AIBU to think that this is awful parenting?

[Screenburn]

On a train journey that’s around 2.5hrs, start to finish. Family with three kids behind me who are simultaneously using devices to play lots of music and games out loud - including the Dad, who is actively showing noisy videos to a disinterested child! Mum is ignoring all the kids despite them turning the sound up constantly.

AIBU to think it is crap parenting to let your kids disturb everyone else and it teaches them that their wants always trump everyone else’s??

YADNBU that is a pretty shitty & lazy way to bring up your children and sets a example to them. Extremely inconsiderate and ill-mannered. Teaching children manners in public spaces is not easy but put the effort in and they’ll grow up to be better people. Poor kids really. What hope have they got?

To the PP who questioned that they may not realise how loud & inconsiderate they’re being? Really!

*bad example

OP, I do think it's awful parenting. Though I would be too much of a wuss to say anything to the parents (not least as I'd think they would be likely to ignore me, if they let/encourage their children to be so rude and inconsiderate).

I used to take my children from toddlerhood onwards to visit family on the train. It took 8.5 hours to get there (and, obvs, another 8.5 hours to get back). I made sure I took plenty for them to do (in the days before gadgets, as it happens). And I gave them a LOT of attention. They were never any bother (and no, they were not angels in general - one in particular was a horror).

I was on a train with my 16 yo the other day, and even then was issuing instructions about making sure his music wasn't audible to other passengers through his headphones. It's just politeness.

Definitely poor parenting. As a PP has said it tells us so much about these parents, their poor parenting skills and their subsequent unruly offspring who think that rules don't apply to them. I'd be getting the train manager to get them told. What rude and arrogant behaviour.

If it was easy to get children to behave or to control them then there wouldn’t be 1001 different parenting manuals (all saying different things) and different parenting courses (again all saying different things). It’s a masssive industry so obviously lots of parents struggle.

It wasn’t perfect parenting of course but I have a huge amount of sympathy for parents struggling as it is fucking hard at times.

YANBU!

We did an hour and a half each way on the train on Thursday with a 4 year old and a 6 year old with ASD. The strike action meant the train was heaving as the previous two had been cancelled, DS1 was getting overwhelmed and overstimulated, but we managed to keep them both from disturbing other passengers because we'd come prepared. DS2 did some colouring with DH, and I calmed DS1 down with his Where's Wally book. We had his Nintendo DS with us in case it was needed, but it never got that far, and he would most definitely have been told to have the sound off!

I did apologise to the passengers near us once the boys were settled in case DS1 had disturbed anyone when he was brewing for a meltdown, but they all said not at all and commented that it was nice to see parents interacting with their children. I thought it was a sad state of affairs that it deviated from the norm enough to warrant comment...

Don't care about the devices, don't care too much about the parents 'checking out' that's theirs to deal with.
DO care that their level of noise is detrimental to everyone elses enjoyment of the journey.
YANBU - there are 50plus people in a carriage who are all entitled to travel in a reasonable environment. They are not at home, there are other people to consider and it is crap parenting to ignore that. Doesn't matter if it's too loud adults, blaring devices, kicking seats, etc etc unless you can charter a private carriage then have a bit of respect for everyone's comfort who has paid.

Thanks for all the comments.

I got off the train a little while ago - thankfully! - but not before the train guard gave them a ticking off (someone else must have told her; I didn’t have the nerve ).

Unfortunately this did absolutely no good and after a half-hearted attempt by the Dad to argue (“we’ve paid for these seats, it’s our choice”) they turned them off, only to turn them straight back on again when the guard left the carriage.

Am now enjoying at my destination!

Since the parents cannot exactly go back in time and instill perfect behaviour then for that particular journey the parents may we’ll feel this is the best they can do. Headphones would have been great but perhaps they didn’t have them with them.

Oh please. It’s not ‘perfect behaviour’ to make children only use devices on silent or with headphones in public. It’s not ‘perfect behaviour’ to expect children to be considerate of others or to have a reasonable expectation that the children will not turn the devices back up if a parent turns them down.

If this very feeble example was ‘the best they could do’ then yes, this is an episode in a longer pattern of poor parenting.

Every parent (who uses devices in public) gets a first time using a device in public, and gets a chance to make the choice to be considerate to others and set boundaries (silent or headphones) on how that device may be used, or whether to take the easy, rude route where they aren’t actually teaching their kids to behave decently or bothering to parent. Kids expecting to use devices in public with the sound on doesn’t just happen. It’s the result of parental choices.

YANBU

No excuse for playing devices out loud in public, enclosed spaces. Selfish wankers.

How is it not awful parenting?! Surely a part of parenting is teaching your children how to behave in public spaces and how to treat people with respect, consideration and courtesy. If they don't learn it as children they certainly won't develop it as adults.

OP I'm sure the people that think you are being unreasonable are the kind of people who let their kids run riot in restaurants and/or shove iPads in front of their noses while sitting in a restaurant.

Not acceptable.

YANBU. No consideration for fellow passengers at all. My eldest was a total nightmare on trains when he was a toddler (fidgety, loud, fussy etc.) and we lived at the other end of the country and had to travel to see family via train all the time. I wouldn't have dreamed of doing that.

I never get why people are so quick to justify this kind of thing.

They were being very rude - both children and parents. It is lazy parenting at best. If they refused.

We all done this and sometimes it is nice to ignore this. If you have children you will understand this

Yes it is awful parenting. There is no teaching of consideration for other travellers. No engagement by the parents to try and entertain them some other way when travelling - mine used to like cards, like uno or happy families, travel scrabble etc. Not their heads stuck in an electronic device for 2.5 hours. Lazy and entitled parents lead to spoilt selfish children.

The first few replies are really interesting I.e ‘can’t beleive you are complaining about this’. Presumably they are the parents who think this is ok.

If I had paid to sit and have a relaxing time in FC I would most definitely have complained.

I think OP has explained quite clearly why it is bad parenting. The lack of consideration for others at the dominance of their own enjoyment, the ignoring when someone mentioned it, the dismissal of ‘oh they’ll turn it up again’ and the pretending to do as the guard says. Absolute rubbish. Just bad parents.

We all done this and sometimes it is nice to ignore this. If you have children you will understand this

Actually we haven't all done this. I have 5 DC. The elder 4 were little long before we had screens, and the little one likes to play on screens. No way would I have taken any of them on a train making a racket. As for "they'd only turn them up again", words fail me. Who is the parent?

Cr@p parenting. If you want your child to stare moronic ally into a screen for hours that is your choice as a parent. But not to use headphones is v inconsiderate.
My husband has tinnitus so noise like that trapped on a train is very painful and disorientating for him. What about people who want to read etc. Why are children's needs greater than those of the people around them? If you dont have headphones use them on mute.

The parents are probably trying to keep the kids from running around.

YANBU OP. To the people saying she should confront him, no she shouldn't have to in the first place. He should know it is rude. There are a lot of unhinged people out there and she might not want to argue with a complete stranger.

They probably are @Mmer but the result is that they are disturbing others who have paid to travel too. And have shown ineffective parenting to boot.

YANBU, that's so rude and inconsiderate

Did I land on the wrong planet or did someone, a long time ago, invent headphones. Sounds like 'rights' and no concept of responsibilities. And very inconsiderate.

YANBU not using headphones is becoming increasingly common. Its not just kids who do this. Its anti social behaviour.