To ask if there is anyone out there that finds being a mum soooooo hard?

[Namechangemum100]

I'm 30, have 2 DC, DD is 18 months and ds is 4 months.

I love my children, I really do, but I find being a mum so damn hard.

Everyday is a slog, and I often wonder how on earth I am going to make it to the end of the day.

The days are long....sooooo long

Baby groups are boring, and full of mums who just seem to love every minute of it.

Days are filled with meaningless tasks like going to a shopping centre just to buy a new grobag even though you could have bought it online but at least it gave your day some kind of a purpose.

Everyone around me seems to love it, seems to cope, dreads their children growing up, and I'm just here wondering when my life will ever resemble something somewhat normal. Where days aren't filled with screaming, crying, picking up, putting down, picking up again, nappies, food that doesn't get eaten, mess...eugh it's never ending.

Please tell me it's not just me...please!

Yes but as a single parent raising my disabled dd with her disabilities has been tough and very draining but dd is 18 now and doing very very well so i must of done something correct.

Oh OP, I had my first two 15 months apart. DH went back to work on day 1 of coming home from the hospital with DC2. DC1 had a sickness and diarrhea bug and she completely covered her cot in sick and pop. DC2 was crying his heart out and I just sat there with the two of them.crying! I remember Ringing my mum as I didn't know what to do. She told me to get off the phone and clean up the mess then ring her back! It's was awful. It didn't get any better from there until they were about 2.5 and 1.5! Then we decided to have another!

They are 5, 4 and 21 months now. It's still hard but so so so much more fun and liberating! I love being a SAHM now but my god those young baby days were tough.

You will get through it.

Make sure you get outside!

It's rather boring isn't it? Mine were two years apart, no family help. I went back to work pt at four and five months respectively. Felt 100% better. Some return to 'normality'. And now they are teens I am still so so glad I did.

Don’t put pressure on yourself OP, it’s really hard bringing up two babies. We had a small gap with our two DS’ and at times I felt like I was on a constant merry go round of baby related activities! It does get easier, ours are 17 & 15 now, no regrets.

Mine are 14 months apart (I also had them quick because otherwise I though i’d lose my nerve) and I honestly can’t remember anything about the first 6 months of the younger one’s life! I have photos, and the odd snapshot (going down the stairs on my bottom with one on each arm is a favourite- it was the only way I could do it!) but I honestly think i’ve blanked the rest of it out. Anyway, keep on keeping on, OP. This is a haaaaaaaard time for you. Mine are 4 and 5 now, and they’re such good friends (and frenemies) and really good fun. It will be worth it.

P.s. I also went back to work after 6 months with each. Saved my sense of self, i’m sure.

YADNBU OP.
I look after a 6 month old at the moment, 6 days a week as a Nanny and I have actually cried out of sheer frustration and boredom on several occasions. And he's not even mine, and I get paid!

Doesn't help that we're not allowed out of the apartment though.

I hear you OP. I've only got 1 and he's 5 months old but I can relate. The newborn weeks were tough and I hated it and ended up getting counselling for PND. I feel lonely sometimes when I don't see another adult all day. We go on walks to the local shops and park just to get out. I meet up with the mum's and babies from my NCT class once a week and thats my lifeline. I go back to work in January and sometimes I feel guilty for looking forwards to it. It's better now that he's getting bigger and doing more things and interacting more. I love him to bits but it's not wrong to think it is a bit boring at times but it will get better. Talking of which looks like nap times over so I'd better go. You're not alone OP.

Once my youngest turned 4 everything got so much easier. We have loads more fun together and I'm more relaxed now they can feed themselves, get dressed, put shoes on etc
Little things make a difference- if we are out and about and need the loo, we all go into separate cubicles, do a wee, come out and wash our own hands.
Much less stuff to cart about- no changing bag, buggy, bottles etc. A rucksack with snacks and drinks and a packed lunch lasts us all day.
No naps to worry about. We can plan our day to suit ourselves.
They want to do interesting things now- museums, swimming (they can actually seem so I get your swim too!), library, theme parks, zoo, etc.

Flip side is doing the school run during term time and sorting out childcare on he days I work but I enjoy this stage so much more than the baby days even with occasional bickering. They go to bed at 7.30 and sleep all night. They can hold a conversation and watch TV andebate play together whilst I have a cuppa.

Hang in there OP. At the stage you are at, seek out adult company wherever possible, lower your standards and go with the flow if you can.

You are in the trenches! It's so hard at that stage.

I have 19 months between my 1st 2 DC and then a 3 year gap for my third.

I found that they get much easier when they turn two, and again when they go to school.

Mine are 6, 4 and 1 and the older two are so much easier.

I'm really glad of the close age gap now as they play so well together,

Hang on in there, it will get better! X

They can actually swim so I get to swim too

That is a very small age gap between the two. My son is 2 and a half and it's so much fun now he is talking and much more independent. I hated the baby stage and wouldn't ever want to do it again.

Babdoc
That's awful

I'm sorry you're not enjoying parenthood OP; I really hope it gets better for you as they get older.

I have to say though I just don't understand why, if someone has a baby and discovers they don't like it, they would go and have another one - and so soon, while the first one is still in the 'difficult' stage!! You say you wanted your DD to have a sibling, but don't you worry about the effect o both of them of how much you are not enjoying them, and worry that having added the second child into the mix you have even less tolerance for either of them?

Basically I love having a toddler but am worried I shouldn't have another with my partner because he doesn't like it (he is willing to go again though, but he manifestly just doesn't like how our lives have changed). I just feel so bad for my daughter already that he doesn't enjoy her, and don't feel like I would be right to inflict that on a second, even though I would be there to love and enjoy them to bits... so I just don't understand the decision!

How does your DH enjoy parenthood? Is he hands on and involved?

As others have said, it gets easier. I had three in the space of 2.5 years and I look back now and wonder how the fuck I got through that. I was on autopilot every day and most of it is just a blur. They are all primary school aged now and mostly independent in the sense of getting dressed themselves, being able to get certain food themselves, bath themselves etc so I really don’t feel like I have to do much . I remember the days of being excited to go to the supermarket because it was something to do or being excited when a parcel arrived, it was the highlight of my CBeebies filled day.

It will get easier, I promise.

Thanks for your input @enniren...given that ds is here and this is the decision we made, your comments are 100% unhelpful and 1000% hurtful.

Don't you worry that you will inflict your poisonous attitude onto your perfect children?

To everyone else bar a few...thank you so much for your solidarity...it's been a dark few weeks and it nice to know that I am not alone.

To those who question my decision to have 2 children, we made this decision as we felt in the long term, although slot of short term.pain, there would be long term gain for not only our DD, but also us.

It's hard, but I do not regret having 2, not for 1 second, I simply regret that I find it so hard. I believe you can be both, even if some others on this board see it as a mistake.

Ennirem I wonder

This thread and another one closely related (that you have also commented on) has got me thinking. I have delibarately chosen not to try for another child until my son is over 3 because I know how I am and how hard young babies are.

When I had my son my reality was given a hard slap, despite years of babysitting and being around young babies and children. But I've enjoyed motherhood 99% of the time. Before having him I knew I probably wouldn't cope well with the whole '2 under 2' scenario. Honestly it sounds like a living nightmare and I'm not surprised many women here with more than one very young child looks to be the group with the most negative outlook. Not trying to be divisive, just my opinion.

sar302 we also have the same life! I feel my brain has turned to mush since becoming a mum. I've started writing my book too, good luck with yours

I had ds2 when ds1 was 5 years old. I was very lucky in that both boys were a dream. Well behaved, slept well, ate well, ds1 could play by himself or read a book etc. HOWEVER, I couldn't wait to get back to work when ds2 was 6 months old. I craved adult conversation throughout the day. I wasn't a go to baby group type of mum, as I found once i had done the school run, come home and done washing etc, played with ds2, fed him etc it was school pick up time again.

What I'm trying to say (probably badly) is that, even those of us who have really easy babies and children, still have those moments of 'give me some sanity!'. I hand on heart don't know how I would have managed with 2 so close together🤷🏻‍♀️ So hats off to you!

But now those two little ones are 18 & 14. The challenges are still there but in different ways. But I miss them being little so so much. People will tell you 'make the most of it they will not be little long'. I used to roll my eyes at that. But you know what, they were right. They are little for a tiny amount of their life. Make the most of every moment. Before you know it you will be looking back at this time!!

Ennirem like the OP I chose to have two children very close together even though I didn't enjoy the first. Even though I didn't (and still don't) enjoy the baby stage I'm pretty sure I'll enjoy them more when they're older as I already enjoy my toddler so much more now she's talking. I did it because I knew one child would never be enough and I didn't want DD1 to be an only child. So I wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible - short term pain for long term gain. Your DH will most likely relate better to your DD the older she gets, mine was rubbish with our first but now that she can talk and is more fun he really enjoys her. Having a second won't change the things your DH is unhappy about, your lives have changed regardless if you have one or two so if you want another I'd go for it. Although if you think your DH is not going to change as she gets older and it could mean you split up then obviously I'd think long and hard about whether you could manage two children as a single parent.

Thanks for your input @enniren*...given that ds is here and this is the decision we made, your comments are 100% unhelpful and 1000% hurtful.

Don't you worry that you will inflict your poisonous attitude onto your perfect children?*

Very very sorry to have upset you OP, I should have thought how it would come across. Not my intention. It's my own issue because as I say I'm currently facing the possibility that I may not have another (I'd desperately love to) just because I feel my OH does not enjoy parenthood, and unlike yourself and him I am not optimistic that his POV is going to change as she gets older (I hope but I can't be sure) so I'm not sure if I can take the risk of making him even more miserable by having another, as I worry about the effect on the little ones. So I'm gutted about it, and my mind revolves on it a lot, and my question was basically hoping your answer could magically convince me it would be totally fine to just have another one, despite my concerns!

I absolutely wasn't trying to come of perfect parent or piss on your chips. I'm really sorry.

Re the 'perfect children' snipe though that's pretty uncalled for. She's not perfect, but she's perfect to me and I love having her and being with her and I want another so badly. And actually yes, I do worry all the time that my (and my DH's) attitudes and behaviour will harm her. I didn't have kids for a long time, and for a long time thought I'd never have them, as I didn't think I was 'good enough' mentally or emotionally. I (over?)think this stuff all the time; but only because I care a great deal!

@Peakypush I found that incredibly helpful to read, thank you very much. I really didn't mean it as criticism, genuinely trying to thrash it all out in my head, so thanks for sharing your decision making process and experience.

@ennirem...I think we both just got the end of the stick and I can relate to the things you say.

I agree with pp that if your dh is unhappy now then adding another to the mix is going to not really make much difference.

It was more important to me that DD had a sibling, than me being happy in the short term. I knew by the time DD was school age of I hadn't had another there would be no way in hell of be going back to this, so we cracked on with another asap to remain in baby land for as short a time as possible.

Even on my darkest days I know I will be glad we had them close in the long run, especially when they are only a year apart at school.

But getting through this baby but is hard, my marriage is hanging on by a thread, and I just hope I can keep it all together.

@Namechangemum100 I really do sympathise, I couldn't hack two under two but your logic under the circs is actually solid - get the tough bit out of the way all at once! One of DH's stipulations is no second one until first one actually sleeps in the night... but I'm thinking "If I was actually getting more than 3 hours sleep at a time, would I be able to bring myself to going back to this madness??"

I was not quite two years younger than my sister and growing up with her so close was gold in my life and still is. You have given your children a huge gift by giving them a sibling close in age, and its a sacrifice for you. I feel really bad that I sounded critical before. And oh my God yes it's hard sometimes even with one... even if you love the baby/toddler stage! Any time she gets the lurgy I wonder how we're all going to survive with our tempers intact! So with two I think you're more than entitled to feel fully frazzled.