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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Naked MIL

386 replies

Wrongintherightway · 29/07/2018 23:51

MIL had ds1 & ds2 for a few hours recently to help out with childcare in school holidays (not a regular arrangement). Ds1 came home and said gran was walking round naked! It turns out she had gone for a mid morning shower and was walking about naked (indoors obvs)

AIBU to think this is not acceptable, ds1 is 12 and ds2 is 7?

OP posts:
Jessiejuju · 31/07/2018 03:16

I really don't understand why human beings are so weird with nudity after all were are nothing more than highly intelligent apes and pretty sure last time I went to the zoo they weren't all wearing clothes.

SpareASquare · 31/07/2018 03:23

So the 12 yr old was uncomfortable. Big fucking deal. Next time, he'll know that if Granny goes to shower, steer clear. Watch tv. Read a book. Do anything but look because he may be scarred apparently.

If Granny was running around starkers it would be a different issue but the fact that the kids got a glimpse of nude granny between shower and dressing wouldn't even ping my give-a-fuck radar. Then again, I doubt my 12 yr old would care enough to mention and I certainly wouldn't care enough to 'grill' them hoping to find something to beat MIL with.

Such a non issue in the scheme of things.

pallisers · 31/07/2018 03:32

I'm blown away by the number of people who shower without a towel handy so have to dash here and there and into the kitchen to put on the coffee and back again naked. Do they never think it might be handy to have a towel nearby when washing? I thought that was as normal as having soap and shampoo in the bathroom.

If you do have towels handy, does it not occur to you to drape one around you when going from one place to the other if other people are in the house?

So the 12 yr old was uncomfortable. Big fucking deal.

kind of an interesting take on the whole issue that. I'm trying to imagine saying to a 12 year old who confides he/she felt uncomfortable at seeing a naked adult - "Oh Big fucking deal". No, really not feeling it as a great parenting approach.

Jessiejuju · 31/07/2018 04:00

I don't understand why the 12 year old felt the need to be embarrassed. Are we now teaching children that nudity is wrong and to be ashamed/embarrassed of the human body. If that's the case no wonder there are so many people with self-esteem problems. Nudity is natural you don't see lions running around in the wild with clothes on do you.

SpareASquare · 31/07/2018 05:11

kind of an interesting take on the whole issue that. I'm trying to imagine saying to a 12 year old who confides he/she felt uncomfortable at seeing a naked adult - "Oh Big fucking deal". No, really not feeling it as a great parenting approach

Meh. Works for me. Why would I make a big deal about a glimpse of naked granny as she went from bathroom to bedroom? Any issue a 12 yr old has over such an insignificant event is way more worrying than granny herself.
Did he 'confide' or was he grilled on what granny did or didn't do during the course of her very rare minding session? Was the embarrassment due to having to recall something to someone to whom it WAS a big deal rather than the act itself? Now it really is a big fucking deal because it was made into one. Confused

niketrainersarecomfy · 31/07/2018 07:50

Ffs blaming a 12 yo boy for being awkward around a naked body. Of course thats ok-just going into puberty, everything to do with nakedness is embarrassing.
Exposing a child to naked body knowing he or she is uncomfortable is sexual abuse.
4 is not 12.
He was uncomfortable enough to tell his mum. That shows its wrong.
Not a chance i would wear evrn just underwear in the house with my son who is that age. Shes out of order. Its weird and creepy.

Lethaldrizzle · 31/07/2018 08:03

No child needs to see granny's fanny

Bluelady · 31/07/2018 08:05

Sexual abuse? Oh ffs, of course it's not. All the poor bloody woman did was move naked between the bathroom and he bedroom. Entirely normal behaviour. Were people always such prudes or is this another new 21st century thing?

HoppingPavlova · 31/07/2018 08:06

I'm blown away by the number of people who shower without a towel handy so have to dash here and there and into the kitchen to put on the coffee and back again naked. Do they never think it might be handy to have a towel nearby when washing? I thought that was as normal as having soap and shampoo in the bathroom.

You are confused. Let's sort this out for you.

Of course people have towels in the bathroom at the shower. They get out of the shower and dry themselves with it. Then they hang the towel back up to dry and do the nudie run. If you take the towel with you to the bedroom then you have to sit the wet towel somewhere in the bedroom while you get dressed. Then you have to make a special trip back to the bathroom to hang it up after you have dressed. People are busy, no-one wants extra steps in their lives Grin. Seriously.

HoppingPavlova · 31/07/2018 08:08

Should say my main bathroom is at the opposite end of the house to my bedroom. We do have an ensuite but we never use the shower as even though there is an extraction fan you still get considerable condensation which we don't like. So ensuite is strictly for night time toilet visits only.

ScrubTheDecks · 31/07/2018 08:13

Wouldn’t bother me in the least.

Bodies are just bodies, it’s what people do with them that is good or bad.

I think it would be healthier if more people just got in with being unclothed in a completely normal way. I feel very depressed that nakedness is instantly seen as sexual or perverted in some way.

BertrandRussell · 31/07/2018 08:19

Intergenerational nudity has always been a social taboo, though. I quite agree that grandparents should not wander round naked making cups of tea and doing the hoovering in front of their grandchildren.

ResurrectedGoldfish · 31/07/2018 08:19

Oh for goodness sake. He’ll come across a lot worse in life than a naked granny. It’s not like she was dancing round the house whistling The Stripper in Perspex heels and a boa. Jeez. Surely it’s a good thing for a kid to see that a body is a functional thing and is nothing to be ashamed of? Sometimes people are naked. It’s hardly category 1 child abuse.

ResurrectedGoldfish · 31/07/2018 08:25

And it’s not hippyish or holier than thou, I just don’t want my kids to grow up with the same neurosis and hang ups about sex and body image that I had. Being ashamed of my own body and sexuality has brought me no joy, and has cost a fortune in therapy.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 31/07/2018 08:46

I think we all now have an image of naked granny burned on our retinas. So thanks for that, OP Grin

BertrandRussell · 31/07/2018 08:55

There’s a nasty whiff of ageism on this thread too. But that’s Mumsnet for you.

Bluelady · 31/07/2018 09:00

Good point, I wonder if there'd be so much shock and horror if it was a 20 something niece.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 31/07/2018 09:03

So much dramatics on this thread. It's embarrassing. Sexual abuse now. Fucking hell get a grip.

Seasawride · 31/07/2018 09:08

I think most 12 year old boys would pray to catch a glimpse a naked 20 something!

no one needs to see grannies fanny

That made me hoot. Mind you as a gran myself I have to say my figure is pretty darn good and a hell of a lot better than some huge 20 something’s I see at the gym. Grin

But personally I don’t want to see anyone naked. Naked bodies generally arnt beautiful and everyone is better with a towel wrapped round them.

BertrandRussell · 31/07/2018 09:11

“I think most 12 year old boys would pray to catch a glimpse a naked 20 something! “

Now that is a much more unpleasant thought than the idea of catching a glimpse of his grandma en route to the bathroom..........

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 31/07/2018 09:13

Did we find out what the actual scenario was here? Was gran dusting her fireplace in the buff? Bending over to polish her special ornaments? Hanging her washing out? Or nipping from the bathroom to her bedroom with possibly a towel or t shirt covering herself?

Because context is everything.

Seasawride · 31/07/2018 09:21

Oh get s bloody grip Bertrand

niketrainersarecomfy · 31/07/2018 09:22

Its not normal at all. Its deliberate. And how can you teach children about the inappropriatness of naked bodies when such is flaunted in front of them?
It isnt category one but it is abuse. If it were a grandad and 12 yo girl people wouldnt be harping on about bodies and normality. It would be praising the girl for disclosing and 'trust your gut'.
Theres no need to flashing your stuff at home when theres kids around (who arent even yours). When the kids are little its different. But to carry on knowing it makes a child uncomfortable means you are an exhibitionist or a pervert.

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2018 09:23

The thing is, she didn't just drop her towel or accidentally open the door. I don't know why people keep trying to downplay it whenthe op has been very clear, she was going back and forward between the rooms and she knew she could be seen by the boys.

It's not about being sexual, ageism, or ashamed of the naked body. Most 12 year old lads do not wish to see their female relatives walking about naked. Their mothers, their grandmothers, or their sisters. It's an awkward age and I don't believe the folks posting it was accidental and no big deal don't know that.

And whether anyone likes the term "flashing her minge" or not is irrelevant, because that's what she did. And yes, she should respect the child's boundaries in this, it's not hard to cover up. She's not taking some feminist stance, or doing rhe boys a biological favour by being naked in front of them, it's not about her, it's about the kids. She embarrassed rhe kids and made them feel awkward. Nearly all children in this age range would have been the same.

niketrainersarecomfy · 31/07/2018 09:24

And why do society assume for boys getting a glimpse of naked 20 yo women is a privilege? A 12 yo girl seeing a 20 yo bloke could be the same but no, she would be vulnerable and him creepy. Boys are as vulnerable as girls at that age.

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