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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with school mum saying DD is teachers favourite.

57 replies

Toodle · 30/07/2018 07:15

DD has just finished reception. She has got on really well this year. In the beginning she struggled with even holding a pencil properly let alone writing and reading. At the end of term she was given a special merit award for working so hard this year. She ended the year with at least expected in all areas.
One of the other mums has said (to my face!) that the only reason DD got the award is because she is the teachers favourite. She said she's seen my DD "showing off" in the mornings by going up to the teacher when it's time to go in and saying good morning or showing her writing or drawings that she has done.

I sort of laughed her off and said not to be so silly, even though DD seems very confident, the reason she's showing her teacher her work is because less than a year ago she couldn't even write her name and she's proud. As am I. But I certainly don't think that makes her the "favourite".

She replied saying her DD got "exceeding" in every aspect of the curriculum so she deserved the award more as she did better than my DD. At that point I just said how wonderful it was that her DD was doing so well and I'm sure she's very proud and then walked away as to be honest it all just felt ridiculous.

They give out awards at the end of each term and this is the first one my DD has got so it's not a case of my child always being "the one" and her DD got a bloody headteachers award before Christmas so I'm not sure what this mums problem is.

As it is, we made a fuss of DD when she got the award and praised her for all her hard work. Stuck it on the fridge and it hasn't been mentioned since, whilst I think it's lovely, it's not something I really care about either way. I'm just pleased DD is happy at school!

Aibu to be annoyed and think that we should be encouraging children and not bloody pitting them against each other and constantly comparing?

OP posts:

MeanTangerine · 30/07/2018 07:19

I can see why you're annoyed but it is a waste of your energy.

Smile, nod, absently say "Oh yes, you're so right" to everything, and avoid the nutter.

AlonsoTigerHeart · 30/07/2018 07:19

Ahh she's just a twat, if it wasn't over this it would be over something else.

Whackytaco · 30/07/2018 07:19

Sounds like jealousy OP.
Next time she voices her opinion, say " oh you really think that?" or "Sorry, I didn't catch what you said?"
Put it back to her and make her look sillier than before.

HolyMountain · 30/07/2018 07:20

You were right to walk away and dismiss what this woman said.

Plain old jealousy that your dd got an award and hers didn’t.

ClaryFray · 30/07/2018 07:23

Ignore it.

This is the very reason I enjoy working so I don't get so caught up with other mums at the school.

chickenowner · 30/07/2018 07:26

Just ignore her. She sounds completely nuts to be so over-invested in a Reception class award!

BootsMagoots · 30/07/2018 07:31

She's jealous. I hope her child isn't the same as her. Well done on the award.

LongWalkShortPlank · 30/07/2018 07:36

My reception age dd also got pupil of the year and her teacher said it literally couldn't have gone to anyone else. While I'm sure there are some kids exceeding more than my daughter, my daughter is (and I'm not just saying this as her mum, lol) an absolute delight and everyone loves her to pieces. She probably is her teachers favourite. They hug and she's always excited to see her. But that's not why she got the certificate, she got the certificate for being who she is. I think it's definitely something to celebrate. They're so little and it IS a big deal to them. Luckily everyone was really nice when my dd got hers and made a fuss about how well she did, but if someone had said that to me I would have just said "I think you're being unfair to a small child who worked very hard this year, if there's an issue take it up with the school, but I'm going to treat my daughter for doing such a good job".

ShumpaLumpa · 30/07/2018 07:44

her teacher said it literally couldn't have gone to anyone else.

Would a teacher really say this?

Bowerbird5 · 30/07/2018 07:47

Her daughter might be exceeding but your daughter has made more progress.
Put a little mark against mums name you are likely to meet this attitude again if they are in class all the way through primary. Pushy parent!

Your daughter has done very well celebrate it and forget about other mum. Next time her daughter gets an award teach her mum how to be gracious and go and congratulate her child. It might make her think twice next time but I doubt it. Agree if she repeats refer her to the teacher. She will become THAT parent if she isn't careful.

MarthasGinYard · 30/07/2018 07:47

What a nausebox

This parent literally wouldn't exist to me.

MarthasGinYard · 30/07/2018 07:48

Reception aswell

Ugh years of it

mmzz · 30/07/2018 07:48

The other mother thinks the highest attainer should get the awards. They don't these days and she'll eventually learn that.
Throughout primary and secondary school the awards consistently go to those who have improved their behaviour (maybe from a low base), or started to make a lot of progress or have started to work harder (perhaps after a slack phase). They are supposed to be positive reinforcement, not a measure of who is achieving the highest results. Sometimes, they are just about whose turn it is.

She should not have said that to you. It was a stupid, impolitic thing to say and just makes her look bad.

strawberrisc · 30/07/2018 07:48

Smile, nod, mentally tell her to “fuck off” and feel sorry for her child.

skunkatanka · 30/07/2018 07:50

Bloody hell. This is at the end of reception. That mum has got a long journey ahead of her!

nellieellie · 30/07/2018 07:52

There are ALWAYS some parents who get snippy about any other child getting awards if theirs hasn’t. The constant, “oh, it’s not fair. Just because my DD /DS is SO clever, and SO well behaved, s he NEVER gets recognised. It’s ALWAYS the child with problems that gets it” is a frequent complaint in the playground. I have one very able child who lacks confidence so is often not recognised, and one with learning difficulties who is often accused of being “lazy” or “slow”. However, they both DO get recognised, maybe by just one teacher, maybe in a different way. I think it’s a case of celebrating the successes whether there’s an award or not
More importantly though, I think we teach our children by our responses. When a child that has tried really hard gets an award, I don’t tell my child it’s not fair they didn’t get it, I say how nice it is that so and so got it for all their hard work. At the end of this term, my DD was cross, not because she didn’t get any of the end of term awards, but because a friend who finds schoolwork very hard, but has progressed really well this year, didn’t get one.
I think it’s good to encourage children to take delight from the successes of others. And, to gain satisfaction from a job well done, whether or not it’s recognised with a piece of paper or gold star.

LookAtIt · 30/07/2018 07:54

Bloody hell. This is at the end of reception. That mum has got a long journey ahead of her!

Let's hope the other Mum doesn't find the Mumsnet Education Boards or we will all be hearing about how wonderful her DD is for years 😂😭

CallingDannyBoy · 30/07/2018 08:00

LookAtit ooh let's hope she does!

So many good ways to ignore it up thread and mentallly note her down as one of those parents and steer clear.

5000KallaxHoles · 30/07/2018 08:01

Mine IS one of the teacher's favourites (pretty universally across the adults in the reception class she's just left) - and it's not at all down to being "exceeding"...by all accounts she's got a future of struggling quite a lot at school ahead of her - but she has an amazing resilient attitude (I'm actually a little bit in awe of how amazing she is in that regard) and will give anything the best try going with a huge smile on her face and she's got a cracking sense of humour and gives out huge hugs... and she's just won people over completely like that. Everyone has a huge soft spot for her in school.

Doesn't mean she gets showered with awards or anything like that (she manages to get herself plastered with stickers fairly consistently though) - but I do know via various means that she's a real genuine favourite in the class.

There are a couple of parents in the class who took against her to start with (wonky, off balance kid with sensory difficulties and speech problems = we don't want our pwecious associating with such a kid) and they've had a problem with her all year - every time she's been praised to me at handover (just in terms of a "she really hurt herself falling over today but she's amazingly resilient and strong this little girl" comment or whatever) they've huffed and puffed and generally had a face like a heavily botoxed slapped arse. The ringleader's been caught slagging off most of the school parents though as it's all drifted back via the fact everyone goes to the same bloody hairdressers and the like around here.

Teateaandmoretea · 30/07/2018 08:07

She is going to be very disappointed if she thinks the brightest children get the most awards. It definitely isn't the case, particularly if they are very consistent with their effort as well.

kateandme · 30/07/2018 08:08

ignore her.
and do make a massibve thing of it for your dd!there is a difference between huge amount of praise and boosting there little confidences and indulging.she needs to be shown how amazing she has done.screw the other woman
and for her to be now going to her teacher.that so lovely.esepcailly after so long of not feeling able to.she probably is seeking over reassurance still too.
and so what if she is a favourite because she is doing this.good on her for being lovely and sweet and being the type of child the teacher loves to teach

IVEgotthePOWER · 30/07/2018 08:11

What a silly woman!

Maybe you should make her an award?

Tinkobell · 30/07/2018 08:15

Ask her next time "OMG, you're not actually jealous of a child are you?"

Happygoldfinch · 30/07/2018 08:16

The mother is confusing effort with attainment. Your daughter's award was for effort. Good for your daughter - it sounds like she deserved it, too.

Original poster

Toodle · 30/07/2018 08:22

Ah thanks for all the responses. I'm glad it's not just me that thinks it was ridiculous. I just can't deal with competitive parenting. I want my DC to go to school, be happy, get a good education and be proud of themselves. I also try to teach my DC to be pleased when their friends do well, certainly not upset if they don't get an award but their friends do.

School gate drama already and there's years ahead. Oh boy.

OP posts:

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