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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving 17 year old home alone for a week.

61 replies

Coulditbeme · 25/07/2018 11:35

I’m just asking for opinions really and what would you do.
Haven caravan holiday booked for our family next week.
Me, partner, 17 year old, 15 year old, 3 year old and 2 year old.
17 year old DS just announced he would rather not come. I appreciate that this would be his last family holiday with us.

I’d love him to come. It would get him out of his room and away from his Xbox for a start!
But having said that, I don’t want him to be bored & miserable for a week.

I haven’t actually left him overnight on his own before as yet but if it were a night or even a weekend I wouldn’t have a problem leaving him, it’s because it’s for a whole week that I’m very anxious about the thought of it.

What do you think? Insist he comes with us one last time or bite the bullet and leave him at home?
He’s sensible and I do trust him so no worries about him trashing the house.
Through my own fault I admit, he doesn’t know how to cook meals or use the washing machine as I have always just done it. 🙈
That’s a failing on my part I know.
I’m worried he will attempt to cook and not turn the cooker off or something like that!

OP posts:
multiplemum3 · 25/07/2018 11:36

I was left at that age, my mum just used to leave post it notes everywhere 😂

Euphemism · 25/07/2018 11:38

Considering you can leave home, get married, have babies at 16 then I’m sure he will be fine at 17.

If you really think he can’t cope then you should have been a better parent and made sure he had the skills to cope long before he got to 17.

TeaAndNoSympathy · 25/07/2018 11:40

God, he’s 17! Leave him at home if that’s what he wants. On the proviso he keeps the place clean and tidy - you don’t want to come back to a pit. If he doesn’t know how the washing machine works, show him. It will take all of 2 minutes. If he can’t cook, it won’t do him any harm to live on beans for a week. If you can’t trust a 17 year old not to burn the house down (assuming no SN) then something has gone wrong somewhere. Confused

amusedbush · 25/07/2018 11:41

I was left at home for four nights when I was 15, I'm sure he'll be fine. People go to university and move out at 17!

helforddreams · 25/07/2018 11:42

I understand as I have adult children with learning difficulties and autism. As adults they do not always wish to come on holiday with us, but equally unable to care for themselves at home. Paying for someone to look after them was the only possible option for us.

But assuming your son has no issues then I would not worry. I left my daughter and son (without special needs) home for a fortnight when they were 16. I remember my parents leaving me at 16 while they took the holiday of a lifetime for a month. Neither were problematic. Just feel the freezer for some easy to cook food.

PorkFlute · 25/07/2018 11:42

That’s a bit harsh. None of us are perfect parents and if the op has brought up a pleasant, trustworthy 17yo then she’s not gone far wrong.
I would leave him op. I lived in my own house at 17 and had travelled to another continent alone!
Could you maybe leave him some money to eat out with friends/get takeaways since he won’t be doing that with you on holiday? Either that or take the opportunity to teach him a couple of simple meals before you go?

Original poster
Coulditbeme · 25/07/2018 11:42

Yes I admit my failings on that score.
What can I say? I’ve just always done everything and time flies and before we know it here we are and he’s 17!
I’m not proud and I will be taking steps to rectify it now the realisation has hit me in the face but it can’t be achieved before next week haha.

OP posts:
Euphemism · 25/07/2018 11:45

It takes 5 minutes to show him how to use the washing machine. Write down the program for him if need be.
You have a week so each night get him to cook with your help. Simple things that don’t take long, or accept he’ll spend a week on pot noodles and chicken nuggets.
It won’t kill him.
Problem sorted.

MiniAlphaBravo · 25/07/2018 11:46

I think it’s fine to leave him and also an excellent opportunity to teach him how to use the washing machine and how to cook a few basic meals, maybe leave a few post its around for him as reminders for turning off the hob etc. I would emphasize to him that your expect to come back to a tidy house and if he isn’t prepared to keep in clean and tidy he has to come with you.

whatwouldyoubelikeat28 · 25/07/2018 11:47

I left home at 15...

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/07/2018 11:50

It’s fine, I’d leave him. He won’t need to use the washing machine in just a week will he? Just show him how to turn the oven on. He can cook something and have it with salad. Is he house bound? Ours would be as we are rural with no transport.

bananaboats · 25/07/2018 11:50

He'll be fine! I left home for uni at 17 & I couldn't use the washing machine or cook anything either!

SparkyTheCat · 25/07/2018 12:00

Only you know your DS Op. Some 17 year olds would be fine, others wouldn't. Have you any neighbours/nearby relatives or friends you could ask to keep an eye on things and a spare key?

kaytee87 · 25/07/2018 12:02

I moved out, was working and studying at 17.

Show him how to use the washing machine and cook basic meals before you go. Leave a list of instructions.

I think it's a shame for your 15yo though who will now be fed up on holiday.

bonzo77 · 25/07/2018 12:04

Leave him home with provisos, like what condition you expect the house and laundry to be in, a list of chores (water plants, mow grass, call in on elderly relatives). And keep in touch.

TuesdaysAreGrim · 25/07/2018 12:06

When my DBRO was 17 my DM point blank refused to leave him alone, not because he couldn't do any household things (he's a good cook, been doing his own laundry etc since he was young), but because she couldn't trust him not to have a party and trash the house.

runningkeenster · 25/07/2018 12:10

If you really think he can’t cope then you should have been a better parent and made sure he had the skills to cope long before he got to 17

PERFECT PARENT ALERT!
PERFECT PARENT ALERT!

*Leave him home with provisos, like what condition you expect the house and laundry to be in, a list of chores (water plants, mow grass, call in on elderly relatives). And keep in touch&

Seriously go on holiday and tell your son to mow the lawn? I know how I would have reacted to that! And how I'd react now, come to that.

eddiemairswife · 25/07/2018 12:12

Have left all of mine on their own at some time. Sometimes when they are older they have decided they would like to join us for part of the holiday.
Have you considered taking one of his friends with you?

TuesdaysAreGrim · 25/07/2018 12:12

Seriously go on holiday and tell your son to mow the lawn?

I don't think that's unreasonable at all to expect a member of the family to contribute to the maintenance of the house while the others are away. He could have gone too!!

I went on holiday on my own last year, should my DH have not done any cleaning while I was away? Confused

Cheto · 25/07/2018 12:12

I'd leave him , it's not like you're going abroad so IF u had to get back quickly for any reason it's a lot easier than being abroad ... it'll do him good ( no judgement here , my DS15 is the same , just about knows where the crisp cupboard is and that's it Wink)

HarrietSchulenberg · 25/07/2018 12:13

I have the same problem only my 17 YO is NOT trustworthy at all. He is flatly refusing to come camping with us (understandable) but we either leave him at home or don't go at all.

I am working on a bribery model of buying him trainers at the end of the week if he comes, but he is negotiating for the same trainers if he stays at home but doesn't trash the house. We are currently in deadlock.

Sorry, no advice but I can offer a bucket of sympathy.

AfterSchoolWorry · 25/07/2018 12:13

I dunno. I'd have had a wild party at 17. Will be do that?

Can't you bring him but let him bring the X-box ?

Doyoumind · 25/07/2018 12:15

How far away are you going? Could you bring him with you for a couple of days then put him on a train home? I think he would be ok by himself but it would mean you get that last holiday with him and are less stressed about a couple of days of him being alone.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 25/07/2018 12:18

I went to Switzerland to work in a hotel when I was 16. I'm sure a 17 year old will be fine at home alone for a week. Leave him a list of numbers in case of various problems, buy lots of milk and cereal for him (all my DSs seem to eat if left to their own devices) and enjoy your holiday!!

nokidshere · 25/07/2018 12:24

My biggest concern at that age would be friends and parties. I don't think mine would but teenagers have a habit of springing surprises.

Then of course he could surprise you by being absolutely fine and able to work it all out by himself.

I wouldn't leave a list of chores though. I like to come home to a clean and tidy house so I would do it anyway before I went. I would simply say you expect everything to be in the same state as you left it.

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