyspraxia which made life very difficult and everything cost more, bigger car etc, but luckily it coincided with a time when exH was making enough money so I could be a SAHM. Yes, there were times when I thought "What have I done?" but she's grown into a capable, clever, loving young woman and I can't bear the thought that she might not have existed!

I have three and adore it! The noise, the mess, the energy (and I really do like having a clean quiet, ordered space!!) is wonderful. Don’t regret it for a second - even though, yes, of course it’s a big jump in the sense that I had to trade in my car for a minivan, and holidays, etc. are geared towards accommodating families of four, typically (although I sense this is changing.)

Interestingly, we had ummed and ahhed about having a third - and as soon as he was born we knew our family was complete.

I was the third child in my family and I came out as a girl, not the boy they wanted, so there was disappointment.

My elder siblings took up a lot of my parents time as one was poorly and the money just ran out when it came to me.

I wore hand me downs and put myself through university by winning scholarships, but my parents couldn’t afford to give me orthodontist treatment like they did my older siblings. My wedding wasn’t paid for like my older siblings. I don’t feel resentful now, but it did sting when I was forking out for my own, with no help at all from them, and indeed having to supplement my parents.

I’ve always felt the overstretched themselves, and the only upside to it is that I left home early and never looked back, as I felt they would never miss me, and that meant I shifted for myself from an early age.

In fact I feel they should have stopped at one child and I know they regret having me and my second sibling.

I know it’s a bit depressing to think about OP but my dad was in the armed forces, but had to leave as he suffered an injury. Just factor in what disability or death would do to your position and I think you have your answer.

I’d refrain as an accountant /bookkeeper or something and then think again. You need to be able to support yourself and the kids you have already.

Saying the third child “is the financial killer in the family” is utter nonsense. We haven’t found that, as haven’t millions of other families with 3!

By that, I mean 2 kids can be financially crippling if you have nothing!

Surely the third child is only the ‘financial killer’ if you can’t afford 3 children?

I love having 3 DC, the only down side is going away is a lot more expensive as a lot of places are aimed at 2 adults 2 children staying there.

In the same position. Desperate for a third but financially we’d have to cut back, my two are in car seats and I think I’d have to get a people wagon to accommodate which I’m not keen on either.

We’ve decided to wait 5 years. The eldest will be 10 and hopefully out of a car seat or in a smaller booster, we’ll have a bigger house, bigger income etc.

When the teenager is grunting and throwing shapes, I find myself wishing I had never bothered and he is an only.