To ask if there is anyone out there that finds being a mum soooooo hard?

[Namechangemum100]

I'm 30, have 2 DC, DD is 18 months and ds is 4 months.

I love my children, I really do, but I find being a mum so damn hard.

Everyday is a slog, and I often wonder how on earth I am going to make it to the end of the day.

The days are long....sooooo long

Baby groups are boring, and full of mums who just seem to love every minute of it.

Days are filled with meaningless tasks like going to a shopping centre just to buy a new grobag even though you could have bought it online but at least it gave your day some kind of a purpose.

Everyone around me seems to love it, seems to cope, dreads their children growing up, and I'm just here wondering when my life will ever resemble something somewhat normal. Where days aren't filled with screaming, crying, picking up, putting down, picking up again, nappies, food that doesn't get eaten, mess...eugh it's never ending.

Please tell me it's not just me...please!

Mine are 1 and 2 (18 month gap) and it is really bloody hard. I struggle most with the aimlessness of having to fill each day when they are only entertained by activities for about 5 mins a time

. I am looking forward to going back to work when free hours kick in. Not because I don't love my children, but because it'll give a better dynamic to our family and more of a sense of purpose for the full days we do spend together.

5 days per week on my own with them is a lot of time to fill- especially with a super clingy toddler and a daredevil baby

YY to the supermarket being a trip out! I had to confess to DH when youngest was about 6months that out joint account was only just breaking even I took so many trips to Tesco

Its so hard sometimes. The drudgery, the tiredness.

You are surely at the hardest bit, two so close together no wonder you are finding it hard! I am sure it gets better. My twins have just turned two and it is getting easier and more fun!!😂

Why did you have baby no. 2 if you so dislike it? I always wonder that...

I did it because they are only babies for a little while, then they become bigger children then adults. You don't have to enjoy the baby bit. You can enjoy having children even if you hated the baby bit. That's allowed.

Some of us can see that even though we don't enjoy the first few bits we are going to enjoy future bits.

It is hard. You have such a small age gap, you are a rock star. I found going from 1 to 2 children really really difficult.

I think there is something wrong with me though. We have four, ages 6,4,2 and 6 months. I gave up a full time city job last year (where I had been since a graduate and taken 3 maternity leaves) and have been at home since then (including 5 months of pregnancy). We don’t have any family by to help and diff school / nursery logistics have made things hard. BUT since June we have a 4 day nanny and we also have a lady who comes in part time to clean and do laundry.

I feel like I literally never sit down. I am totally touched out. I am chronically sleep deprived - waking up a couple
times a night at least. The 2 yr old has been waking in the night for months now (before baby) and is up for the day at 5am every day - the baby sleeps better. My marriage is suffering. I have lost all sense of myself. I have no time for hobbies. I feel like a failure as I now have lots of help and still it is hard. I have a stone of baby weight left to lose. Wtf is wrong with me? Serious question.

It is so fucking hard. That's why I only have one and I applaud you for having a sibling for your first child because I regret that now - but I just couldn't face it again.

DS is 14 now and it's still hard. I love him to bits but sometimes I don't like him very much.

My favourite time was when he was about 4. He had stopped whining so much but we could have a conversation and he was a bit more independent. Now he's 14 its back to whining and telling me I know nothing...

CarriesNecklace let me guess, does your OH work long hours?

Me. I have DS2.5 and currently pregnant, something I'm regretting. It's so hard, I get do little joy from it.

Semester long-ish but not insane; leaves at about 7am and if he comes straight home back between 6:30/7 but often (and increasingly since the baby arrived... tho to be fair did also coincide with a promotion) has stuff after work (presentations, some travel, work nights out) later. Expects dinner on the table, something else I am not doing enough.

I feel you OP. Some days they've only just woken up but it's already so full-on I'm counting down the hours until bedtime!

Yes it’s hard. I only have one and work full time. But it’s just
Relentless

I admire and applaud the women here who have decided to have siblings so close together in age.

I have one almost 2 year old and find everyday a struggle. I wonder if I’m a bad mum as I’m going through a phase (that’s what I’m telling myself) of not enjoying life. I miss my old life and career which I had to give up to be a sahm. Sometimes I can go a whole weekend without actually having an adult conversation.

I love my daughter more than anything in this world yet this ‘being a mum’ is the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I’m frequently told that it gets easier.

I’m relieved to have read this thread as it brings some solace that I’m not the only one feeling the struggle.

We have a 15 month age gap between two of our DCs, who are now 2 and 3, the early days were definitely tough!

I found the toddler really liked soft play areas. So I would take her to a tots session for a pound or two a few times a week. Like PP I found (and still find) it very difficult to go anywhere that involves walking with them as they have never been keen on buggies and generally just cause havoc.

It 100% get easier though. We really turned a big corner about 4 months ago. I know this will sound awful, but I think it was when my youngest started being interested in the odd cartoon. I limit the amount he watches, obviously. But it's so handy to stick on Masha and the Bear for half an hour when I'm making dinner (which I previously found very, very stressful with two babies underfoot).

I think once they're over two it's a lot easier. My eldest is 9 and he's been a piece of cake for ages now. I enjoy being a mother to older kids nearly all the time. Being a mother to babies and toddlers, however, is sometimes a bit of an endurance.

You have a very small age gap and your children are tiny. Go easy on yourself. I'd hate it too.

Try to find time to yourself - even if it's to read a book

Mine are 9 and 14 now btw

I will admit now that my baby is two I like him a lot more than when he was a little one

I am also looking forward to him growing up and getting some of my ME back

Don't feel bad, I've had days where I thought I've made a big mistake I'm not up to this I'm not cut out for it, I've just not got it in me, why am I being trusted to do this

You're not alone xxxxxxxx

CarriesNecklace that's a long day for you to cope with four small children on little sleep. Don't feel bad at all, and actually I think it's very sensible to take all the help you can get.

In a few years time it will be wonderful to have four children so close together - just getting through this bit is really tough.

My twins are 22 months old. Would absolutely never have chosen to have two close together so it has been a baptism of fire. Right now I literally can’t take them anywhere on my own because they hate being in the buggy, but run in opposite directions to the two most dangerous things in the vicinty immediately.

Today I put them in the play pen while I cleaned for MiL visit and one helped the other liberate some shit from his nappy. They were both covered in it and finding it highly entertaining.

I can’t wait for them to be a bit bigger (and hopefully more compliant!)

Yep. Unbelievably hard when they're little. Two-year olds are awesome, whereas I found having a small baby pretty ghastly. Can't even begin to imagine coping with two of them yet. Chirpy mothers at baby groups are mostly faking it imo.

@semster yes but I have help, am not on my own now. In some ways having the help makes me feel worse 🙄 I know how massively privileged I am though.

I just wish I could sort the two year olds sleep out (am trying). It is having a huge impact!

Yes!!!

My first two were also 14 months apart.

And then after a three year gap, I had another two, 19 months apart.

I love them, they all love each other but I am exhausted! And my place is a tip.

As much as I love it, and I really do, it is very bloody hard!

This brings back memories! My two were 16 months apart. Some days I felt I’d spent the whole day on my knees on the changing mat, as they took turns to fill nappies.
I thought it would get easier as they got older- but DH died of a brain haemorrhage when DD1 was 2 and DD2 was 11 months, so it didn’t. Trying to work to earn a living as well as raise them on my own while grieving was a tough gig.

I was you once...my mum said it will pass. . I couldn't see it at the time, felt lije I was the only perdon who lived in my estate during the day. Hated smug mum toddlers etc but it did and they are 20 and 16 now and I'm trying to hang on to them. I feel like I wished their babyhoods away. Much more manageable and fun as they progress out if nappies go to nursery and school etc. Sending much warmth and understanding

Hi OP. I have 2 ds. One is 2 and one is 4 months old.
If I'm totally honest I don't really struggle with it, however I am pretty regimental in my routines. When we potty trained ds1 we stayed home for 3 solid days and I literally nearly lost my mind.
Here is what I do -
Monday - meet a friend or family in the morning and do toddler group in afternoon
Tuesday - toddler group in morning and park in afternoon or meet friends with kids
Weds - ds1 nursery all day. Have some chill time with Ds2 and do shopping and chores
Thursday - same as weds
Friday - go to a free sing and play group at library and then go to Costa
Weekends - dh is home so we go swimming / visit friends and family / parks / bike rides etc

I don't deviate too much from this routine. It means that I have stuff to do every day and therefore the days don't seem long. Ds1 dropped his nap when ds2 came along which made things harder to fill the time so I just make lunch more fun now by doing teddy bears picnics etc to drag it all out.

Is nursery an option even for 1 morning a week for u to break it up slightly? Those 2 days are kind of what keep me sane if I'm honest as even though I still have the baby, I feel like it's me time!

I know you said you dont like toddler groups but toddlers be honest you don't have to go to make friends. One that I go to people still don't talk to me and I've been going 5 months! But I don't care at all. I enjoy it as ds1 plays for 1.5 hrs quietly while I drink coffee and catch up on my phone and the baby sleeps in his pushchair.

Costa is good for time out as babyccinos are free. I get a small coffee for me too and me and ds1 share a small cake. Costs about £4 and keeps him entertained for an hour. I take mini jigsaws to keep him entertained. He will actually ask me to go to Costa as he sees it as a treat.

Don't be hard on yourself, motherhood is hard. Nothing can ever prepare you!

Oh my god @babdoc