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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make him come home?

101 replies

Divette · 26/07/2018 11:27

DS is 12. He struggles with friendships due to issues in his background and so far these holidays has been moving around at home. When he does go out (to school or occasionally with friends), he is usually really great at letting me know where he is and coming home on time. Yesterday evening he had a text from an old primary school friend asking him to go to his house. I was really pleased for him and asked him just to let me know when he’d arrived (approx 15 mins on his bike). He didn’t. I asked had he arrived and he apologised. I told him if he did that again he would have to come home as I need to know he’s safe. They made arrangements for today and she was so excited. Got himself up and dressed and had breakfast and cake to tell me he was leaving. I said again he must let me know when he arrived. He didn’t. I messaged him to ask had he arrived and he phoned me so apologetic, he had planned to let me know but got distracted etc etc. I told him to come home. He is devastated as they have plans with other friends from primary school and is begging for one more chance. Do I give in and let him stay? Am I being too harsh anyway?

OP posts:
Original poster
Divette · 26/07/2018 11:39

Ffs. I’m NOW trying to get in touch with him!

OP posts:
Horrordoeurvres · 26/07/2018 11:39

Struggles with friendships yet you tear him away from his friends because he got excited (as all kids do) and forgot to call you.
Cut the umbilical cord already and let him enjoy his holidays..

SparklyMagpie · 26/07/2018 11:40

Poor kid :(

Haberpop · 26/07/2018 11:41

Grin Don't you just love predictive text!

VladmirsPoutine · 26/07/2018 11:42

Poor kid. Even just reading that sounds exhausting. Give the kid a break!

Maryzsnewaccount · 26/07/2018 11:42

It's not a fail. It's a learning experience Smile

Give him a few quid and send him back; tell him to tell them he had to pop home because he forgot his money/to feed the dog/whatever. Give him an out and hopefully he'll go back.

Wait a few days and talk about it. And then again next week ... and the week after ... until he's about 27 and discovered a bit of common sense.

Starlighter · 26/07/2018 11:43

Wow! You asked for opinions OP, you got them! And tactful, carefully worded ones too. No need for that reaction... Confused

SparklyMagpie · 26/07/2018 11:43

You say he'd struggled with friends, why would you ruin that for him? This has actually made me feel sad. He was probably having thrntime of his life with his friend

SparklyMagpie · 26/07/2018 11:44
  • the time
Original poster
Divette · 26/07/2018 11:44

Which reaction Starlighter? Maybe you misread.

OP posts:
RestingButchFace · 26/07/2018 11:45

Way too harsh, poor boy. I hope he isn't on the way home and you can contact him before he sets off. Maybe change the rule for next time that you message him and he calls you straight back? Means you are not worrying that he arrived and he doesn't forget and have hi day ruined. He is a kid who was so excited to go and he just forgot, he didn't wilfully disobey you.

MeridianB · 26/07/2018 11:45

Give him a chance. He s 12. It's school holidays. He s excited about seeing friends and having plans. He got distracted.

^^This

TrudeauGirl · 26/07/2018 11:46

Yes I'm sorry that was too harsh. Hopefully be won't be too upset if he's coming home.

Next time just have a talk when he's back and let him have his fun day. Hopefully you can get in touch and he can stay with his friends.

BalthazarImpresario · 26/07/2018 11:46

If he has a smartphone install life 360 on it, that way you can track him.

I wouldn't do it without his knowledge though, just my opinion but it's good to be open about these things.

Donkeydoo · 26/07/2018 11:47

I read it and thought ah that's a bit harsh but actually I think you are right. I have 4 DC and when the oldest DS goes out ( also 12) I need to know they've got there ok and I don't want to have to be worrying and carting the others about just to double check.

So I think I'd make him come home tell him this is his last chance and then let him go again.

Crinkle77 · 26/07/2018 11:51

Don't make him come home. I was also going to suggest setting a reminder on his phone. If he forgets you can always call him. The fact that he answers is good so he is obviously not doing it on purpose. Or perhaps he does not want to feel stupid ringing his mum in front of his mate. If that is the case tell him to call you when he is 1 minute away.

Etino · 26/07/2018 11:52

Do yo bothe have iphones? Enable Find friends with his knowledge and it removes so much are they ok stress

ChilliPowderMild · 26/07/2018 11:53

Why don't you and he share locations on the phone. Cue lots of MNetters shrieking 'invasion of privacy!' But my teens (youngest now 16) quite happily share location with me.
Why, once dd even checked where I was and put the kettle on to have a cuppa ready for me. That only happened once though.
They have found it as useful as me over the years - if I don't reply to a text asking me to transfer extra funds to their bank account in the next few minutes, they can easily check and see that I'm driving so won't be replying. If I'm collecting them from a busy event, they can make their way to the way without me standing on the bonnet and shrieking.
As we moved on to no-babysitter status, they were reassured if they could see where I was and when I was on my way home.

Chasingcars123 · 26/07/2018 11:55

Encourage him in every way to make friends. It sounds like your own insecurities are driving this. Making friends is an invaluable skill and brings so much to developing a happy, confident person.

Don't let your issues stunt your child's development. Let some joy into your life.

RideOn · 26/07/2018 11:56

I'd let him stay, I think he knows you are serious.

Also you are right to ask him to check in with you, but not doing it doesn't sound deliberate/mean /dangerous - all the stuff that might need a consequence/punishment.

UpstartCrow · 26/07/2018 11:56

If he can't remember to text you to let you know he arrived then he has to allow you to see his location on his phone, and agree to keep his phone with him.

Billben · 26/07/2018 11:58

Your poor son 😢

TooTrueToBeGood · 26/07/2018 12:00

I really don't see why you need to insist on him calling you when he arrives TBH so the issue of him forgetting is a moot point for me.

Hospitaldramafamily · 26/07/2018 12:05

The poor little fella. He probably feels like the odd one out already and you've gone and made him that.

I do get what you were trying to do, OP, with consequences etc. But I'd pick my battles in future

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 26/07/2018 12:07

Did he come home?