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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Brother won't let me stay

73 replies

powerfulpanda · 28/07/2018 14:50

I love my brother and would do anything for him without question.
He lives with his GF. There has been a little animosity between us (particularly when she drunkenly hit him) but I have been trying to mend that as I want to see him without awkwardness.
I asked to stay at him place after a night out (this is once in a blue moon for me) and he completely refused without thought. I just want a few drinks (my drunken days are well over) and a taxi would be fifty quid. He says he has to get up early on Sunday. No discussion.
Am I being unreasonable to be a bit hurt?

OP posts:
FASH84 · 28/07/2018 14:52

YABU it's his home not a hotel, you are not going there to see him and you don't get on with his girlfriend, you are essentially just using him for his house location

t3xa · 28/07/2018 14:55

Yabu. His home not your hotel. Grow up.

FoodGloriousFud · 28/07/2018 14:57

I disagree, I'd definitely be hurt! He's your brother for goodness sake of course he could put you up for 1 night. I would do it for any of my siblings as they would for me.

Seasawride · 28/07/2018 15:00

Well I would do that for my siblings but am guessing he doesn’t want you drunkly arguing with his gf like last time as he has an early start.

Maybe look at your past behaviour.

Shoxfordian · 28/07/2018 15:02

He's probably said no because you don't get on with his girlfriend. Doesn't sound like you were even planning on seeing him anyway. Yabu.

Purpleartichoke · 28/07/2018 15:02

Be a grown up and get a taxi or a hotel.

You have a history of animosity with his GF and want to use his house like a hotel while intoxicated. What part of that sounds like a good idea?

FatCow2018 · 28/07/2018 15:04

There is no rule that says he has to put you up just because you are family. I would say no too as I find having house guests stressful as I like my own space.

Allthewaves · 28/07/2018 15:04

You don't get on with his gf. Surely she wouldn't want u staying hence the outright no

Bombardier25966 · 28/07/2018 15:05

It's not just his home, it's his partner's too. It's understandable that she wouldn't want you there. And that's fair enough, you wouldn't want someone in your home that you don't get on with.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/07/2018 15:07

YABU. If you dislike his partner why would you want to stay in their home?

My brothers both live a distance away and often stay over when we all get together. They get on very well with my husband. If they didn’t it would be different.

LIZS · 28/07/2018 15:08

Was he part of the night out or were you just hoping to crash? Maybe gf would say no, especially if you intend to drink.

LighthouseSouth · 28/07/2018 15:12

he's not running a hotel.

NinetySixer · 28/07/2018 15:12

Put this a different way : You don’t get on with his GF. Why would she want you staying in her home.

Luckily I get on with all my DPs siblings however if one of them started drunken arguments with me or mine with him they wouldn’t be staying.

LanguidLobster · 28/07/2018 15:15

YANBU for feeling a bit hurt, however they've said no which you have to accept

Takfujimoto · 28/07/2018 15:16

I think YABU to think he would say anything but no tbh. I wouldn't have even asked, especially if I didn't particularly like his GF.
Why are you surprised?

Why can't you have a drink closer to home and get a cheaper taxi?

happypoobum · 28/07/2018 15:19

yabu

notacooldad · 28/07/2018 15:19

If be a bit pissed off if my siblings turned me down but, that said, we all help each other out.
However in your case if there has been some bad feeling I kind of get it.

Fatbelliedgirl · 28/07/2018 15:22

Just a thought but could his GF be abusive and that is why you can't stay? You mention upthread she drunkenly hit him. I would be concerned if it were one of my DBs.

ADuckNamedSplash · 28/07/2018 15:24

I call reverse...

Timeforabiscuit · 28/07/2018 15:27

What past behaviour have you done to cause him to give an instant no?

If you're using someone as a crashpad, you need to have a pretty decent relationship beforehand.

If you dont want a taxi id look into an air bnb or cheap hotel.

powerfulpanda · 28/07/2018 15:38

I've not started to drunken arguments! That's not my style. Awhile ago she hit him and I found it difficult to be around her. I didn't say anything to her face or start anything.

I think it was the Flat refusal that got me. I would always want to help him out or discuss ways around things. Whenever he needs me I am there.
Grown ups can be hurt to the poster who told me to grow up. It's part of being human.

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 28/07/2018 15:39

I'd be hurt. Though I'd expect to actually make more of a "visit" - so go up during the day, have lunch and afternoon with them, then go out and off early the next morning.
Would he say no if it was say a job interview you had near by? Can you never stay with him again now due to the gf?

TerfsUp · 28/07/2018 15:41

YABU. It doesn't sound as though you want to spend the night at your brother's so that you can see him; rather, you want to save taxi fare after an evening out drinking.

That, combined with the fact that you don't get along with his partner, make it perfectly understandable for him to say no.

Clutterbugsmum · 28/07/2018 15:44

You do need to grow up.

You asked he said no, so stop bloody whinging about and pay for a taxi or stay in a hotel.

You didn't want to see your brother you just wanted a cheap bed for the night. I would turn that down as well.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 28/07/2018 15:46

I think people have misread this. It was the gf who was drunk and who hit the OP's brother. The OP hasn't actually done anything apart from not warm to the gf following this behaviour.

I think the brother is being an arse. Siblings should help each other out - this is a one off, not something the OP wants to do every weekend

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