I think I’ve just found the cheekiest CF!

[QuinoaPhoenix]

A woman (she’s turning 27 but acts 12) I went to school with has posted the following on FB and I’m howling with laughter at the CFery of it all...edited out the identifying bits.

It's my birthday on [XXXX] and whilst I'm not EXPECTING presents, if anyone wants to get me something, here is my wishlist ✨

Makeup!!! - Eyeshadows from nyx cosmetics and liquid lipsticks from Smashbox are my favourites. I also love nail varnishes! (I've heard KIKO are the best.)

A phonecase - I’m kind of morally against SKINNYDIP after having worked for them but something similar to their stuff would be cool. I prefer the jelly/bendy ones to the hard metal or plastic ones cos at least if you drop your phone it will just bounce! I have found this really amazing girl on instagram who makes them (inspired by flower fairies and crystals and nature!) instagram.com/tuppencestore/
I’ll add some pics of the kind I like. I have an iPhone 6S.

A cute card holder - So I don’t lose my oyster card UH-GAIN.

A new purse - I mean, I really want a Vivienne Westwood one (hey, I never said this list had to be realistic, did I?) But if anyone’s feeling flush and thinks I’m worth £150, I’m after either the ‘Pimlico Long Card Holder’ or the ‘Balmoral Long Card Holder’ - I’ll let you choose (pics below.)

Tarot Cards - Just a traditional deck. Apparently you can’t buy cards for yourself or it skews the energy. However, if anyone wants to get me some, I will def accept their energy into my life!

Crystals/Candles - Always good for witch stuff.

Plants - I LOVE PLANTS

Anything from Urban Outfitters or Oliver Bonas - I especially love their homewares and trinkety things!

Exciting vegan snacks - e.g. crazy luxe stuff like lucuma nut butters, chia jam, booja booja chocolates (my absolute fave) just the kind of things I’d never buy for myself bc let’s be real I live off rice and veg.

More glittery socks? I like the Topshop ones the best ✨

I’m agog! Is this even a thing or AIBU

Did she not ask for a unicorn? (Waves at shitty tabloid lazy journalist)

Quite a juxtaposition, all the weave your own vegan hoo haa and Viv Westwood and Topshop.

I hope cheques have been cancelled

So what have you bought OP?!

Hopefully some good polish for that brass neck.

This is hilarious - I'm sure she will get the Vivienne Westwood purse - I mean she is so WoRTH IT.

I dare you to make that vegan humble pie!

Will she rant on her Birthday if it doesn't arrive?

She'd be getting a supermarket card, with a pound coin in it, from me!

We do lists like this every time for birthdays and Christmas in my family (I mean we don't ask for all this crap, obviously) but yes, for general friends and acquaintances it is a bit much

you considered she's probably had people asking what she wants for her birthday?

Even if she hasn't, why are you friended into her if you're just going to take the piss?

And Hippy Weirdos? Fuck off.

Unfriend her, you'll be doing her a fucking favour.

@MikeUniformMike

I’ll post screenshots if you like you couldn’t make it up if you tried

I think you’ve put an awful lot of details about that person in your post

It's hardly outing someone when they post publicly from their personal Facebook page.

Cheeky mare. If she likes plants buy her some Japanese Knotweed

You can't buy JK, but you can buy Russian Vine.
How about a cactus - they're on trend. Get her an ugly one with lots of tiny almost invisible spikes.

She sounds like the kind of person who could never go into Boots and discreetly take some haemorrhoid cream from the shelf to the till - she'd have to spend a good half hour explaining in minute graphic detail to the mortified Saturday-kid assistant (maybe also showing several close-up photos to avoid any decency confusion) exactly why she needed it.

Give her a 99p gift voucher for Poundland.

Good grief, she's got more front than bloody Blackpool! I wouldn't even put £150 items on a WEDDING list, let alone expect them as birthday presents! My favourite part was '"I'll let you choose" - gosh thanks, we're allowed to choose your gift from carefully approved options!

Some people amaze me!

Or, if she's into things that are guaranteed to channel floods of positive energy to the receiver, maybe the Nick Knowles album....

😂😂😂

Tell her you bought the Tarot cards and were trying them out and it predicted that she was going not going to get anything on her list. Not even the Tarot cards because you've skewed the energy by using them.

She deserves fuck all.

Of course you can buy your own tarot cards, only someone very knew to the craft would believe otherwise! There is so much superstitious claptrap touted around now!

Hilarious

Bollocks about the tarot cards. I'd go with caked's response.

Maybe ask if she’s sure she wants a leather purse as she’s vegan? Before you splash out that £150...

99p voucher for Poundland