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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... about "natural birth" and "your body knows what to do"?

394 replies

ParsnipsAreTheDevil · 27/07/2018 07:48

I keep seeing the whole "don't worry your body knows what to do" thing thrown at pregnant women and it was a massive part of the hypnobirthing course I did before
DS was born (he's 2 now). When it came to it it turned out my body didn't have a bloody clue what to do. In labour for 3 days, wasn't dilating, emergency c section and we both got sepsis. Felt like a massive failure afterwards thanks to the massive emphasis on natural birth and my body categorically NOT knowing what to do?

Aibu that what we should be saying to pregnant women is to keep an open mind about birth? I've met a few women since who had very similar experiences to me. Breathe the fecking baby out my arse.

OP posts:
WaterOffaDucksCrack · 27/07/2018 20:48

Mine wasn't "natural" as I had to be induced (water's broke but labour didn't start) I had a 36 hour labour. I had gas and air, I would have asked for more pain relief but I couldn't talk due to the pain. I was having long contractions with maybe 10 second breaks. My son was distressed too and his heart rate kept dropping. Anyway, if it weren't for "unnatural" techniques neither of us would be here. But the natural brigade probaly call that natural selection!

Original poster
ParsnipsAreTheDevil · 27/07/2018 20:52

Most women don't consider themselves or others as failures for using it do they?

Have you read this thread? It's clear that they do.

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 27/07/2018 20:54

Truth is, there are no rules

^^ this

My body "knew what to do" during my fast, not very painful labour, but had failed to count the weeks properly and delivered me a tiny prem baby

OlennasWimple · 27/07/2018 20:55

Oh, and it was a good job that my body did "know" how to do labour, as DC was so prem that I hadn't been to an antenatal class or even started to read my baby books....

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 27/07/2018 20:55

I did have in my head that an epidural was a last resort. But that's because I was scared of not feeling my legs. And I've heard of someone where it went wrong and she couldn't feel her arms etc but could feel the contractions!!

rebelrosie12 · 27/07/2018 20:57

Yanbu. The trust your body bullshit that courses like NCT spew are seriously letting women down.

Terriersandtea · 27/07/2018 21:11

My experience of hypnobirthing hasn't been like this at all. I've learned the science around birth, been shown the statistics and the national guidelines and been given so much information on all birth interventions, pain relief options and the different types of birth. I am approaching birth with so much knowledge that this has calmed me and given me confidence that whatever happens I will be able to make informed choices. I have preferences in place for all eventualities including emergency scenarios. The course I completed was really emp

Terriersandtea · 27/07/2018 21:13

Posted early sorry.

The course I completed was really empowering and hasn't made me feel like I will have failed if I don't have a natural birth.

NormaNameChange · 27/07/2018 21:15

I truly beleive we need to find a balance between the over medicalisation of childbirth and the woo hynobirthing process. I have laboured 4 times.

The first was fast and frightening. I was young, had two bullying midwives who didnt accept this baby was coming as it was my first and "they always take longer" plus I couldn't be that close as I had walked to hospital (had no money, had no choice) first was 1hr 10 from first contraction to delivery. I was scared and depsite begging for painkillers was offered paracetamol before they examined me and barely got the kit opened before baby arrived.

Second was 40 mins from regular contractions to delivery. I'd had a couple of breathtaking contractions at home - maybe 2 or 3, and gone to hospital because of my speedy experience with my first. Midwife was lovely. Let me give birth in my chosen position (hands and knees) and didnt intervene until she had to. Painful but it was pain with a purpose.

Third birth was more than six hours and an experience I could eulogise over. No intervention from anyone other than a couple of quick checks and dimming the lights. When I told the midwife I had those pushing pains - she listened and acted accordingly. I felt empowered and it was the most incredible experience

My fourth birth was horrific and both of us were lucky to make it out alive. Induced - against my wishes at 40 weeks. I knew I wasnt ready. Drip with no epidural. 18 hours of pure hell. Pain beyond imagining, no control, no one listened, no pain relief, no pushing urge, baby was stuck, heart stopped, he was dragged out by his outstretched hand (no episiotomy, just torn to shred) placenta wouldnt budge, when it did I haemorrhaged, baby was rescucitated as was I... horrific.

In my opinion amd experience there is much to be said for listening to the woman, her listening to her body and ONLY intervening when help is needed.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 27/07/2018 21:16

@NormaNameChange

Just out of interest how many weeks were you for the first three deliveries?

usernamefromhell · 27/07/2018 21:21

Bertie your comment about how the practice of birthing pivoted from a heavily doctor-driven one to one which was about the emphasis on the mother having more control shed a really interesting light on this. I can see how that came about and how its desirable for women to feel more in control. But I think the "natural birth" movement is, generally, pretty pernicious and damaging and its high time we consigned it to the dustbin of history.

What I think is really damaging is the perception that "intervention" is automatically a negative thing. As has been discussed already, a vaginal birth with minimal intervention is obviously the best outcome. But the natural birth movement seems to have taken that premise and spun it into an attempt to suggest that having technology and expertise on hand to make birth easier is something to be avoided. When in fact the technology and expertise has saved millions of lives.

This creates a dynamic whereby women go into labour with the expectation that if they have done their exercises correctly and are sufficiently calm they should be able to get through the process with no intervention and minimal pain relief. They then inevitably become stressed and frightened at the first sign that anything has gone off course. There's also often a default position from midwives and nurses (some of which is probably driven by funding issues within the NHS) that they should put intervention off until the last possible point which adds to the general stress and distress and almost guarantees that women will be in pain, upset, exhausted and feeling guilty when they do give birth.

Of course its good not to scare women unduly when they are preparing for birth. And at the margins it may help some women feel more in control in the early stages of labour if they learn to relax, breathe properly etc. But the idea that this somehow puts them on a "correct" trajectory to avoid pain relief/intervention and have a normal vaginal birth is profoundly negative and damaging. And anyone who thinks breathing is going to help the when they are contracting and heavily dilated is in for a very very rude awakening. Why not just be honest about this and let people know that pain relief is there and won't hurt them or the baby?

We would be much better rewriting the mood music around this to say something like: "every birth is different. It's impossible to predict how yours will go. If you're lucky you may not need intervention but its likely that you will. Be prepared for this, its normal and fairly safe and will get you through your labour faster." That's all it takes, really.

Soubriquet · 27/07/2018 21:39

My body was....enthusiastic

I kept pushing when I shouldn't. But I couldn't bloody stop!

My cervix wasn't fully dialated but I still got the uncontrollable urge to push

No amount of breathe....was helping

BodyDoesntKnow · 27/07/2018 21:46

Someone I knew many years ago said exactly this when her baby went some days past her due date. They wanted to induce her and she refused. And then she had a stillbirth. Who knows if everything would have been ok if she'd agreed to the induction? I don't. But I don't trust my body more than I trust medical science - yes, listen to and be aware of your body but don't blindly embrace woo in the face of all evidence to the contrary.

firstworldproblems2018 · 27/07/2018 21:47

YANBU. Some women’s bodies categorically do not know what to do, which is why women died more often in childbirth years ago, and continue to die in developing countries. Modern medicine saves mothers and babies. Both me and my two DC would not have survived without medical intervention. My body did not ‘know what to do’ and whilst many women’s bodies do, it’s completely unrealistic to tell women this as if it’s a fact.

MrSpock · 27/07/2018 21:47

Those people adamant they will do it drug free annoy me just as much as the ones that demand an epidural before they’ve ever experienced labour.

Why does people wanting epidurals bother you? Some of us would rather not experience labour pains?

cameltoeflappyflapflap · 27/07/2018 21:49

My body didn't know what to do.

TheCag · 27/07/2018 21:50

My body seemed to know what to do during my second labour, it was a textbook ‘good’ labour.
Not so much the first time though....

NormaNameChange · 27/07/2018 22:02

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut all the others were somewhere around four or five days past my official due date. All labours started the same day as I had a show but they'd started with a sweep at 37 weeks with my last and then when I went for a check up on my due date - wouldn't let me leave and took me round to maternity for induction. Why do you ask?

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 27/07/2018 22:03

@MrSpock

Nobody wants pain, wed all like our babies to just pop out as easily as s chicken laying an egg, but the fact is... labour hurts, it’s meant to hurt.

To choose a pregnancy then demand all the drugs because you simply don’t want to feel anything is ridiculous imo.

Severe anxieties, previous trauma, needing it after trying labour, etc. are a different story, but I don’t believe women should be able to demand all this on the NHS without good reason.

MrSpock · 27/07/2018 22:10

but the fact is... labour hurts, it’s meant to hurt.

So is a tooth extraction, a broken leg or migraine but no one expects you to do those without pain relief. Why is there this expectation that women should suffer in labour? We have the technology to avoid that.

To choose a pregnancy then demand all the drugs because you simply don’t want to feel anything is ridiculous imo.

You’d hate me then, I chose a cesarean because I never wanted to experience vaginal birth. Anxiety played a part but it’s as much personal preference, I didn’t want to feel labour and I didn’t want to go through something I viewed as undignified and potentially damaging. And I don’t see why I, or anyone who doesn’t want to, should have to because of some weird masochistic idea about birth.

kaytee87 · 27/07/2018 22:12

To choose a pregnancy then demand all the drugs because you simply don’t want to feel anything is ridiculous imo.

Wow. What a horrible and hugely judgemental thing to say.

kaytee87 · 27/07/2018 22:14

Why is there this expectation that women should suffer in labour?

Punishment for the original sin innit Grin

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 27/07/2018 22:15

@MrSpock

You don’t have to, private healthcare gives you that choice imo.

I don’t see why I should have to suffer the indignity of a flat chest when most women have boobs. But I’m not entitled enough to think the tax payer should fund it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just my view and I’m sure plenty would disagree, but when the NHS is on its knees I don’t think it should pander to whims and wants. Again, if it’s medically necessary then definitely... but as a ‘I don’t really fancy any discomfort’ I don’t think it should be funded.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 27/07/2018 22:16

I just ask as I think I’m programmed to deliver at 42w+ and when DS arrived by CS at 39w he was distressed at birth and it was a scary time, birth debrief basically said he came out too early.

I still wonder if I’d have been ok had I been allowed to run past 42w but risks were too great

Soubriquet · 27/07/2018 22:17

MY second born was back to back too

My contractions started Monday, but he wasn't born until weds evening.

I went in in the early hours of weds morning where the contractions were picked up on the monitor but I wasn't dialating

However, my Ds had been monitored very carefully for the past two weeks so they admitted me on to the ward to see if anything happened.

Good job really. After a final check when I suddenly ramped up from 2cm to 4cm, he was born within two hours.

He wasn't spotted at being back to back until he crowned. The midwives were shocked

Oh look...he's sunny side up!! No wonder you're in such pain!