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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with school mum saying DD is teachers favourite.

57 replies

Toodle · 30/07/2018 07:15

DD has just finished reception. She has got on really well this year. In the beginning she struggled with even holding a pencil properly let alone writing and reading. At the end of term she was given a special merit award for working so hard this year. She ended the year with at least expected in all areas.
One of the other mums has said (to my face!) that the only reason DD got the award is because she is the teachers favourite. She said she's seen my DD "showing off" in the mornings by going up to the teacher when it's time to go in and saying good morning or showing her writing or drawings that she has done.

I sort of laughed her off and said not to be so silly, even though DD seems very confident, the reason she's showing her teacher her work is because less than a year ago she couldn't even write her name and she's proud. As am I. But I certainly don't think that makes her the "favourite".

She replied saying her DD got "exceeding" in every aspect of the curriculum so she deserved the award more as she did better than my DD. At that point I just said how wonderful it was that her DD was doing so well and I'm sure she's very proud and then walked away as to be honest it all just felt ridiculous.

They give out awards at the end of each term and this is the first one my DD has got so it's not a case of my child always being "the one" and her DD got a bloody headteachers award before Christmas so I'm not sure what this mums problem is.

As it is, we made a fuss of DD when she got the award and praised her for all her hard work. Stuck it on the fridge and it hasn't been mentioned since, whilst I think it's lovely, it's not something I really care about either way. I'm just pleased DD is happy at school!

Aibu to be annoyed and think that we should be encouraging children and not bloody pitting them against each other and constantly comparing?

OP posts:
buddahbelly · 30/07/2018 08:23

I get it, I recently found out im called a pushy mum behind my back by a few of the other mums - my crime I hear you ask - because ds can read and is on the highest reading level in his class.

Im a cbeebies/ipad mum just like the rest of them, but because I read to my child that also makes me a pushy mum. its her own insecurities coming out, nothing more, nothing less.

BrutusMcDogface · 30/07/2018 08:25

5000KallaxHoles

You sound like one of "those" parents, too.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 30/07/2018 08:32

It’s definitely not you!

The woman is a rude twat, you’ll meet a few of them over the years, best way to deal with it is to smile and ignore.

Take another opportunity to celebrate your DD having worked so hard and being the little star she is. Whatever you think she’d enjoy...bake a cake with a star on it or whatever.

5000KallaxHoles · 30/07/2018 08:39

Couldn't give a shiny shit if I'm one of "those" parents. MN seems to view it as some kind of earth shatteringly awful insult that will stop people in their tracks... kind of like a "tinkly little laugh" will fell an rampaging rhino or "no" will stop any cheeky fucker - it's all rather pathetic.

My kids' school actually know I'm one of the least "those" parents you'd ever hope to meet so the fact some random on the internet's decided to throw around personal insults in their eternal knowledge and superiority is quite funny really.

SugarIsAmazing · 30/07/2018 08:49

Wait a few years and it won't matter how much effort, politeness or academic attainment is gained; the awards will go to little Johnny who's only kicked off twice this week ...

picklepost · 30/07/2018 08:54

Shit this made me laugh. 😝

brizzledrizzle · 30/07/2018 09:08

Wait a few years and it won't matter how much effort, politeness or academic attainment is gained; the awards will go to little Johnny who's only kicked off twice this week ...

^ This. In some schools at least.

NWQM · 30/07/2018 09:13

Yep - buckle up. The playground can be a ridiculously bumpy ride. You handled that fab. When it starts getting a bit much just take a sneaky look at that reward. Your daughter is doing great. You are doing great. The other Mum needs to get over herself. Good job OP

IceCreamFace · 30/07/2018 09:13

She's one of those parents! She'll go through school complaining whenever her DD isn't the star of the school play, if the school chooses an event at sports day her DD isn't good at, her DD doesn't do brilliantly in a test. This time it's directed at you next time it will be someone else. Ignore her until she finds the next thing to be angry about.

IceCreamFace · 30/07/2018 09:23

5000 I don't think you sound like one of 'those' parents at all. I think your daughter has difficulties and you're justifiably proud of how well she copes with them. Good for you and her.

I am glad that schools now recognise effort rather than just attainment. My DC are both very academic and awful at sports. They know from a very young age that they're good at maths/reading etc but bring encouraged at the things they're not good at has made an enormous difference.

Mosaic123 · 30/07/2018 09:24

As Mum of two grown up DS who usually did well at school you have many years of this rubbish so just relax and smile sweetly about whatever they say.

Unfortunately this continues on when your children reach adulthood and have careers, other parents/friends will ask how they are in order to assess how well they are doing against their own adult children.

Also, people lie.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 30/07/2018 09:29

The silly twit’s daughter is probably more mature than she is, just ignore.
Your post is extremely peculiar, LongWalkShortPlank Confused
She got the award for being who she is and the teacher said it literally couldn’t have gone to anyone else?
What a very very odd teacher... Are you certain that’s happened?

FlyingElbows · 30/07/2018 09:37

Sadly some parents really never mature beyond the playground. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Anyone who doesn't understand that motivational rewarding of behaviour and effort in primary school is or needs to be a thing is a monumental idiot. What kind of adult gets in a strop over reception age awards? Yes, not one you want to hang around with. She'll demanding a 24/7 direct line to the head next Wink

RadicalFern · 30/07/2018 09:39

I mean, your child might be the teacher's favourite, especially if she is a kind child who tries hard. But that doesn't mean that teachers can't assess things impartially for giving out awards.

Parents competing over awards given to their children is really sad - not good for them, or the people they're competing with, or their children. You sound like you're striking a good balance between being pleased with the external rewards your daughter is getting, and teaching her that is not ALL about those rewards.

HolyMountain · 30/07/2018 09:41

I'm a TA in reception.

Firstly, Pupil of the Year, in reception? Grin, is this in the UK?

her teacher said it literally couldn't have gone to anyone else, I cannot ever imagine a teacher saying this out loud snigger

Leesa65 · 30/07/2018 09:41

So glad I don't have all this school gate nonsense anymore .

OP, ignore her. As others have said its likely jealousy.
Do not allow this to take the shine off of your little girls achievements. Well Done to your DD.

AdventuresRUs · 30/07/2018 09:45

Its really not good when teachers have favourites.

However it is lovely when infant school teachers make every parent feel like thwir child is special and a favourite :)
See also end of year reports when everyone feels their child did amazing. Theres a knack to it!

ShumpaLumpa · 30/07/2018 09:48

I suspect some people on this thread have saturated Facebook with statuses about their little darlings being teacher's favourite and universally loved and have pounced on this thread to continue in the same vein.

OP, you handled that situation beautifully. I hope your DD wins plenty more awards.

Rockyrockcake · 30/07/2018 09:48

Parents can be unbelievable. My GD won a competition for a Christmas Card which was to be use by a Company which sponsors the school .

My DD had a hobby Of making cards which she sold at the school fetes. When the cards went on display with GD’s winning card, one Dad very loudly congratulated by DD on ‘her’ work.

My GD was 6, the card was an extremely amateur Snowman with a Scarf in the school colours, which also happened to be the Company colours.

MissClareRemembers · 30/07/2018 09:49

I’m intrigued by the parents who KNOW their child is one of the favourites? How do you know this?

A friend with a Dd a couple of years older than my child told me once that her daughter’s year 6 teacher had actually THANKED her, the mum, for giving birth to such a wonderful child. I was a tad sceptical.

My DS ended up with the same year 6 teacher. And yup, the teacher would go totally over the top with praise for the kids in his class at parents evening. Lovely, effective and well liked teacher but they didn’t half overdo the praise! It was a work of genius really, because you felt so greateful for the glowing accolades you forgot any issues you had!

MarthasGinYard · 30/07/2018 09:51

There's a few I'd avoid hereGrin

sleepylittlebunnies · 30/07/2018 10:13

How come so many parents are aware of other children’s abilities in class? I’ve got 3 school age kids and couldn’t tell you what levels their friends are at or even where my own DC are in their classes. I care about my own DC’s progress and effort. I’ve been able to tell when teachers are fond of my DC or not keen but to be able to confidently say your DC is favoured by the teacher shows either an unprofessional teacher or a deluded parent.

Our school gives awards for attainment and for progress which I think is fair. None of mine won any this year. Middle DC 8 has had a lot of issues this year with multiple supply teachers and had an awful end of year report for attainment and learning behaviour but a meeting with SENCO on the last day of term showed that despite being under average she had progressed 6x her projected progress for English and 5x for maths. I am disappointed in her teacher that there was no mention of this but not that she didn’t receive an award for it. Others have have progressed even more.

In autistic DS’s leavers assembly there were 20 awards for 28 kids so 8 kids sat there without receiving one including DS. All 20 were deserving of their awards but I felt so sad for the 8 left who didn’t get one. DS wasn’t sad for himself but felt his best friend should have received one. My friend’s DC who passed one of her SATS with 100% and not once been in trouble didn’t receive one. Anyway it seems there was no rhyme nor reason to how the recipients were chosen but I do think all of them should have got an award or just a handful.

5000KallaxHoles · 30/07/2018 10:32

I only know that mine is as well liked as she is because there are staff who've told me off the record that they do have a massive soft spot for her and keep giving her quick hugs when they see her out and about around school. I am in awe of how hard she tries though and how she'll trip over her own feet, get up, dust herself off and comment "oh look another ouchie" and just pootle off on her way again wish she'd manage to not walk along like Bambi on ice at times but at least she bounces back

My other one is a very very able but very very abrasive at times personality - her outgoing teacher is very fond of her, but it took a while for that to happen (her outgoing teacher is bloody amazing at reading her and figuring out how her personality ticks to be honest). She is a lot harder to like until you really get to know her - there's a lot of quite confrontational and challenging behaviour goes on with her to mask anxiety.

I do very little bragging on FB incidentally. There was one parent who racked up 35 FB posts about her child getting star of the week recently (I started counting as it was obviously beginning to appear to be an amusingly large number) - I don't DO harvesting for social media likes - it's mainly sharing cute photos with far flung relatives and the local "roadworks on the A666 again" groups to know what's going on.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 30/07/2018 10:40

Still sounding weird, Kallax. The staff take you aside to tell you they keep giving her quick hugs when they see her about the school...

5000KallaxHoles · 30/07/2018 10:45

Nope - you've misread (and I suspect intentionally since that's the style usually).

Ultimately though you're some random spoiling for a fight and the fact people aren't reacting in the anticipated way to "that parent" comments is disappointing isn't it?

I'm around school a lot, I'm friendly with a lot of the staff on slightly less formal terms than they are with a lot of the parents since I'm from a teaching background myself - they tend to be somewhat more honest about my kids since they know I'm fairly laid back about everything.