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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think, 'who the fuck leaves a three month old alone in a car'?

107 replies

Stellenbosch · 29/07/2018 21:57

What the ACTUAL fuck is wrong with people?

Shopper 'saves life of baby who was left in Asda carpark in heatwave'
dailym.ai/2OmfD3j

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 30/07/2018 08:00

Why all these excuses for the mother
Because 3 months in would be prime time for PND.
She might just be reckless and stupid but until we know that for sure she deserves the benefit of the doubt.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 30/07/2018 08:32

Yes your right she does I take that back

But I do find that far too often people diagnose mh issues (which can be part of the problems and would rather ignore that mothers can and often do neglect their children. Neglect, selfish, idiotic parenting isn’t always a sign of mh issues or isn’t why a mother may act the way she does some women just don’t have the same feeling towards their children

Laiste · 30/07/2018 08:32

But in the early 1990s, car-safety experts declared that passenger-side front airbags could kill children, and they recommended that child seats be moved to the back of the car; then, for even more safety for the very young, that the baby seats be pivoted to face the rear. If few foresaw the tragic consequence of the lessened visibility of the child . . . well, who can blame them? What kind of person forgets a baby?

This is an interesting point. I wonder what the figure are on how many lives have been saved by putting the baby in the back seat compared to babies dying because they are forgotten because they're out of sight?

lulu12345 · 30/07/2018 08:33

Can't believe so many people here are worrying about and excusing the mother or security guard.. sometimes it's ok to judge! In this case they were definitely both wrong.

IMissGin · 30/07/2018 08:37

My exDP did. To go to the bookies, he’s an addict (recovering now). That was the trigger for me leaving him. It wasn’t hot but it besides the point.

LunaTrap · 30/07/2018 08:58

Were you there Lulu? To be able to claim with confidence that the security guard was 'definitely wrong' despite witnesses claiming otherwise?

LanguidLobster · 30/07/2018 09:01

Most important thing is that baby's ok and family are being assessed.

lulu12345 · 30/07/2018 09:06

I don't need to have been there to know that anyone standing around watching and doing nothing while a 3 month old baby baked in a hot car, was in the wrong. Sorry but I don't care whether the police told the security guard not to break the window, sometimes you have to do what's obviously right, irrespective of what the rules say. What if the baby had died - very possible - would everyone standing around have felt ok with themselves because they had "done what they'd been told". No.

PaulRuddislush · 30/07/2018 09:07

What gets me is people wouldn't leave their handbag or a laptop in the car but they'd leave their child, it makes no sense.

LunaTrap · 30/07/2018 09:12

Nobody was standing around. They checked the doors, called the police who said they were round the corner, shopper saw boot was unlocked and emergency services arrived within 2 minutes. Was she supposed to break the windows with her bare hands?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 30/07/2018 09:12

Horrible as it is to think about; children are subjected to unbelievable abuse and neglect by their own parents every day.
There’s always a rush to suggest they must be depressed / not coping / suffering from PND, but the distasteful truth is that not everyone values their children in the way that normal people take for granted.
She may be ill. Or she may be someone who shouldn’t be in charge of a child full stop.
At least she’s on ss’s radar now.

peachgreen · 30/07/2018 09:12

@PaulRuddislush Read the article - it explains how it can happen. It's heartbreaking.

BertieBotts · 30/07/2018 09:13

Probably because they do it by accident? I've left my handbag in the car loads of times.

LunaTrap · 30/07/2018 09:15

And yes either the mother completely forgot, is in the grips of PND or just plain neglectful. Whatever the reason I'm glad she is now on someone's radar and hopefully the baby will be safe.

PaulRuddislush · 30/07/2018 09:18

Sorry I didn't make myself clear I have actually read that article and I remember an Oprah show all about it. I'm talking about people who knowingly "nip to the bank" with dc in car because it's "just for a minute" I bet they wouldn't leave their wallet or iPhone in the same circumstances.

lulu12345 · 30/07/2018 09:18

Fair enough, I got the impression that everyone inc security guard was just standing and watching but if they really were trying everything, then brilliant. Well done to the woman who worked out how to open the boot. From description of how wet and hot the baby was they might only have been minutes away from serious harm.

Soubriquet · 30/07/2018 09:25

I read an article the other day of a grandfather had left their grandchild in the car. Grandchild was 8 weeks old I think. Poor thing died.

The mother must be distraught

mydogisthebest · 30/07/2018 09:36

It seems strange that it happens so much in America. I am pretty sure it doesn't happen very often in the UK.

I wouldn't even leave my dog in the car so really don't get how people live a baby.

mydogisthebest · 30/07/2018 09:37

leave a baby not live.

I really wish mn had an edit facility as other forums do

Soubriquet · 30/07/2018 09:41

I've just read that fatal distraction article

How heartbreaking

I've always thought "how can you forget a baby?!" But that article has made me think again

Poor babies. Poor parents.

Slartybartfast · 30/07/2018 09:56

america is very much the land of drive through which might explain things

thecatsthecats · 30/07/2018 10:02

Just read Fatal Distraction.

The author absolutely derserved that Pulitzer. And Lyn Balfour is truly a wonderful woman for her offer to help the other parents. Does anyone know if she ever did carry a child for them?

BertieBotts · 30/07/2018 10:19

America has a huge amount of factors which are different to the UK.

Typically higher summer temperatures and colder winter temperatures in most places than the UK. We have a very mild climate, which means that in the event a child is forgotten/left in a car, even for hours, most of the time they will be fine if a bit bored/hungry.

Very poor provision for parental leave meaning parents often have to return to work when their babies are very little meaning they are dealing with newborn stuff plus work stress on very little sleep.

Poor employee rights in general meaning many parents work long hours (over 40 per week) and only two weeks' holiday a year total, very little sick leave and expectation that you'll work even if not your best. Total expectation that your focus should be on the job, not other things.

Different infrastructure around workplaces and car parking meaning it is quite unlikely for somebody to walk past an unattended car, and cars may well be far enough from windows/walkways for anybody to hear a baby crying, yet still in open car parks, rather than underground or multi-storey which would afford some protection from sun. Work districts are usually fairly far from homes meaning that parents may have a long (compared with UK) commute which adds to the tiredness.

For some reason - I don't know why, as this is not law in the UK - UK childcare settings tend to have a policy of calling if a child is not dropped off according to their usual schedule, whereas this policy is not common in the US.

Possibly a difference in car seat practices. In the UK most parents use a portable baby seat which they only have in the car when a baby is in it until this seat is outgrown at which point they change to a forward facing seat. So there is always a visual reminder that the child is in the car. In the US, the portable baby seats are typically smaller, but there is an official recommendation to rear face until 2 years old which means that it's common to switch to a "convertible" seat at about 6-9 months, or sometimes to use one of these from birth - where the seat is always present in the car but it is not immediately obvious whether there is a child in it. Of course there are ERF seats in the UK too and some people use a permanently fixed car seat from birth but it's much more common in the US.

Plus there is a higher population, of course, so they will have higher numbers of anything. 37 children in a year is 37 too many, but it's also a miniscule number in relation to all population of the US.

crispysausagerolls · 30/07/2018 10:51

The truth is that some people should not be parents. I am not referring to people in the Fatal Distraction article (heartbreaking read), but of women like this one. I also saw, a few weeks ago, a woman in a busy supermarket car park on the phone whilst her 1 year old son toddled along very far behind her. In a fucking car park. At no time did she stop and check on him for about 2 minutes. Anyone could’ve snatched him, but more likely he could’ve easily been run over. It really frightening me and stuck with me that someone could have such little care for their baby’s life. Terrifying.

ThePrioryGhost · 30/07/2018 11:00

Yes i think psychologists in America have called it “forgotten baby syndrome” - it’s an actual thing where auto pilot takes over and the parent thinks they have dropped the child off elsewhere. The thoughts and images that they must have to live with are just unimaginable. And as for the poor babies - it’s heartbreaking.

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