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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be dreading going to USA?

142 replies

AllisonAndColeAreBoring · 29/07/2018 10:36

Going on USA road trip in 4 weeks.

I'm dreading it for two reasons - 1. I'm mixed race and have found out a lot of the places we're stopping off at are racist. Arizona especially. DH has booked us into a saloon motel thing in Death Valley and a few of the reviews state that it's popular with bikers and truckers and don't even consider staying there if you're not white, heterosexual American as you will stand out like a sore thumb and will not be welcome! Another place is flagstaff where the reviews state its a trump supporters haven and people of colour will stand out.

  1. The driving. I'm not a confident driver but will need to share the driving out there. DH has set me up on GTA5 to practice driving on the right side of road and junctions etc but a game cannot be compared to real life can it?!

He thinks I'm purposely trying to cause drama and moaning about the hotel's to get my way on expensive accommodation and moaning about the driving so I don't have to do any.

Are my fears founded or am I indeed being a princess like he's making out?

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 29/07/2018 11:30

Driving - it'll be fine. Don't practice on GTA FFS. You pick up driving on the other side of the road v quickly.

Places you are visiting - everyone you meet will be a tourist. Or in the tourist industry. Either they will be visitors like you, or in the service industry and after your money. And there is no service like American service, they are so skilled.

Hotels - you may have a point. Has he booked you in at proper tourist catering stops, or dodgy looking cheapo stops. Either way, being friendly and giving it your best British accent still gets you a long way.

kenandbarbie · 29/07/2018 11:30

Where are you staying in Death Valley? I stayed in a motel thing there so I might be able to help. We found it funny, it was a real hill billy sort of place so most people stood out!! I think it was called Alabama Hills.

Could you do the driving in some of the easier parts? I did Death Valley to LA as it was just a long straight road with no tricky bits. DH did San Fran etc.

We always say it was our best holiday ever! I'm jealous.

EdWinchester · 29/07/2018 11:35

I think your husband is winding you up. Practising driving on GTA?

MissConductUS · 29/07/2018 11:50

I'm an American and I think your fears are a bit overdone. You'll adapt to the driving quickly, but do get a sat nav (they're called GPS units here). The car rental agency can supply one if you book it in advance.

As others have pointed out, AZ is not a white bastion. In addition to Hispanics there are a lot of native Americans. And there is truly a special place in our hearts for British tourists. I worked in an area that had mobs of tourists all of the time, and from a practical point of view they're invisible. They show up, gawk around a bit, spend money and leave.

Part of the ethos of the American west is live and let live. I think you'll have a fine time and discover that America is quite a welcoming place.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 29/07/2018 11:59

Calm down. It's like Donald Trump describing London as a lawless war zone - you have to apply some common sense to what you read.

If your husband has booked places with consistently poor reviews, rebook by all means. Otherwise I think you should go, and then repost afterwards on this thread as to whether it really was the racist hellhole you were picturing.

Re the driving, it's bizarrely fine once you're underway, but the big risk is each time you start the car. This applies equally to you and your husband - maybe more so to him if he's too relaxed and casual!

Stinkerbelldust · 29/07/2018 12:02

You'll be fine - really. Although I'm not sure why you've agreed to go on holiday to a place you don't want to go? But anyway, the driving is much easier. The lanes are bigger and there are stop lights so the lane management is easier than say roundabouts. Drivers tend to just let you go if you seem nervous. There's less of "it's my right of way so I'm going" mentality. There are lots of non-white people in Arizona. Is it racist? Yes but it's more institutional racism that you are very unlikely to encounter. Most of those people are the type to be loudly friendly to non-whites to prove they aren't racist. You'll be fawned over for your accent. It will all be fine but boring. Arizona is dead boring.

mirialis · 29/07/2018 12:04

Have you been getting all your info on America from 1990s episodes of Roseanne? What makes you think the USA is more racist than say Poland or Lithuania?

Why bring other countries into it?

The OP has looked at the reviews of where she will be staying in the USA and seen:

a few of the reviews state that it's popular with bikers and truckers and don't even consider staying there if you're not white, heterosexual American as you will stand out like a sore thumb and will not be welcome! Another place is flagstaff where the reviews state its a trump supporters haven and people of colour will stand out.

Obviously there are many parts of the USA where this is not a problem and some that are. Just like other countries but the OP is not going to other countries, she's going to the USA. And so it would be helpful if people of colour who have stayed/lived in these areas responded to her to say what it is/was actually like for them.

Ginorchoc · 29/07/2018 12:08

Driving is fine (unless you’re in crazy LA even that you get used to) in USA

juneau · 29/07/2018 12:09

Driving in the US is different to here, because their road systems are slightly different, but generally it's not scary and you will soon get used to driving on the right. All cars are automatic too, so you literally just have to look where you're going, you don't have to change gear.

As for racism, the US is a lot more diverse than the UK. Arizona has a lot of Hispanics and non-whites and you won't stand out unless you go to small towns in the midwest (which can still be pretty white), but America is a nation built from immigration, so it is a lot more diverse than Europe is. If individual hotels are bothering you, change your reservation. You don't have to go for something fancy - there are many chain hotels where you should be very safe - go for one of those instead if you're concerned.

bevelino · 29/07/2018 12:16

OP, why is your dh asking you to visit places where you won’t feel safe? The US is vast and there are lots of road trips you can take without fear of racism, for example the Pacific Highway and the Big Sur.

As others have said the driving should be ok especially if you are hire an automatic. You get used to driving on the right very, very quickly.

BonnieF · 29/07/2018 12:33

Driving in the US is a complete non-issue. Your rental car will be an automatic, the roads are much less crowded than in the U.K. and there are fewer roundabouts to negotiate.

I agree about your British accent, make the most of it. My normal accent is boring Midlands, but I can sound like Kate Middleton when it suits me. The Americans seem to like that accent Wink. People will be very polite to you, ma’am, when they realise you’re visiting their great country. Just don’t criticise it or it’s laws or get involved in any political discussions.

Enjoy your holiday!

Ta1kinpeace · 29/07/2018 12:35

I would suggest you watch Reginald D Hunter's programme that was on TV last night

and relax

BonnieF · 29/07/2018 12:40

Also, don’t criticise Trump. Whatever you or I might think of him, the fact is that he is the democratically elected President of the United States. Most Americans are very patriotic, and won’t take kindly to a foreigner criticising their President, even if they didn’t vote for him.

Meeep · 29/07/2018 12:48

Yes, don't mention Trump in a negative light or someone wearing a Confederate flag might jump out and shoot you.

(That won't really happen, don't panic.)

kmc1111 · 29/07/2018 12:55

Dont stress about the driving.

The accomodation you should definitely change. I assume the people saying it’ll be fine have never had the experience of walking into a place and immediately feeling just how much you are not wanted there. Some places can be incredibly hostile, and them being located in a multicultural state or city doesn’t make it safe. Locals just know which places to avoid. I mean, there’s streets and pubs and such in London where I know I’m not wanted. It’s just worse when you travel since you’re out of your comfort zone and don’t have the same feel for the place.

The same with towns. I’ve been to Flagstaff. It’s not going to be dangerous in any way, but if you are an interracial couple, it’s not a very comfortable place to be. The overall vibe was ‘polite disapproval’, with the odd feeling of not so polite disgust here and there. Not the end of the world, not a new experience, but not something I’d choose for a holiday.

Some people here need to keep in mind that politeness, especially American style politeness in the South, has very little to do with how people actually feel about you. Just because you see people being polite doesn’t mean that what POC or LGBT are feeling from them is politeness. Some of the most uncomfortable experiences I’ve had in the US came from people who were going through the whole big hospitality song and dance, but whose real feelings towards me were still coming through loud and clear. Personally I find that even more uncomfortable than people just being blatantly unwelcoming.

MouseholeCat · 29/07/2018 13:05

I live in the backwaters of the Midwest in a Trump district. I'm white so I cannot speak from experience, however through talking to people of colour over here, the most dangerous areas for racist activity are the rough areas of inner cities.

You'll be fine driving- I'm not a great driver but picked it up very fast here. It's wide roads, slow speeds and very simple navigation. Keep an eye out for stop signs.... they love those fuckers. I'd avoid driving in Manhatten though, that terrified me!

kenandbarbie · 29/07/2018 13:17

There could be a problem with finding alternative accommodation in Death Valley as there isn't much there? I know we were limited in choice there due to our itinerary.

HollyGibney · 29/07/2018 13:20

Your husband sounds like a bit of a dick if you don't mind me saying.

TornFromTheInside · 29/07/2018 13:36

TV could easily make a program that makes the UK look like a racist hotbed. We have plenty of racism here, but for most people, most of the time, it's not a major threat.

The same in the USA.

If you're a holiday maker / tourist doing most of the major tourism places, you'll be absolutely fine. You will not stand out. Like the UK, the USA is very diverse. It has problems (like we do), but it's a great country despite some failings. Try to relax and enjoy it - there is a lot of enjoyment to be had if you'll let it happen!

ElementalHalfLife · 29/07/2018 13:42

Look, there are enclaves of racist whites all over the USA, you wouldn't want to live in those places but where you are going will be full of tourists of all colors and orientations and large percentages of the local population will be people of color, as mentioned before mostly Latino. We've done similar road trips through those areas, more than once on DH's Harley. You'll barely register on the local radar, as said, your Brit accent will excite more interest than your color. Bikers do tend to be mostly white, but the ones you're likely to meet at a tourist road motel in Arizona or Nevada will be liberal, middle-aged, middle class roadtrippers from California like me and DH rather than hardened Hell's Angels.

As for truckers, a more diverse bunch you're less likely to meet, they drive thousands of miles across and back through all the states and a freight driver you meet at a motel in Arizona is more likely to actually live in Chicago, New York, Los Angeles i.e. hundreds and thousands of miles away where the local demographic is much more diverse. Honestly, the freight companies here can't afford to be picking and choosing only white drivers, they're begging for drivers, it's a hard, tedious, heavy job involving days and weeks on the road and driver turnover is high because so many can't hack it, if you can pass the heavy goods test and a drug test it's "here's the keys, hit the road".

Driving here is a doddle compared to the UK, if I can drive there you can drive here. The roads are wide and well-marked, plenty of rest stops along the way, especially out on those vast desert highways where you're going. Get a good GPS (sat nav), set the cruise control for those long, long stretches of empty road and off you go.

thenorthernluce · 29/07/2018 13:43

Please don’t worry too much, on both counts. I’ve lived and holidayed in America over the years, and while I’m white and heterosexual and therefore have no experience of racism or discrimination discussed here, Americans on the whole are welcoming, generous, and interested in you and your life.

Play up the English accent; a Hugh Grant-esque “I’m terribly sorry but...” goes a long long way all over the States (apart from most in NYC, who don’t give a fuck).

Driving is so easy in America. Roads and freeways are empty and wide, cars are automatic and easy to drive. There are always signs for fuel and food. Just be aware of speed limits and the fact that Americans see gaps between cars on the freeway as an invitation to change lanes (they seemingly don’t care about stopping distances!). If you’re pulled over by the cops anywhere, keep your hands on the steering wheel as they approach, address them as “officer/sir/ma’am” and have your license ready, along with documents to show it’s a rental car. Again, as soon as they hear that English accent, they’ll most likely start chatting in a friendly, interested manner.

Good luck and enjoy!

BadLad · 29/07/2018 13:45

DH has set me up on GTA5 to practice driving on the right side of road and junctions etc but a game cannot be compared to real life can it?!

It's much more of a gun culture than the U.K., so it's probably a good idea to play some Call of Duty too.

UserX · 29/07/2018 13:50

remember that it’s legal to turn right on red

This varies by state. Not sure about AZ but it’s illegal in NY.

EdWinchester · 29/07/2018 13:52

Yes, right turn on red is not everywhere. And if there are 2 right lanes, the leftmost lane is not allowed to turn right, ime.