To want to change back to my maiden name when I'm happily married?

[namechangers]

Just wondering what people's opinions are on this, especially if any of you have done it.

For background, I have been with DH over 14 years and married for 7. I wasn't sure about taking his name when we got married but he didn't want to take mine and as it would mean a lot to him I did change it. We now have children who have his name and we are all very happy.

The problem is I feel so sad with my name, I don't identify at all with his surname and I wish that I had never changed it. I still use my madien name for a couple of non legal things which I like. I really want to change it legally but I think it would upset him and would annoy his family (who I'm not close with). I wouldn't mind if my parents had different names and our children are too small to understand this now.

So aibu? Would you do it or just live with it? Thanks for reading this far!

In my heart I’m still ‘maiden name ‘ and some friends still call me that. My married name isn’t great tbh, it’s open to jokes and misspelling, but , I made that commitment to the bloke I love and my kids have that name.
I don’t feel I’ve lost a connection with my family by changing my name. I’m part of the new family that me and DH have created

This is obviously really important to you, I think you should revert back totally, and other people, yes including your husband will have to get over it, he is worried about what other people think, he should be more worried about how you feel.

O was discussing this just the other day. I have been married for 11 years. 1 dd (nearly 10)

I think if I was the person back then, that I am now, there is no way I would have changed my name, but now dd has it and I think it would be more hassle than it's worth to change back. But yeah, I get where you are coming from totally.

Angrybird345 if it's "just a name" how can you ask a stupid question like that? Either it's meaningful or it's just a name.

OP, I think you should change your name back if you want to. As far as I know, you're allowed to use whatever names you like as long as it's not for fraudulent purposes, so you don't have to do anything in particular to start using your name again.

And none of that answered your question.

I think it is fine to revert to your birth surname if you want. And you don't need a better reason than that you simply want to.

Lists-that's great that you changed back. Well done!

It makes me feel so sad that so many women feel pressure to change their name and feel like they have lost some of their identity as a result. I would advise my daughter not to change hers if she is it sure!

I was pretty young when I got married and I think it made me feel grown up to be mrs. But now the dust has settled and I'm older I would never have done it.

I'm going to be brave and legally change it back, anyone who is upset by it obviously doesn't have my best interests at heart

I asked my bank about it and they would require a deed poll as we are not divorced.

Really? If you handed them your birth certificate how can they refuse to change it? Did you use a deed poll to change it after marriage?

You don’t want to feel tied to your husband and family?..... words fail me.

Aristotle would be very disappointed with the way women’s view of the family unit is going 👍

Open a new bank account, use your birth certificate. What name is your passport in?
I would not change with family if that’s a whole load of shit but you could easily change at work, on social media etc.

With your dh, could you try a bright and breezy, the name change isnt working for me, I’m missing my own name so i’ll be changing back at work etc.

Pallisers- the bank woman didn't seem to know what to do but said without a divorce certificate I would need a deed poll. I just used my marriage certificate to change it originally

Thanks bettyboo that's lovely of you

Banks know bugger all, really don’t base your decisions on what you’ve been told about names in a bank.
I’m a fan of Aristotle but I think he has fuck all to say about women’s right to their own name in 2018.

I am very much tied to my family, I love them all dearly and we are very happy. My husband is tied to us and he didn't change a thing!

Well said iggi!

My maiden became my middle name.
If i was having the same thoughts as you id probably change it back too. But ive clung onto mine by keeping it as a middle name.
Change it. Its your name.

It’s not “just a name”, it’s your identity. I will never give up my name, it’s who I am, who I have been and who I want to be.

However in your situation it sounds like you’re going to be in for a rough ride if you go ahead as there’s a lot of family politics going on. I’d do it though....

OP you are entitled to do what you want but I think if you change your name back people will assume you are or are getting divorced.

Who cares if (busybody) people think you are getting divorced. Let them think it!

I've done this just a few weeks ago. Hated my married name and have never felt it's mine. What I've done is add the name I want onto the end, no hyphen but I've now a choice when giving my name to either give both, just the last one or for those who already know me still use the married name. Of course on official docs there are two names.
I've not told anyone so it's just for me really. I don't feel like explaining it to anyone and it makes no difference to anything in everyday life.

I can't identify as I couldn't wait to take my husbands name. But I'd say as you have used it for so long you should try to continue using it in some way. Perhaps double barrelling as suggested? Or maybe if it would be possible, use your maiden name in a professional capacity and your married name outside work? As a compromise?

Sorry I missed where you said you don't like double barrelling. Ignore that

Foxitude how did you change it? Did you do it legally or just start using it? What about your passport?

I’ve been feeling this a lot recently too. Changed my name 12 years ago, and really regretting it. If I hadn’t changed jobs straight after getting married, I would probably have kept it at work. I can’t change it back though without everyone thinking I’m getting divorced.

If you went to a new bank with your birth certificate they'd let you open an account in your original name. Perhaps mentioning this to your bank would remind them they want to keep your custom

I feel exactly the same as you! It's got worse lately because I used to use my maiden name at work but changed jobs and for some stupid reason didn't v tell them I wanted to use my maiden name so it's completely gone from my life. My DH now works with some of the people I work with, so if I decide to change my name I'll have to explain away the change and answer a ton of questions about the state of my marriage!