I think I’ve just found the cheekiest CF!

[QuinoaPhoenix]

A woman (she’s turning 27 but acts 12) I went to school with has posted the following on FB and I’m howling with laughter at the CFery of it all...edited out the identifying bits.

It's my birthday on [XXXX] and whilst I'm not EXPECTING presents, if anyone wants to get me something, here is my wishlist ✨

Makeup!!! - Eyeshadows from nyx cosmetics and liquid lipsticks from Smashbox are my favourites. I also love nail varnishes! (I've heard KIKO are the best.)

A phonecase - I’m kind of morally against SKINNYDIP after having worked for them but something similar to their stuff would be cool. I prefer the jelly/bendy ones to the hard metal or plastic ones cos at least if you drop your phone it will just bounce! I have found this really amazing girl on instagram who makes them (inspired by flower fairies and crystals and nature!) instagram.com/tuppencestore/
I’ll add some pics of the kind I like. I have an iPhone 6S.

A cute card holder - So I don’t lose my oyster card UH-GAIN.

A new purse - I mean, I really want a Vivienne Westwood one (hey, I never said this list had to be realistic, did I?) But if anyone’s feeling flush and thinks I’m worth £150, I’m after either the ‘Pimlico Long Card Holder’ or the ‘Balmoral Long Card Holder’ - I’ll let you choose (pics below.)

Tarot Cards - Just a traditional deck. Apparently you can’t buy cards for yourself or it skews the energy. However, if anyone wants to get me some, I will def accept their energy into my life!

Crystals/Candles - Always good for witch stuff.

Plants - I LOVE PLANTS

Anything from Urban Outfitters or Oliver Bonas - I especially love their homewares and trinkety things!

Exciting vegan snacks - e.g. crazy luxe stuff like lucuma nut butters, chia jam, booja booja chocolates (my absolute fave) just the kind of things I’d never buy for myself bc let’s be real I live off rice and veg.

More glittery socks? I like the Topshop ones the best ✨

I’m agog! Is this even a thing or AIBU

I wish I had people this entertaining in my feed!

😱 I hadn’t even clocked the leather purse/vegan thing!

I might have to comment...

Oops 😇

The above comment is someone suggesting she leave the tarot cards wrapped in some natural fibre in a drawer for a month 🤔

Candles don't strike me as being vegan either. Aren;t they made from tallow or beeswax?

My incredibly egocentric autistic son turns eleven soon. Even he doesn’t have this much brass neck. So far he’s asked for precisely fuck all.

He’s missing a trick! :o

I should have done this for my big birthday last year then I might not have got the .......(insert worst present you can imagine here)! But yes she is a very cheeky CF indeed.

Msg me her address. I want to get it ALL for her.

😂
Cheek motherfuckery.

hilarious

Oh Bugger, you’re supposed to be given tarot cards... so that’s where I’m going wrong
I think she missed out on the speed boat and bendable bully!

LOL! I love champagne vegans.

Silk ain't vegan either! Those silk worms are brown bread once they get the silk thread....

That's great list!

Why not a goat for an African farmer or Save a Whale?

Alternatively set up a Charity fund me page .... and post her comments

“I made a donation to charity in your name hun” xo

Definitely wouldn’t be EXPECTING that

Oh please go with a donation to charity!!!

I'd like to see her Santa list...

That is stunningly brazen 😂

You can get monthly boxes that deliver bacon through your letter box. Do it annonymously. I wouldn't normally be so bitchy but she asked for it not literally, like she asked for everything else

Of course you can buy Tarot cards for yourself!! People do it all the time!

So anything from Olover Bonas?
Here are a couple of recommendations OP!

Of course you can buy your own tarot cards, only someone very knew to the craft would believe otherwise! There is so much superstitious claptrap touted around now! oh Humpty, I do hope you were being ironic. 😂

Honestly OP I think you’re a bit of a cow........if you don’t get your wonderfully selfless, modest, ascetic friend the Vivenne Westwood purse!!!

The funniest thing is the actual contents. Reads like one of those privileged girls who's into hippie stuff but can't live without their phones

"Of course you can buy your own tarot cards, only someone very knew to the craft would believe otherwise! There is so much superstitious claptrap touted around now! oh Humpty, I do hope you were being ironic. 😂"

This made me chuckle more than the OP :)

omg too funny- this boy I knew, not even very well, when I said happy birthday he too sent me a birthday list with sizes... I was like um yeah no. So funny, id never do that. When people were even asking what to get us as a wedding present I was like oh nothing don't worry, don't know how people can do this. least it gives us a laugh!

Tag yourself at the VW store

Post pic of VW purse next to some succulents with the tag #treatingmyself