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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Smelly people

90 replies

Maisymoo22 · 29/07/2018 16:06

We have new people in our church and they absolutely stink to high heavens. Excuse the pun.
While I really wouldn’t want to discourage them from coming, AIBU to think that the Pastor’s wife should take them aside for a quiet word? 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Maisymoo22 · 29/07/2018 17:00

...and who said I’m a Christian anyway, I could be going to a humanist church!
So quick to bad mouth Christians and religious people. Now whose judging.

OP posts:
TornFromTheInside · 29/07/2018 17:01

There's a reason for the smell. The church needs to understand that reason. You are part of that church and it's your responsibility as much as others.
The chances are, they simply don't live the same type of life you do, despite being neighbours. Poverty, lack of education, substance abuse and a whole host of other factors can lead to hygiene issues.

Has anybody visited their home? spent much time at length with them to try and understand possible reasons for it?

The current heatwave won't be helping, but I am sure there is a tactful and lasting solution just waiting to be found. You can be part of that solution if you want to be.

juneau · 29/07/2018 17:02

I would have a word with the pastor and his wife OP. It is disrespectful, IMO, to go to a gathering of a large number of people while stinking like an old goat. If you wish to pong while sitting at home, that's not so bad, but if you are inflicting your company on others it's only good manners to have a wash and put on some clean clothes.

80sMum · 29/07/2018 17:03

They must surely be aware that they smell bad?? You would think another family member would have mentioned it. Maybe everyone is too polite!

Do they look dirty or scruffy, as if they haven't washed for a while? Sometimes depression can mean that people let themselves go a bit.

HoleyCoMoley · 29/07/2018 17:03

Are you sure you want to pass the buck to the pastors wife because you don't them knowing it is you who has a problem with them , has anyone else mentioned it.

Sparklesocks · 29/07/2018 17:04

I thought churches were open to all, and were abou acceptance and love and taking people in despite their flaws.
Have I misunderstood?

Wifeandstepmum · 29/07/2018 17:04

Ha we joined a new church recently and the pastors wife has just asked to drop round for a chat. Is it me that smells? If so it’s just due to heat... promise
Now off you pop and read up on Jesus teaching on judgements and throwing of stones:

headinhands · 29/07/2018 17:05

Gosh I think the only way forward is a kindly anonymous note through their door. Maybe it's indicative of bigger issues that they need help with? What's the family set up?

Original poster
Maisymoo22 · 29/07/2018 17:05

Thank you rebecca it seems I’m not on my own in thinking this. Even if you can’t afford soap surely if you showered in just plain hot/warm water it would be better than not at all.

OP posts:
glintandglide · 29/07/2018 17:05

Some people (many people in fact) don’t grow up in households where they are taught to wash regularly. Some people stop washing and have no one to tell them that’s not ok. Sometimes these people find each other and form a smelly family. It’s not necessarily poverty or depression, it’s fairly common.

TornFromTheInside · 29/07/2018 17:09

Some people don't know they smell. They become immune to it, and some B.O. smells affect some more than others (as in the people smelling them).

Sweat doesn't usually smell on a clean person. It begins to smell when combined with bacteria over the course of a day, or longer. There might be medical reasons for it, but it's usually just down to lack of regular hygiene.

Whilst it's not going to be nice to tell anybody they smell, at some point, the issue needs to be addressed. Why don't a small group of you get together and figure out what the cause is, and resolve it.

You've been bothered enough to spend time on MN discussing it, surely discussing it in church would be more practical and productive?

Buster72 · 29/07/2018 17:11

Another smelly person post.....you don't work behind the till in a supermarket do you?

Original poster
Maisymoo22 · 29/07/2018 17:11

Headinhands, they live alone and don’t bother with other family members.

I suppose I’ll just have to put up with it for now and buy them some lovely bath products on their birthday

OP posts:
glintandglide · 29/07/2018 17:11

I don’t think it does need to be addressed. It’s up to them how they live their life.

charlestonchaplin · 29/07/2018 17:13

Some people still smell bad after a shower. Especially if they've been walking around a bit.

Original poster
Maisymoo22 · 29/07/2018 17:14

The girl comes from a family who are themselves very clean.
I don’t like to raise it in church hence coming on here for advice

OP posts:
lanbro · 29/07/2018 17:15

I have an extremely smelly couple come into my shop, they absolutely stink the place out. I wouldn't dream of saying anything but I do light a scented candle surreptitiously...

TornFromTheInside · 29/07/2018 17:16

I don’t think it does need to be addressed. It’s up to them how they live their life.

Yes, it is up to them, but it's often an indication of issues. Maybe they do have hot and cold running water, and just choose not to be clean. Then fine. That situation is quite rare though.

HoleyCoMoley · 29/07/2018 17:21

I think it would be extremely unkind if a small group of you got together to discuss the possible cause and solution, that is very cruel gossip, imagine how you would feel if people were doing that to you behind your back.Confused

Original poster
Maisymoo22 · 29/07/2018 17:23

Ok thanks for all your advice. So most people say it’s up to them then and I should just suck it up. Or, the next time she comes to borrow £10 from me (which she does every week without fail) I should say I can’t afford to lend you any money this week but here’s a lovely basket of toiletries which I have bought you instead!!!

OP posts:
glintandglide · 29/07/2018 17:24

Drip drip

Original poster
Maisymoo22 · 29/07/2018 17:25

Holeycomoley I have discussed it with nobody!!!

OP posts:
HoleyCoMoley · 29/07/2018 17:26

Do what you feel is right.

picklemepopcorn · 29/07/2018 17:31

Please don't attempt to be subtle. I don't think it is your strong suit. Get to know them better. Clearly they are hard up as they borrow money from you.
Find out if they need a washing machine, or are struggling to pay utilities bills. Maybe they are using environmentally sound stuff, but it isn't doing a good job.

Until you get to know them, you'll never know. In the meantime, a dab of menthol under your nose will help.

Nikephorus · 29/07/2018 17:34

If you have the sort of relationship where they want to borrow money off you regularly then surely you could be the one to raise it instead with them?

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