AIBU to ask which is the most neutral term dinner, supper or tea?

[ConfusedWife1234]

AIBU to ask which the most neutral term for dinner/supper/tea is? I am not a native speaker and I have been told that your usage of the word says a lot about ethnic ancestry, social class, if your are from the UK, US or another English speaking country, part of the country and so on. Which is the most neutral term and when do I use which one?

Okay... to be honest. I do not live in the UK. I live in Germany, but my father had a job that required traveling and I have been learning different languages from an early age on. The job I used to hold before I became a mother required talking different languages and knowing stuff about their cultures. I cannot say If was perfect, but always trying.
I came here to discuss some things (such as stuff from my marriage) because I thought it would be more anonymous... feels more anonymous... and we have no good relationship boards in our language.
I have never been to an English home though I have talked to a lot of English but never about the presence of smoking rooms in their homes. That just felt to personal.
Our house has a smoking room... but not every house in Germany has, only the big ones when there is a spare room. It has a bit of an oldfashioned touch. In our house the smoking room has been existent for maybe 70 years and we just kept it like it was. I think there is a number of people who do.
In our house there people however consider it impolite to smoke where you eat and people often smoke on the balcony.
When somebody on this thread talked about going to another room after having eaten, I just thought that it might be like this in the UK too. So this seems not to be the case... but you have a word for that, smoking room. Okay.

Sorry, I wanted to say that in our country many people consider it I impolite to smoke where they eat... not in our house.

OP, you may not speak English as a first language but you clearly speak it extremely well. I’m confused by your ‘confusion’. It seems a bit strange that you write so well but claim to be so baffled by things like smoking rooms etc

Unsurprising that British people are so shocked at a forriner having excellent english to the point they think they must be lying!

OP, don't mind them, very few British people speak even one other language, let alone multiples the way most of us do in Europe.

I looked melon with Parma ham up and learned that indeed most people consider it a starter, my mother used to serve that for pudding. However in Germany and the rest of Europe there are many savory puddings such as cheese with figs, mustards and vinegar or baked goat cheese with grapes.

manaafter
Unsurprising that British people are so shocked at a forriner having excellent english to the point they think they must be lying!

You are making ridiculous assumptions. Of course I’m not shocked that someone can speak excellent English as a second language. What I was shocked at was that the OP is so wildly confused when her English is so natural.

Germans have to be pretty fluent in English in order to be allowed to graduate from grammar schools, we have a lot of English people coming here... but I think they have adapted quite a bit to our way of life... they all eat savory puddings for example... and never mention that it is not done in their home country... so this is really new to me that they do not eat savory puddings at home.

Midlander here. For me "dinner" is the main meal, whenever I have it. "Lunch" and "tea" are the lighter meal that's not dinner, and "supper" is eaten late at night shortly before going to bed.

What I was shocked at was that the OP is so wildly confused when her English is so natural.

If you haven't had the chance to spend a lot of time in a country, you will have impressions of it based on media. OP may have read quite a lot of older British books, and recent UK films don't exactly go out of their way to show how modern the place is - they trade on a lot of older stereotypes, which could give the sense that some things are more current than they really are.

The idea that nearly all French people are stylish is a similar one held here about another country.

And this thread itself wouldn't exactly dispel the idea that the British have arcane customs around meals, if that was the idea someone held at the beginning of reading it.

If you haven't had the chance to spend a lot of time in a country, you will have impressions of it based on media

Ok, fair enough. I’ve lived long term in a number of countries and it’s true there are some people with funny stereotypes about what goes on in other countries. 🤔

OP we often have a cheese-board (sometimes with figs, grapes etc) as a final course either with or without a sweet course too. However not really at home normally. We would offer a cheese board when friends are over but never when it's just us at home. In a restaurant, you will usually find a cheese board offered as a choice alongside the desserts. Generally the French eat the cheese course first then their sweet, in the UK we usually eat the sweet first then cheese but in very high-end French-influenced restaurants they'll ask which you prefer.

There is no universal answer, there are regional differences. I’d say
Breakfast - morning
Dinner - early afternoon
Tea - early evening
Supper a wee snack after tea

AIBU to ask if a cheese board can be called dessert/pudding?

AIBU to ask if the English do eat cheese after lunch, that is not part of a cheese plate? For example cheese with figs or cheese rolled in sesame or something like this.

In my culture we typically do a cheese board (with typically at least five kinds of cheese and different types of fruit) only when we have guests,, but we sometimes do serve cheese as dessert just for the family... and that is just one kind of cheese, typically combined with one kind of fruit.

I think that grub or nosh would be a useful substitute if you are worried about what to call things. Eg. “Come over at (time) for some grub/nosh” would be totally fine and rather relaxed and fun.

For me, it is breakfast in the morning, lunch in the middle of the day (I am southern so never dinner for that meal) then in the evening, it becomes tricky. I will use dinner if I am having a dinner party which involves more effort than usual ie starter, main, pudding (never ‘desert’) & cheese. However if it is more casual (eg lasagne, fish pie, children dropping in and out etc) then I will use supper as, to me, it signifies something more casual.

HTH.

These words mean different things to different people and I find it's best to ask if you're invited anywhere, "When you say tea, do you mean a pot of tea with sandwiches, cake ... or?"

If you invite a friend to dinner say, "When I say dinner I mean three courses, starter, main course and pudding" which makes it clear and they know what to expect.

In the Midlands I was invited to tea (by a Southerner) and she meant cup of tea, cakes, biscuits BUT when a Northerner asked me round for tea she meant what I'd call dinner. Even we 'natives' find it confusing so never be afraid to ask each time.

Lol,if you’re invited to mines fir tea, I’m feeding you, and you’ll get a hot or cold drink too

I would normally provide a cheese board after a fancy dinner for friends if were trying to show hospitality (as opposed to 'come round for dinner, I've found some posh lentils in the cupboard' casual eating). I would either go for four cheeses (a cheddar, a blue, a soft and a goat/sheep) with grapes or chutneys/quince cheese, or for a big block of one cheese eg if I had been to a farmers' market and bought something nice (this very rarely happens). I'd serve cheese after pudding. I find that most people I go to dinner with do similar, but I wouldn't expect a cheese board every time and I'd be surprised if a cheese board appeared midweek.

I quite often have a cheese board if I am doing a roast for lunch and expect people to stay on for snacky high tea afterwards - add to nice bread and it becomes the next meal.

Don't call a cheese board dessert/pudding. People will feel cheated of the actual dessert/pudding. However, if you just say 'look, I've got some lovely cheese instead of pudding' and serve any of the things you mentioned, people (I mean me, mostly) would fall on it like rabid dogs and love you forever.

I agree everyone has a different word they use. But if you were going out to eat in a restaurant in the evening would you not say “we are going out for dinner “?

Breakfast

Then

Lunch or dinner

Then

Tea/dinner/supper

Then if you have a snack before bed I'd call that supper.

Use whatever you want but lunch or dinner for mid day ish meal and tea/dinner for evening meal everyone will understand

My family has a cheese board for lunch, as lunch (except on Sundays) consists of bread and cheese, usually followed by fruit (sometimes the fruit arrives before the cheese is cleared away). It would be a bit strange to have cheese followed by cheese :)

Most of what you describe as a savory pudding would be considered as a starter, and only served at a fairly elaborate formal meal (most likely dinner - aka dinner party). Very few people serve meals with more than three courses now, usually a starter, the main dish and a pudding (aka desert or sweet). If really pushing out the boat then a plate with assorted cheeses might be brought out at the end of the meal. Meals with multiple courses are generally reserved for those with kitchen staff, and then are as long as the budget is large.

So,at school. They have dinner ladies who serve up.Not lunch ladies

Oh, I see. AIBU to ask which of thefollowing things could be dessert/pudding?

*Ice
*Fudge
*Vegetables
*Fruits
*Sweet Pastry
*Pastry with Cheese
*Cake
*Nougat
*Rice Pudding
*things involving marzipan

Ice isn't a food. Do you mean ice creams and sorbet type things?

Ice isn’t a pudding?its cools your drink.?