To think I'll never be slim... I cannot diet

[Takiwatanga]

I have tried it all. The only thing that kept me slim was starvation or cigs. Neither appeal to me now as a mother! I am just so upsry with myself and lack of self control. I cannot diet, i literally cave after a day or 2. I hate diets. I try to eat sensibly but struggle so much with moderation. I'm so depressed with feeling fat and having no self control. I'm not obese, but I'm porkeier than I have ever been and cannot see a way out. I just wish I could view food how normal folk do. Aibu to give up and simply be a chubster for life.?

Thank you everyone. It's so nice to have such support and wise words. This thread has truly helped me.

Mooncup - pretty sure you wouldn't speak that way to me in RL so please don't on here. No need for it. What I was saying is I got sick of eating the same kind of foods all the time : fat and protein. Particularly the fat on a daily basis. I do like the idea of lchf but for me it still felt restrictive. I'm sorry if this doesn't fit with your mindset, but not need to get arsey about it!? :)

Never found dieting alone works, seems to show results in the first few week when your willpower is strong and the effects are quite apparent but tails off quickly and things return to normal

I found a food diary where I honestly, without guilt or lying to myself noted down everything that passed my lips. I was amazed at how much I sacked or nibbled on stuff which I previously couldn't even recall come the end of the day - biscuit here, square of chocolate there. Allowed me to really concentrate on the between meals eating that was really the route of the problem.

And exercise, walk further, cycle with the kids etc. Found that this, way I could eat fairly normally at meal times without feeling like I was starving myself.

If you eat a lot of sugar cut down on that, op. However apart from that, why not dish yourself half the potion you usually would for your meals then fill the rest of your plate with as much as you like of salad or non starchy veg?

I have started doing this and the weight has started coming off again.

Taki, you are not alone. I can't either. I cave on day 2 if not before. Last time I stuck to a diet faithfully was in my twenties when I lived alone and my boyfriend was working abroad, so I had no one else influencing what I ate. But with 6'2" DH and two boys in the house, I just eat the food they eat. If I don't buy it, DH does, so there's always stuff in the house that doesn't work well with a diet.

I've recently decided to just focus on getting fit. A good walk every day, weights, yoga, strength training. I am not lighter nor have I dropped any inches, but I'm way stronger, more agile and flexible, which is a start. And my posture is getting better. It's astart.The fitter and stronger I get, I hope I'll be able to tackle more challenging work outs and that the muscle tone will make up for the food a bit.

But exercise as well. If you get an activity monitor such as fit bit you can get an idea of how many calories exercise burns, even just walking. I find it a good incentive to squeeze bits in throughout the day.

I was going to say as well as the last 2 posters, try including some exercise into your day - not sure what you do now but walking or running is great for toning up - try the couch to 5km - only 30 mins a few times a week. Or do some cardio exercise - I have dropped a dress size by doing this sort of thing and have not changed what I eat - though I think if I dropped the snacks I would loose more quite easily: and I think once you start seeing your body slimming down then the motivation comes back re what you eat.

I also can't cut out entire food groups... I end up standing staring at a packet of scones in Sainsbury’s for 10 minutes - no way to live.

Do check out 5:2 on here and on fb op, once it 'clicks' it's great.

I need to lose about five stone. I hate my body and have issues with moderation. My family are also overweight. My kids and husband are all slim and my middle child (has autism so is very blunt) keeps saying all the other mummies are slim why aren’t you? So I need to gear up but I’ve had a very stressful year and I’ve used food as a comfort.

What helped me keep the weight off in dance college and also helped my friend lose weight was to cut the daily fat gram intake. Not eating less as there is nothing worse than being hungry, just eating foods with a lower fat content. Switching to lower fat version of everything that can be swapped, but without cutting anything that you would normally eat out of your diet as otherwise it's more difficult to maintain it long term. I also found that portioning up straight away any bulk cooking into storage containers for the fridge / freezer meant that I didn't go back for second helpings. I have to say that I tend to eat what I like these days (cos I'm lazy), but if I do need to shift some weight I find that reverting back to cutting down the fat grams certainly helps me shift it again. As well as some form of exercise, even if it's just going for a walk each day.

I hear you on the fags diet - it was my go to in my 20s

Now I’m menopausal the weight has piled on

I hate hate hate obsessive food tracking, like apps and special meals. It bores the shit out of me, makes me obsessive and dull, and I crave “normality”.

So I’m just eating very little during the day, a little fruit and lots of drink - tea, water, the occasional Diet Coke and then eating a proper supper minus carbs.

Gone down a dress size in 3 weeks so far and much more manageable for me.

You basically have to find what works for you.

When I’m hungry, I recognise it, ignore it, and have a drink of tea or water. I might have some sugar free chewing gum so my mouth thinks it’s getting something - a bit like a fag substitute.

I'm a recovered anorexic and this book was recommended to me in therapy. I had such an unhealthy relationship with food and this really helped me. I hate the word 'diet', for me it's about changing the way you view food and eating. That's what is sustainable. Good luck OP.

Susie Orbach On Eating https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0141007516/ref=cmswwrcppapi_4mbxBb14B3874

I’ve lost over 100lbs. For me the key has been learning to balance ins and outs, stopping the dieting mentality of good food, bad food, I
Learning that if I have lots one day it doesn’t matter as I can compensate on other days and not being on a ‘diet’.

Exercise has helped hugely . I got a Fitbit and started with that witha target of 7k steps a day and built up gradually. A good brisk walk is excellent , hills are your friend as you get fitter and I have running music I listen to as keeps my pace up. After a bit of that I had a moment and decided I wanted to run 5k which caused much amusement to everyone (mostly to me and they were very supportive) as last time I had run was 1986 round the field in PE.

I discovered that actually it’s Psychology as much as physiology and the lessons I’ve learned from that I use in every day life. I make sure my life is more active now. Instead of coffee I meet friends for a dog walk or we go for a swim. Coffee does still happen and cake but exercise has become important to me.

Forget about dieting, focus on being healthy, valuing your body and being more active. Make small changes to start with. Time passes whatever you do but a series of small changes over time can really add up and make a difference you can eventually see. Small changes are easier to keep up and after a bit they become habits and are the new normal. Good luck.

Forget diets- they are only good in the short term.

You need a complete lifestyle overhaul. You need to change the way you view food.

Build exercise into your life, maybe try to find a local parkrun, they’re ace, non competitive, supportive. You can start by 99% walking and 1% jogging if you need. Or try the couch to 5k app. We do it as a family too. All you need to do is sign up, print a barcode and it’s free.

I have realised that food gives me more joy than being slim does. Due to thyroid issues I can only lose weight by being super strict, and it only stays off if I am super strict forever. My body naturally wants to be chunky and I am naturally drawn to good, rich foods. I would not be happy dieting forever. I would not enjoy life without the foods I enjoy.
I try and eat healthily as much as possible, I eat tons of fruit and veg, I buy decent meat and use healthy oils etc but I am never going to be slim because I like bread and pasta and cheese. I like a few glasses of wine at the weekend.
I do a for bit of exercise and that keeps me from being obese, I think, I can honestly gain half a stone in a week if I entirely throw caution to the wind, but I know to be a size 10 my life would be steamed veg and lean meats, salads and water forever and i holiday wouldn’t enjoy life that way.
Plus at my current weight I have awesome boobs.

Look at Paul McKenna’s I can make you thin book. It’s basically mindful eating but it’s very sensible advice.

Diets are not the way to stay slim. For the vast majority of people, the weight piles back on when the diet ends. You need a lifestyle change. I fully recommend signing up to The Body Coach 90 day plan (if you can afford it, it's a plan that's fully tailored to you) or even just buying his cook books and doing the workouts he has on YouTube. His recipes are wonderful. Lots and lots of healthy fats and protein, big portions. Some lovely treats thrown in there too. I done the 90 days plan after I had my first DS and kept it to after the 90 days because it had just become the norm by that point. It's pushing past that first week or so that was the hardest.

Will think about running again or perhaps an exercise vid off YouTube, any ideas?

I will also check out those books... Thank you

Check out Team RH on Facebook (brace yourself if you’re sensitive to bad language).

It’s basically calorie & macro counting but no food Is off limits. I am steadily losing weight eating 2250 calories including 275g of carbs a day. I eat chocolate every single day because I fit it into my calories and macros. It also encourages increasing activity but only through increasing your steps if you don’t want to anything more strenuous than that.

Take a look and see the results people are achieving through eating normally.

I am greedy and an emotional eater. I thought I wouldn’t ever be slim, then I did Slimming world. It’s the only diet that I haven’t ever felt hungry on and now I’m at my target size, I don’t follow it religiously but keep the basic principles - limited bread, cheese, junk food/ lots of fruit and veg/ lean meat and balanced meals.

I gave up 'dieting' this year after being stuck on the yo yo cycle for years.

I decided to eat fresh, healthy natural food and see this as nourishing my body.

I no longer crave sugary crap, I had some ice cream at a party last week and couldn't eat more than one mouthful as it just tasted disgustingly sweet to me.

I've lost over a stone, but this has come off naturally rather than through me trying.

You need to change your attitude so you aren't attracted to the wrong foods anymore. Then it won't be a battle and the weight will come off by itself.

Eat more veg. Start eating with a salad. It really helps and starts retraining your stomach.

I have to stay slim because I have arthritis and if my BMI goes up I have to take really hideous pain med.

The only way that works for me, DH and several family members is restricting the hours in which you eat. I do 8pm-4pm because it works with my work pattern. Most people prefer 12-8pm. Outside those times I just drink water/tea and it does work. I think its better than trying to control calories and your body adjusts and stops wanting food outside your times quite quickly.

Worrying about what you eat isn't working so don't do it. Just stop thinking about food: eat when you want to and don't worry about it at all.
Try another way. Half the time we pick is because we are thirsty, so don't wait until you are hungry or thirsty to have a drink. Concentrate on getting your water intake up to 2-3 litres a day.
Then try upping your activity levels: you are a busy Mum so an expensive gym membership may not be the answer but stick on music while you vacuum and go for it, walk as much as you can rather than using the car or bus for anything less than, say, 2 miles. Then try walking more quickly (aim to be slightly out of breath). Or if you have the time and money sign up for a few energetic classes.
Basically if dieting isn't working and is making you worry, stop dieting. If your weight is making you worry, address it by increasing your energy needs rather than decreasing the input.

Please don't start smoking again: apart from the fact it is hellishly expensive it is so bad for you, and even if you don't notice it now you will y the time your kids are teens.