Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to pay for petrol with the joint account?

75 replies

silver940 · 25/07/2018 20:10

DP doesn't drive - he could never be bothered to put the work and effort in, basically. I however, knew one of us needed to, so I put the effort in and passed my test, paying for all the lessons myself, obviously.

I bought a car, paid for the insurance, tax, breakdown cover and general maintenance. BUT I pay for petrol (roughly £60 a month) out of the joint account. We both put money in the joint account for bills and rent, and have separate accounts for other expenses. There is always quite a bit of money left so I pay for petrol using this.

Up to now it hasn't been a problem, but now DP is complaining. He says I should use my own money to pay for petrol, as I use my car to drive to work. This is true, but I also give him lifts here and there, drive to the big supermarket once a week (about 5 miles away) for the big weekly shop, and drive to his parents house once a month (30 odd miles away). The way I see it, he's benefitting from me being the driver (whereas he doesn't drive), but doesn't have to actually pay for the car, insurance etc etc. I pay for all those things.

AIBU to think what I do is fair? I should also add, he makes about triple what I do, and we both put set amounts in the joint account. After we've put this money in, I have about £500 to spend on myself/essentials/savings whereas he has about £1500, sometimes more. He has to pay for his train fare (£150 out of this), but he still has significantly more cash.

OP posts:

Pippylou · 25/07/2018 20:13

Please have my first ever LTB.

Really? What are you going to do if you have kids? Blimey.

No trips for him at all, running a car is expensive. Why should he get the benefit? Or charge him the Uber rate?

Hidillyho · 25/07/2018 20:14

I pay for petrol out of joint account but my DP uses his own money.
I think it’s fair.
To be honest though I’m the type of person who would make him get the train/taxi to places so he could see how much a car benifits you as well

AnnieOH1 · 25/07/2018 20:14

I'd say it's unfair that his public transport fares aren't coming out of the same account personally. I get what you're saying about benefiting the household but at the end of the day it's your choice to own and run a car. If it were me I would either cut down personal spending between the pair of you and move all transport costs into the joint account or move them into personal accounts. The latter seems more "room mate" than long term relationship though.

Original poster

silver940 · 25/07/2018 20:17

@AnnieOH1 Running a car is a necessity where I am, the nearest big shop is 5 miles away. His train fare comes out of his account because it's £150 as opposed to £60, and I don't benefit from his train ticket whereas he constantly benefits from my car.

OP posts:

Theworldisfullofgs · 25/07/2018 20:17

Fair enough.
However you need to charge him the going rate for lifts. If he doesn't come with you to do the shopping you also need to add a service charge for your time etc.
But then we have a joint account and share everything. (20 years married today).

LaMainDeFatima · 25/07/2018 20:18

He sounds mean

SoapOnARoap · 25/07/2018 20:18

If he can get his fares paid for out of the joint account, I don’t see a problem

TooTrueToBeGood · 25/07/2018 20:18

Honestly, if he's really arguing over something so petty (taking your respective circumstances into account) god help the relationship when any real issues need resolved.

CoffeebyIV · 25/07/2018 20:19

YANBU!! I don’t drive, I physically can’t but DH does but he is not my personal chauffeur. I pay half of all petrol costs and have made him put all car related direct debits on our joint account. I also split the mot and any repairs 50/50. I see it as something he does for both of us so only fair to pay my share

AnnieOH1 · 25/07/2018 20:20

I actually don't agree that you need a car, and I suspect that he'll be thinking along similar lines, in that if you weren't there he would just be able to get a grocery delivery.

Original poster

silver940 · 25/07/2018 20:23

@AnnieOH1 we will have to agree to disagree, but living in rural areas without a car is very difficult. Also, he's dead against getting grocery deliveries so that's not an option either.

OP posts:

mrsfarmsrswife · 25/07/2018 20:23

I think taking only the petrol money is generous.

AnnieOH1 · 25/07/2018 20:26

@silver940 - I completely agree, rural Derbyshire here - but your other half is obviously making it work for him (not having a car)...

Marylou2 · 25/07/2018 20:29

I doubt that this is about money. Obviously I don’t know your DH but is it possible that he feels threatened and slightly foolish that you can drive and he can’t? I don’t know any adult , married men that don’t drive and own a car. Most men would be humiliated in this situation. Of course he’s being unreasonable.

LeighaJ · 25/07/2018 20:30

I can't drive in the UK, my husband and I split it 25%/75% because of occasional lifts to work and grocery store trips and trips to see family etc.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 25/07/2018 20:31

So you take your commuting costs but he doesn't? To make it fair either both come out or none.

The supermarket shop could be done online so not justification for a car whatsoever.

rollingonariver · 25/07/2018 20:31

Stop running him about and stop doing the shopping, order food online - what's he going to do about it. When he complains explain it's your own money you're buying petrol with, I think he'll change his tune.

Original poster

silver940 · 25/07/2018 20:31

I don't think he cares that he can't drive, he's had many opportunities to learn (his dad even offered to pay for lessons), but he wasn't bothered. He's always had people give him lifts so he didn't feel a need to.

OP posts:

FuckMePinkAndCallMeCedric · 25/07/2018 20:33

He benefits massively from you being able to drive, even without you driving him places. You drive to work where you earn money that then goes back into the family pot.

He’s an idiot.

LeahJack · 25/07/2018 20:34

If you take your work travel expenses out of the joint account then he should be able to take his travel out of the joint account to. I think it’s really a little bit sneaky to start charging something (work travel expenses) to a common pot when you know your partner isn’t doing the same.

And I know Mumsnet wisdom is that as soon as a man starts living with a woman he should hand over 50% of his salary without complaint, but in reality I think for a cohabiting couple without children it’s perfectly reasonable to split free spending along income lines.

I know you are going to get a succession of posters telling you to LTB. But by the same token if the sexes were reversed here the same people would be shouting cocklodger.

Lisaloolops · 25/07/2018 20:35

If you were both struggling for money I could understand how resentment about who is paying out the most would occur, but as you are not, it concerns me that he is so hung up on this, especially as he has plenty! He may have a valid (ish) point now but Imagine if you had children and you went part time. This would make me look long and hard at our relationship I'm afraid x

LeahJack · 25/07/2018 20:35

You drive to work where you earn money that then goes back into the family pot.

So by that logic his travel for the same should also be deducted from family money.

Imchlibob · 25/07/2018 20:36

tbh I just think it's weird to be married and keep financed separate. You are supposed to be "a unit" and share everything - otherwise you are just housemates with benefits.

But failing that it's fine for you to pay petrol, mot and car maintenance costs from the joint account and he should pay all his public transport costs from the joint account too.

MissCharleyP · 25/07/2018 20:39

AnnieOH1 it’s only working for him as OP and everyone else are giving him lifts! I suspect he’d find it didn’t work for him if he relied only on himself. Anyway OP, YANBU as he gets the benefit then the money should be out of joint account, or pay for it yourself and don’t give him lifts, do online shopping; if he doesn’t like it he’s more than welcome to do a ten mile round-trip with shopping on public transport....

Original poster

silver940 · 25/07/2018 20:39

@Imchlibob I pay for the MOT, insurance, breakdown cover, maintenance costs etc out of my own money. Altogether this cost me about £2k this year

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread