To be dreading going to USA?

[AllisonAndColeAreBoring]

Going on USA road trip in 4 weeks.

I'm dreading it for two reasons - 1. I'm mixed race and have found out a lot of the places we're stopping off at are racist. Arizona especially. DH has booked us into a saloon motel thing in Death Valley and a few of the reviews state that it's popular with bikers and truckers and don't even consider staying there if you're not white, heterosexual American as you will stand out like a sore thumb and will not be welcome! Another place is flagstaff where the reviews state its a trump supporters haven and people of colour will stand out.

1. The driving. I'm not a confident driver but will need to share the driving out there. DH has set me up on GTA5 to practice driving on the right side of road and junctions etc but a game cannot be compared to real life can it?!

He thinks I'm purposely trying to cause drama and moaning about the hotel's to get my way on expensive accommodation and moaning about the driving so I don't have to do any.

Are my fears founded or am I indeed being a princess like he's making out?

DH is black and the most racism hes ever encountered is in the states.
As soon as he speaks this racism seems to disappear though an English accent has its benefits.

You exemplified racism itself by stating that a white persons view would be seen as patronising

Only with regard to your comments. From a white person they would be patronising, from a non-white person they could be read as a slightly ham-fisted attempt at reassurance.

I pointed out to you that merely being black doesn't make someone more experienced in American racism.

It makes you more experienced in white on black racism which is the issue here.

I asked your racial background because I was trying to work out if you were non-white offering reassurance or white, ignorant and a bit thick. I strongly suspect the latter, but you are clearly not going to admit it.

People who have a good time don’t waste time writing reviews, they just enjoy it.

Not at all, we have holiday lets abroad, people write good reviews all the time.

I’ve written good reviews myself of variously - hotels, restaurants, eBay and Amazon sellers, dentists, acupuncture practice etc.

But equally if I’ve had a bad experience I want to alert people.

I asked your racial background because I was trying to work out if you were non-white offering reassurance or white, ignorant and a bit thick. I strongly suspect the latter, but you are clearly not going to admit it.

Insults to boot.
The last bastion of the floundering.

I drove round a few States in my 20’s, but really wouldn’t want to do it now!
It could be a real experience but if you’re a bit scared, not so much.
I think the real issue is that your DH is dismissing your anxiety

I thought I should post since I actually live in the US and I am black. I went to visit flagstaff a few years ago, hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and back up and spent several days in Santa Fe with my white ex husband. The people were absolutely lovely and the food was outstanding. Enjoy your trip!

You will have the time of your life! I would perhaps look to changing the accommodation that mentioned the racism but aside from that go and enjoy some of the most breathtaking sights in the world.

Driving in the USA is a doddle and much easier than in the UK. Get a good SatNav either in the car or on your phone.

Racism is always a valid concern in the US. From experiences of friends it’s quite pot luck. You’re totally entitled to avoid accomodation where reviews flag racism

^This.

Whilst I loved some holiday experiences, I hated many aspects of USA.

There are some people who refuse to see or accept that racism exists, as they don't and never will experience it. There's no point listening to them. Or the ones who say it's no more racist than somewhere else, completely unable to take into account yeah that may be so but when you're paying a load of money to go somewhere, you'd rather it not be somewhere youre bound to come across racism.

Your DH sounds insensitive. Coupled with the driving thing it's not about a relaxing holiday, is it? Why won't he take your feelings into account? Or has he too decided, in his wisdom about something he'll never experience, that he knows best about racism in all its facets...

I'd go to Canada if it were me

There are some people who refuse to see or accept that racism exists, as they don't and never will experience it. There's no point listening to them. Or the ones who say it's no more racist than somewhere else, completely unable to take into account yeah that may be so but when you're paying a load of money to go somewhere, you'd rather it not be somewhere youre bound to come across racism.

Quite.

The opening already has the holiday booked. We aren't talking about alternative places, we are talking about how to deal with the actual situation at hand,
We can terrify someone and claim the USA is an absolutely hotbed of racism and she should avoid it, or offer the far more accurate view that it suffers from racism like most countries do, but it needn't be any worse than the UK is especially for a tourist sticking to well worn trails.

To make the assumption that others have no experience of racism is crass.

I haven't read the full thread but wanted to try to reassure you. In the South as a tourist you'll be a guest, and people will be very keen for you to leave with a good impression of their town and their state. My guess is that the vast majority will be courteous, and will find your British accent charming.

I second the suggestion of going to Canada instead!

I've done route 66 and all anyone was interested in was 'yo cute little accent'! But although I'm white, I can understand your concerns. Little America can be pretty strange (and entertaining). We did see black people everywhere though and no-one seemed to be worried about being in danger. Just stay in the touristy places and don't venture into dodgy areas at night. You'll also be in a hire car, so everyone will know you're not from the US and treat you accordingly. They're mostly pretty friendly and helpful.

Driving on the right is easy, because the steering wheel is on the other side. It just seems to click into place somehow. American cars don't go very fast and usually have good brakes too.

Hope you have a lovely time.

PS. I stayed in the saloon place in Death Valley a few years ago, and think you'll be fine. It's mostly overseas tourists (who don't mind paying the wildly inflated prices) anyway. It isn't the friendliest place in the world for anyone, being that it's a tourist rip-off type of place! But it is worth it for the early morning drive through DV, which is seriously eerie. Take lots of water.

I’ve been to flagstaff before - am not white - it was actually fine, they get a lot of tourists there travelling through Death Vlley. Which is a beautiful place.

Driving outside of urban centres is also really easy since big straight roads little traffic and few turns.

Enjoy, it will be great.

*American cars don't go very fast."

This is my favourite inaccurate sweeping generalisation on the thread so far, I think, although there's some good competition.

I am sure there are people like this. I am black and quite aware of racism and know it exists in every country and every facet of life. I am taking a trip to the UK and Italy next year and am concerned about the reception my family and I will receive given the rise of brexti and right wing nationalism in both countries. Not to mention the racist abuse many football players suffer while playing in stadiums in Europe that would never be tolerated in the US.However the logical part of me realizes that while there may be racists abroad there will also be genuinely nice people and I should not let this stop me from considering visiting. It goes both ways

*American cars don't go very fast."
American hire cars don't!

American hire cars don't!

I do apologise - I didn't realise you'd driven them all

As a Brit living in the USA, driving is very easy. Not something that you should need to worry about.

You are visiting tourist areas so racist comments are likely to be minimal. Can’t really comment though as I am white in a 98.5% white state.

Also you are unlikely to see a firearm because most people (including DH and I) carry concealed.

Just remembering my satnav driving from LA to Las Vegas: in 274 miles turn right. Since there weren't any other turnings it was quite easy!

Yes - when I do one particular drive north from here Waze will say 'in 225 miles turn right' without once mentioning that you'll cross the Canadian border in 205 miles!

American cars don't go very fast

Don't think our Mustang got that memo.

I lived in Arizona for six years and it’s nothing like what you’re describing. You’ll be fine. Same with Death Valley. My brother is a Marine who was stationed there and I visited a dozen times, there’s occasional bikers who enjoy the scenery but they won’t bother you one bit. I think you’re making this out in your head more than it should be. I experienced far more racism and threats of assault living in Wales.

Driving:
Max highway speed is 70 mph on most highways though it depends on each state (not 55 - this might be the case for a highway running through a metro area or the max speed for trucks).

Driving on the right is something that should become second nature to you after a day or two on the road. Watch out for turning into traffic from a car park - don't do what I did when I first arrived in the US and make a left turn into the oncoming traffic lane (luckily no traffic). Go through a mental rehearsal or talk through it out loud as you exit the car park. Once on the road, it's a question of training your eye.

Top up at a gas station when your gauge shows half full or just under. Be aware of your gas level. Distances are vast. Sometimes you will see a billboard or road sign telling you how far to the next gas station - they are off the highway, so factor in a little drive after the exit, and remember to turn into the correct lane when returning to the highway.

American cars don't go very fast
LOL. I got a ticket once when I overtook an Iowa State trooper, doing 90 in a Dodge minivan.

I would take the reviews of the motel seriously.

There are plenty of other places you could stay - it's a touristy area. No point going out of your way looking for trouble. I am white and always look at reviews to see what sort of clientele motels welcome. Bikers would put me right off. So would truckers. You can get a good deal of prostitution where there are truckers. You and your DH do not want to get mixed up with a scene like that.

Go to some touristy motel instead. Motels are not all the same. You could find a nice one that is equally cheap but much more pleasant. Look for 'family friendly' in the blurb.

If you drive through Death Valley, bring lots of water, and make sure you bring your chargers and fully charged phones.

I can't comment on racism. I know it exists. There are families I know who worry about sending their children off to university on predominantly white campuses.

Driving on the highway in the States is generally very straightforward. Have your husband drive in the city and trade him for highway driving, if you're nervous. You will be surprised by how big and spread out everything is. Even in the fairly busy east coast, people don't think very much of going for a 1-2 hour drive for a particular/to see a friend/to commute/just because. Gas is stupidly cheap, the highways are wide, (almost) everyone has an automatic, and people spend a ton of time in their cars.

In many places you're going there won't be more than three or four cars a mile (depending where you are, of course); you can just set the cruise control to to the the posted speed limit and just steer the car occasionally.

Remember that everything is backwards--so the slowest lane is on the right. If you sit in the right lane going 64-66 in a 65 zone, you will almost certainly be entirely fine.

Very few roads in America have speed cameras, so if there's speeding, it will be a trooper pulling you over. As they can only pull over one car at a time, they tend not to waste time on anyone going roughly the limit--because while they have you pulled over, some yahoo will fly by at 87 and they've missed their big ticket.

If you're worried about driving while black, there's plenty of advice on the internet. My note would be to keep your hands on the steering wheel if an officer approaches the car; my guess is that your accent would cancel out any racist preconceptions they might have, but it's something that I tell all my friends (of all races). I am not undermining the seriousness of your concern, because it is real and fair, but I will tell you that chances of something bad happening in this regard during your vacation are slim.

As for Death Valley, I would personally avoid the gross biker motel and stay at somewhere kitschy and fun. Stovepipe Wells has fun reviews--or you could splurge a bit and go for the Inn at Death Valley. Spend an extra $40-60 for something you'll enjoy. And make sure to gas up your car whenever you can!