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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comment from director at work

153 replies

Karting1967 · 25/07/2018 06:27

Yesterday evening one of the directors at work emailed me to do something. Clearly it could have waited till today but it only took 10 minutes, I had my laptop out anyway plus it was more convenient to do it there and then as I’ll be out of the office most of today.

His reply (copied to the other 3 directors) was “Watch TV and do this tomorrow! Thanks anyway you nutter!”

Am I overreacting to think that was an unnecessary comment?

OP posts:
81Byerley · 26/07/2018 20:21

You are taking it the wrong way, and I can't understand why. Imagine him saying it with a big grin on his face. I'd have laughed if I'd got that message!

dorisdog · 26/07/2018 20:52

I think it's condescending. He's a director, so is in a higher position than you, so can wield a bit of power. He emailed you, out of hours, and then treats you like you've done something weird by responding out of hours. And cc'd in other directors. Why? To do a bit of virtue signalling? Show what a 'chilled out entertainer' he is? It's incongruous behaviour and a bit gaslight-y.

However, I don't think you should dwell on it - just note it for future reference.

The thing is, it would be nice to reply with a rude-jokey response - too late now, you dickhead But that's the problem when someone is in a more powerful position to you. They can say stuff like that, and you can't. And that's why it feels weird.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 26/07/2018 21:03

Utter rot, an informal colloquialism framed as patronising power grab
The only thing wielded here is the op lack of perspective and being touchy

NalderAndCollier · 26/07/2018 21:06

OP you are massively overthinking this. It was a throwaway comment and meant nothing in my view. I'd forget it. TBH I wouldn't have picked up on the point in the first place.

Iseveryusernametaken · 26/07/2018 21:15

He was being nice for goodness sake! He was making it clear to you and the other Directors that he doesn't expect it. If it were the other way around and you were expected to drop everything outside of working hours to complete, you really would have a complaint.

Plainlycrackers · 26/07/2018 21:22

Chill OP, he’s trying to be lighthearted in his thanks for putting yourself out... If he had said it out loud to you it would have been in a jovial upbeat way... email is deadly for sucking the personality out of a statement. He was trying to be nice but unfortunately, read deadpan, his words sound less light than he intended. Just MHO Smile

JamForBrains · 26/07/2018 22:00

I agree with plainly crackers. He was just being nice and grateful. Maybe he should have used Grin on the end so you got what he meant.

Shewhomustbeobeyed1 · 26/07/2018 22:34

You’re overreacting. He was being nice. Not worth a post.

FannyFaceAche · 26/07/2018 22:38

Maybe he fancies you? How about that?

×couldn't think of anything else to say, if my boss sent me that response I'd laugh my head off and then get on with my life tbh.

Maelstrop · 26/07/2018 22:39

Nutter? I’d be very pissed off at that word being used. Totally unprofessional, particularly copied to 3 other directors. A quiet word in his ear, maybe.

DesertSky · 26/07/2018 22:44

I think it’s meant tongue in cheek in a humorous/endearing way and he’s saying he didn’t mean for you to do it now - that he does expect you to have a social life. I really wouldn’t give it a second thought.

sar501 · 26/07/2018 23:19

He sounds nice and you are being over sensitive

REOLay · 26/07/2018 23:49

Nutter really needs to go the way of the many other colloquial light hearted banter things that are actually just derogatory terms. Personally, I really strongly object to it, and if someone used it around me in a professional situation I would, and have, asked them not to use it again.

Amazed how many are dismissive of its origin and meaning. Let alone saying he was just being nice!

REOLay · 26/07/2018 23:55

Calling the op touchy and sensitive is just so depressingly typical of how women are characterised when objecting to being patronised or treated unprofessionally to "banter". Really disappointing to see it running through this thread so strongly.

OP, you are entitled to respectful communication in work emails and it's ok to say that you found that email less than respectful, including the context of needlessly by copying in other senior staff.

ScrubTheDecks · 27/07/2018 00:16

Interestingly, rather than patronising her as a woman I think he was communicating with her more like he would do with a male colleague.

Which of course brings its own complications.

I am a female boss and I would send a message like that to a female colleague, a team member ‘one step down ‘ if I had a good relationship with them.

RoboticSealpup · 27/07/2018 09:13

Who the hell talks like that, anyway? 'Nutter' sounds like something an actor in a movie by Madonna's ex (whatever his name is) would say.

nearlyhellokitty · 27/07/2018 09:15

The point here is that it could be appropriate if the OP has this kind of banter relationship with the Director but as she obviously doesn't, it's really patronising, unprofessional and 'tone deaf' as others have said. Feels a bit like telling her to get back in her box and treating her as less professional than the male colleague. Agree it's a bit depressing that others in this thread don't get that - management can often undermine women with this kind of crap.

greendale17 · 27/07/2018 09:18

If you're a senior manager, you really should be able to gauge how to respond to an email like this. It's hardly a complex, multi-faceted problem.

^I agree

chicazteca · 27/07/2018 09:19

Kartin1967 "It takes a nutter to spot another nutter!" would have been my reply Grin

IrianOfW · 27/07/2018 09:31

I don't think there was malicious intent behind his response. On the face of it to looks like a possible slightly misjudged way of saying 'thanks for going above and beyond'. but also making it clear he doesn't expect you to work out of hours.

But only you know him and your relationship with him. Clearly something about this set alarm bells ringing so perhaps you need to answer your own question.

BTW I tend to agree with lyingwitch - it isn't always good to make yourself available. Your time is valuable and people need to know that.

Snowysky20009 · 27/07/2018 09:34

Mega over thinking here!

My MD would send me stuff at 2am and I'd reply with it shortly after. We would have banter that no one slept! I'd have emails off other Managers that would say things like 'I didn't expect you to do this now you tit' or 'thanks for that you nutter now go and sleep'. Likewise I will have sent loads to my team saying something similiar.

It's done to say 'thank you I appreciate that' whilst at the same time reminding you that you have a life outside of work and after a certain time that comes before work.

I guess it boils down to how your relationship with them is.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/07/2018 09:38

The comment was a bit unprofessional imo.

Tiredspice2 · 27/07/2018 09:45

What an over reaction over nothing! Honestly.

angelfacecuti75 · 27/07/2018 09:49

He's being nice and telling you not to work out of hours . That's nice and he's joking 're nutter bit

Midge75 · 27/07/2018 11:55

Oh my life! If I had received this message I honestly would have read it, chuckled, and been done with it. I honestly can't believe it's being analysed so much. He was basically saying 'Wow! Thank you for doing the job so quickly - I hadn't expected you to do it now. Have a nice evening.' But in a very informal way.

I wouldn't spend any more time worrying about it.

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