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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Polite or annoying?

59 replies

Emotionaleater · 28/07/2018 23:30

Ok, so this is a hypothetical situation, but I would like to hear views as I might be in this situation soon.
So, if you don’t like (for a better word) people of a certain religion, and a family as such moved near you, would you be annoyed at them trying to introduce themselves/bringing small gift as a ‘hi, new neighbour’ thing?
Trying to work out if that would be a no, never, would make my blood boil more, or would that be acceptable?
Really interested to hear what people have to say Smile

OP posts:
DameFanny · 28/07/2018 23:32

Are you talking cupcakes or religious tracts?

Original poster
Emotionaleater · 28/07/2018 23:33

Definitely cupcakes/chicolates...no religion/religious material at all...maybe a nice plant too (is that too much?)

OP posts:
Samcro · 28/07/2018 23:34

i would be shocked.....and think it was nice

MaisyPops · 28/07/2018 23:34

A polite introduction is perfectly reasonable.

In fact I would be questioning anyone who can not like someone they've never met based on their faith (which I assume they must have inferred from superficial and observable features).
It seems awfully narrow minded to not like someone for havinv a faith that's not your own.

OhTheRoses · 28/07/2018 23:35

What's wrong with a simple smile and good morning. Getting to know them gradually and letting normal conversation/neighbourliness blossom naturally.

MissusGeneHunt · 28/07/2018 23:36

I think anyone who came to introduce themselves as a new neighbour is a really nice thing to do. Bringing a token of friendship, however remote that is, is even nicer. You don't have to be massive friends afterwards, but unless they are hideous neighbours for various non religious based reasons, what's the problem?

MissusGeneHunt · 28/07/2018 23:38

OP, are you concerned about being the new neighbour with a religion someone else doesn't like? If so, and you're offering a hand of 'peace', then that's lovely.

MrsTommyBanks · 28/07/2018 23:40

Its hard for me to put myself in that situation. There are religion's I don't agree with (Catholicism, extreme Christianity, extreme anything really) but I'd never be anything less than happy at a new neighbour doing something so obviously well meant and kind.

DameFanny · 28/07/2018 23:41

Cupcakes is good, especially if you're Nadia from Bake Off Wink

MonaLisaSimpson · 28/07/2018 23:41

If someone decided that they didn't like someone else because of their religion, without knowing them or anything about them, I would consider them to be cunts of the highest order.

Dislike a religion, fine, but people are people and they are not defined solely by whichever god they choose to worship. Some people are nice and some are not so nice. If someone is bringing me a cake then they're probably nice, or at least I'm going to view them as such unless I have evidence to the contrary.

Lethaldrizzle · 28/07/2018 23:44

I dont like or dislike anybody because of their faith. What a strange question

MissusGeneHunt · 28/07/2018 23:44

What @MonaLisaSimpson said! Far more eloquently than I could have put it!

Teaandbiscuits35 · 28/07/2018 23:45

I think it’s a lovely gesture and maybe it will make them see that people need to be judged as individuals rather than by their religion or any other part of their life.

ThinkingCat · 28/07/2018 23:45

I don't know what the religion has to do with being a new neighbour?

Taking a present to strangers sounds a bit like trying to ingratiate themselves / yourselves.

Or is it more a "we've just moved in, our names are xx, and offering a tray of sweets/cakes as part of the hello"

I suppose it depends on where you live eg small village with non-diverse community or multi-cultural urban community.

Is it just about being friendly and getting to know new people, or is about, we are a different religion and we sense there may be prejudice, so we are trying to overcome it?

Original poster
Emotionaleater · 28/07/2018 23:46

Thank you all. I know it sounds like an odd question, but you hear it so many times (or maybe it’s exasperated in my mind) how people label others without actually getting to know individuals...

I wish I could bake like Nadia from bake off Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Emotionaleater · 28/07/2018 23:49

Thinkingcat - yes more the ‘we sense prejudice and trying to overcome it’, but also trying to just be nice new neighbours and wanting to integrate (esp kids) in new area etc.

OP posts:
Lalliella · 29/07/2018 00:00

This is a difficult one to answer OP as I can’t imagine not liking someone based on their religion (unless it it practising satanism) but I think I’d be very touched if a new neighbour brought me a gift, and would probably feel a bit guilty, like it was me who should’ve given them a gift. Please accept a cup of sugar if you come round to my house!

Witchend · 29/07/2018 00:02

I think a plant would be a bit weird from anyone. But that's partially because I have brown fingers and can guarantee to kill any house plants off, but also because when I've got a lot to do like unpacking a house load, my heart would sink at getting something I'd have to at least remember to water, and would in reality at best forget and probably knock it (and the lovely wet earth) all over the lightest carpet.

However I can't see anyone objecting to it. I'd certainly take it as a nice gesture. And chocolate brownies would be even better. Grin

ElementalHalfLife · 29/07/2018 00:02

This is a really weird post. How would you know what religion new neighbors are? I think it's a lovely thing to do but surely the cake bringing should be the other way round? I mean the already resident neighbors take cake or cookies to welcome the new neighbors to the neighborhood. At least that's the way it works here, USA.

DunkandEggAgain · 29/07/2018 00:03

Because sometimes it can present itself as "othering", ThinkingCat. A family devoutly sikh, men in turbans, women in traditional saarrrees and what have you, moving into an all white suburban country village..you get the picture. You're being kind and gracious to think if you saw a family like that move in close to you, you wouldn't think two thoughts on the matter but when you are " that family" in question moving onto a street like that, these thoughts absolutely do plague you.
I speak from experience. Lots of times we've felt we have to tone down our culture (in a way) at least until we get a good grasp of our surroundings and the people.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 29/07/2018 00:05

if someone doesn't like people of a certain religion without knowing them personally they are bigotted so i don't really care whether they eat or reject my cupcakes.

are you the religious person or the bigot?

DunkandEggAgain · 29/07/2018 00:06

Ive introduced myself to bew neighbours with, so far, Victoria sponge, bunches of flowers, tins of heroes or celebrations😂. Not all to the same house by the way. Different neighbours at different times.

slithytove · 29/07/2018 00:06

I would find it strange if someone who had just moved in brought me a gift. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? I’d still like it though!

Religion wouldn’t come into it if it wasn’t mentioned, and I’m not sure how I would necessarily know what religion someone is just from receiving a gift.

Fabricwitch · 29/07/2018 00:09

I would love some food goods, especially if it's something from your presumably different culture? that I haven't tried/can't make myself.
Anyways, whatever it was, if someone brought baked goods to my house I would invite them in so we could share it with a cup of tea or coffee.
However, I'm not the kind of person who would pre-dislike someone based on their religion.

Maliali · 29/07/2018 00:09

You shouldn’t have to but it’s a lovely thing to do. It’s a good way of breaking down barriers and challenging stereotypes. Food is universal and something that can be given in so many situations. People shouldn’t judge in advance on faith grounds but sadly some do. When people have the opportunity to get to know someone of a different faith and/or race they also get the opportunity to discover we have more things in common than we have things that make us different.