Leaving 17 year old home alone for a week.

[Coulditbeme]

I’m just asking for opinions really and what would you do.
Haven caravan holiday booked for our family next week.
Me, partner, 17 year old, 15 year old, 3 year old and 2 year old.
17 year old DS just announced he would rather not come. I appreciate that this would be his last family holiday with us.

I’d love him to come. It would get him out of his room and away from his Xbox for a start!
But having said that, I don’t want him to be bored & miserable for a week.

I haven’t actually left him overnight on his own before as yet but if it were a night or even a weekend I wouldn’t have a problem leaving him, it’s because it’s for a whole week that I’m very anxious about the thought of it.

What do you think? Insist he comes with us one last time or bite the bullet and leave him at home?
He’s sensible and I do trust him so no worries about him trashing the house.
Through my own fault I admit, he doesn’t know how to cook meals or use the washing machine as I have always just done it. 🙈
That’s a failing on my part I know.
I’m worried he will attempt to cook and not turn the cooker off or something like that!

I moved out as soon as I turned 16, and without much “training” in terms of cooking or how to use a washing machine. He’ll be fine, as long as you trust him not to throw a wild party.

HarriettSchulenberg why is he getting to call the shots? If he’s such a big man, he can’t move out, at least for whilst you’re away. Honestly, I pity his future girlfriends.

*can move out!

Obviously it depends on the 17 year old. At that age I had been away on holiday with friends and been left alone in the house. I'm sure he'll be fine, my only concern would be if he was likely to throw a party.

17 without experience of looking after an empty house, a week is far too long, mates find out, they organise a party and people just turn up, he has no idea how to deal with it.

Ditto domestic stuff, leak on washer or dishwasher or shower, powercut and re-setting everything, how to keep the place clean and tidy, how to operate everything safely, putting the house to bed routine, how to lock up, set the alarm, make sure all pets are where they should be fed watered and cleaned, just the kazillion things we all do day to day but don't realise our kids need to be taught these before being left.

By all means teach him and the 15 y.o. these things when you get back so they can be left independently, but to chuck him in at the deep end for so long whilst he's clueless wouldn't be a good move for any of you.

Coulditbeme Can I recommend the Sam Stern cookery books, they were written by a teenaged boy and are really good. I have three 20-something boys who have all used them.

I would probably not "insist" on his coming but try to have a sensible grown-up word and explain that, while I understood that the time of family holidays was coming to an end, that this one had been planned around the understanding that he would be coming and that I wouldn't be keen to change that at the last minute. Make clear that he won't be expected to spend the whole week doing toddler activities, but that you and his father would both like to spend time with him on what will probably be your last family holiday.

It's the last-minute nature of the request that wouldn't work for me - I would be perfectly happy to make alternative arrangements for a teen who said at the time the family holiday was originally being discussed that they'd rather not come, but I wouldn't be very pleased at them accepting the invitation to come with us and then deciding to pull out a few days in advance as the holiday will likely have been partially planned around their being present. You haven't been given a proper chance to decide whether or not you and DH are actually happy to leave your house in his charge (this is not at all the same thing as a 17-year-old moving out to their own place, as BlankTimes illustrates above), and it may well spoil the holiday for your 15-year-old, who has been expecting to be one of a pair of teenagers and will now be quite isolated age-wise in comparison with the rest of the family. So yes, I would try to find out what he's worried about and make a proper effort to ensure that he has a nice time too and isn't bored, but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that he should stick to the original arrangement.

Your son may be sensible but I agree with BlankTimes about others hearing about family being away and deciding on having a 'party'. Puts son in a scary situation. If he mentions on Facebook family are away, open house without his being aware of it.

Chuck him some ready meals in the fridge that can be microwaved and leave a loaf of bread for lunch. Job done. Laundry doesn't need doing in a week as the rest of you will be away anyway.

Could he go and stay with a friend for the week or have one stay with him in the house? Will he freak out during the night if totally alone? Is there someone you could ask to check up on him once or twice?

What will your 15 year old do without him? Will they be pissed off that he's not there?

Time for him to start learning how to cook and use the washing machine I guess!

But him a sandwich toaster, some pot noodles and money for a couple of takeaways. He will be fine!

In another year he may be off to Uni and living on his own. At 17 you need to start treating him as an adult and as you have already said he is trust worthy, leaving him home alone should not be an issue.

My parents went off to Florida for 2 weeks when I was 16. I was fine.

If he really does not want to go and you trust him then, them leave him at home. Show him how to use the washing machine, it won't take a minute. Record him a video of what to press if that helps :)

Do you have a basic cookbook you can leave for him with the fridge stocked up? Failing that, just make sure theres plenty of bread and bacon for bacon butties, some soup and beans for lunch, a bit of money for a couple of pizzas/take away and a few ready meals as these are not half bad these days.

You can always face time him every night and make sure hes switched off the cooker!

It amazes me how immature some peoples kids are on here that they cant be trusted to be left at home for a week at 17!! wtaf. I lived alone at 16 in my own council flat! pathetic.

A babysitter for a 17 year old 😂

I was living with a partner, had two babies and was pregnant with my third at 17. I'm sure he'll be fine!

Left 16 year old home alone while I was away on work trip recently.

Lots of texting of instructions on how long to cook pasta, use the washing machine etc. But he was fine.

Older son stopped coming on holidays with me and DS2 at 15, but he went and stayed with his Dad rather than being on his own, but he's just not into holidays and Ds2 and I have more fun without him.

Posters saying "I did x,y,z" at 17 - what exactly is the relevance of your contribution? The OP's son is not you.

I too shall be leaving my DD17 for four days. She's perfectly capable of cooking for herself, using washing machine etc. I just worry that she'll be anxious on her own at night. And yes, I have suggested she has friends over. I get you OP.

I was left at 16 whilst the family went off to the Norfolk Broads. However, I am now facing the same dilemma with my 16 year old DD and have come round to the fact that if I don't take her I will be constantly worrying about her ability to cope. Twice in the last week she had forgotten to turn the oven off and she had put plastic utensils on the induction hob whilst still hot. I don't have to worry about friends as she doesn't have any but for peace of mind I am making her come with me. Maybe next year!

It really is a different world for today’s teenagers, isn’t it?

At 17, I had a part time job, had passed my driving test, travelled on my own into the city every day and went on holiday with my mates. I was in many ways already an adult. My parents wouldn’t have thought twice about leaving me at home for a week. It’s amazing how today’s 17 year olds are treated as children.

I can understand why he wants to stay at home I wouldn’t want to go on a caravan holiday at any age especially if I was 17.

I wouldn't have any issue leaving my DD at home but equally I know other parents who wouldn't dream of it because they would worry too much about what they'd come back to. Nothing to do with them being 17 either, just about their general lack of trustworthiness.

You'll have to leave him at some point so a week away in the same country with a neighbour just keeping an eye on things should be fine.

It's quite last minute for letting you know! Could you compromise by coming with you for a few days? Even if he can't cook a few days of takeaways and ready meals won't hurt