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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask which is the most neutral term dinner, supper or tea?

465 replies

ConfusedWife1234 · 29/07/2018 15:19

AIBU to ask which the most neutral term for dinner/supper/tea is? I am not a native speaker and I have been told that your usage of the word says a lot about ethnic ancestry, social class, if your are from the UK, US or another English speaking country, part of the country and so on. Which is the most neutral term and when do I use which one?

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 30/07/2018 21:06

Dinner is the evening meal. It does not (for the vast majority of people) move around the day. You used to call your lunch dinner, now you call your dinner dinner. No, I used to have the main meal, ie dinner, in the middle of the day, and a light snack, tea, in the early evening. Now I have my main meal, dinner, in the evening, and a slightly healthier light snack, lunch, in the middle of the day.

Lunch can happen only in the middle of the day, tea can happen only between mid afternoon and early evening, but dinner is the main meal and happens whenever you have it.

Everyoneiswingingit · 30/07/2018 21:06

Pudding/dessert/sweet/afters is the same thing. Usually served after dinner(evening meal) but not a daily thing, maybe after a Sunday roast or in a restaurant.

Wallywobbles · 30/07/2018 21:08

Lunch at 1.30, tea at around 5 and supper at 8.30. Posh midlands upbringing.

MereDintofPandiculation · 30/07/2018 21:10

Used always to have pudding after midday dinner. In the 50s it used to be tinned fruit and custard, or a pie or crumble if you were lucky. Or weird and wonderful things like semolina, tapioca, ground rice with a tablespoon of chocolate powder in the middle if it was a school dinner.

manaftermidnight · 30/07/2018 21:11

ut dinner is the main meal and happens whenever you have it

To you, perhaps. But you do understand that to the vast majority of people, it does not work like that? To most people the name of meals denote the time of the meal, not the content. Dinner is at dinner time, whether they use it for midday or evening meal, it doesn't change.

Your notion of it is not widespread.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/07/2018 21:18

Uh, oh - adding nougat into the mix has now opened another can of linguistic worms.

Which of the two pronunciations of the word that you commonly hear is the more neutral - NOO-GAR or NUGGITT ?!?!

Rumboogie · 30/07/2018 21:35

Lunch and 'evening meal' are the most unambiguous.

Being a Southerner living in the North I once asked friends over for 'Tea' (ie cup of tea/slice of cake). After an age, (and wondering when they were going to go!) it began to dawn that they were expecting an evening meal - embarrassment all round!

I tend to use breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper (ie very small late evening snack), but be aware of the ambiguities.

Bramble71 · 30/07/2018 21:38

I'm from the North-East and would use the word tea. I think posh people would look down on that but who the heck cares.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 30/07/2018 21:48

I'm late to this thread, but for me:

Breakfast
Lunch
Dinner
Supper is the small plate of bread and cheese with some fruit or dates on the side or something similar that somehow brings the evening to a pleasant close Grin

We do have a 'toasty supper' at the weekend, and I have found myself referring to 'children's tea,' but otherwise I never refer to a meal as 'tea.' It's a drink.

I don't expect anyone to approve or disapprove of the words that I've used all my life Grin and likewise I really don't give two hoots what other people say! It varies up and down the country, and life is all the richer for it.

I have found the odd moment of confusion in the north of England, when being asked out for dinner Grin but it's easily sorted!

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 30/07/2018 21:51

Actually, just reading the last few posts on this thread, I never say dessert - always pudding.

And I think nougat is noo-gar, and the Italian sort is wonderful!

MereDintofPandiculation · 30/07/2018 21:55

But you do understand that to the vast majority of people, it does not work like that? No, I don't understand that. I understand it does not work like that to you. I understand that it doesn't work like that to a lot of people. But "the vast majority"? No.

Stinkbomb · 30/07/2018 22:20

Breakfast is breakfast.
Brunch is between breakfast & lunch, but cooked.
11's-s is at around 11(!) but generally a lighter snack.
Lunch is in the middle of the day but cold.
It's dinner if it's the middle of the day but a cooked meal.
Tea is late afternoon, 5-6ish.
Supper is a light meal (toast, cereal or similar) before bed.

CitrusFruit9 · 30/07/2018 22:21

Fanning the flames here : Pudding vs dessert is a bit of a minefield as it has class links in the UK. The working class and upper class use pudding, the middle class use dessert. Therefore dessert used by anyone except a restaurant is non U and on a par with referring to serviettes instead of napkins...

PuntCuffin · 30/07/2018 22:21

I think posh people would look down on that but who the heck cares.

As a 'posh' person, I don't look down on it at all, Mr do I care what you (or anyone else) calls their meals. I have seen far more sneering towards my socioeconomic class on every single one of these threads every time they come up, than you will ever hear from me. Most 'posh' people are comfortable in their skin and do not give a stuff about what other people call their meals. Whereas, several times on this thread, supper as an evening meal has been called wanky or pretentious.

For nougat, it is most definitely noogar though. Otherwise, it would be spelled nugget.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 30/07/2018 22:22

Dinner ladies is rather last century* yes glad we agree
Dinner ladies at my kids school are positively Jurassic
And yes they are dinner ladies,call themselves dinner ladies
Unless we get all yo! And update it call them dinner bitches

manaftermidnight · 30/07/2018 22:28

lunch supervisors works well for most. Gender neutral as well

manaftermidnight · 30/07/2018 22:29

But "the vast majority"? No
Well you're wrong. There are a lot of English speakers outside of England.....

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 30/07/2018 22:31

The Jurassic women,are dinner ladies.they'd no go with gender neutral

Stupomax · 30/07/2018 22:45

I read the whole thread and have no idea what class I am.

I use lunch and dinner interchangeably.
Dessert and pudding interchangeably.
Serviettes and napkins interchangeably.
Tea/dinner/supper interchangeably.

I've lived all over the UK and also in the US and a couple of other European countries, and I've got used to just trying to find the word that people will understand.

spottybetty · 31/07/2018 00:02

I say we’re going out for dinner if we go out for an evening meal. But I call our evening meal tea at home!
Supper is a light snack before bed.

Snog · 31/07/2018 00:13

I go with the definitions used by hotels and restaurants, so lunch at midday
Dinner in the evening
Tea = afternoon tea ie sandwiches and scones with a cup of tea at around 4pm

In my view this is the most neutral way to use the terms but I agree it is region specific and to some degree also class specific.

My dh would call an evening meal at home "supper" but if eating out "dinner".

I'm a southerner and I find it confusing when people call an evening meal "tea".

Stillwishihadabs · 31/07/2018 07:11

Southern softie here ; it's breakfast, lunch ( never dinner) and dinner or supper (never tea) . Tea is the drink or cakes and scones at between 3 and 5. This nomenclature is middle class/ upper middle. But I am baffled when people at work start talking about "dinner " in the middle of the day

fantasia243 · 31/07/2018 07:34

Serious question to all those who say Tea is the most neutral term for an evening meal in the north of England: If I book a 7pm table for a meal in a pub or restaurant anywhere In the north of England, I would be booking for "Tea" and I would tell my friends that DH and I were going out for tea?
I am incredulous that this could be the case, but have never been north of Manchester so have no idea!

ProfessorMoody · 31/07/2018 07:57

Welsh, but if we book a meal for the evening we say we're going "out for food". We eat tea as our evening meal at home and dinner at lunch/dinner time. We don't say lunch unless it's referring to a lunch box or packed lunch. Also, dinner ladies not lunch ladies Smile

caoraich · 31/07/2018 08:09

fantasia
Scottish, but yes we would say we are "going out for tea". DH is Irish and would say the same thing. Similarly "what shall we do for tea?"
I can't recall ever having phoned to book a table as I just do it online, I would probably just ask for "a table for 2 at 7pm" if I did have to phone.
Most places we eat seem to have just a menu (casual) or an early-evening/pre-theatre menu and an a la carte menu (fancier) - neither tea nor dinner is used.