AIBU: To want 'my own car'?

[IronNeonClasp]

I share 'my' car with my ex-h. Whoever has the kids has the car. Been like this for 14m. Worked at first but only have one key which I hand deliver to him after every school run, 10m walk to station and half hour on train (£25 a week). And I am bored of sharing the car with him.

He's taking the kids away next week for the week and taking the/my car.

My Dad told me "I am mental" considering getting a car (and giving ex the existing bloody car). My Dad pays for its servicing so obviously what he says goes but I pay the monthly 'joint' insurance.

I've found a car for £200 I'd like to buy myself so I am rid of this shit. I'm mid-40's; full-time job and it seems I am unable to take risks and make decisions without my Dad's permission.

I'm having difficulty ascertaining whether I'm being spoilt and un-realistic?

Help?

Why do you need to give your ex the car? If your dad pays for upkeep and you pay for insurance, can ex even afford to keep it on the road?

Whose name is it in? If its in yours. Pay the cheap car and give that to your ex.

You pay for insurance and your dad pays to maintain it. What is your ex contributing other than petrol for his own use?

It’s a very unusual set up and isn’t sustainable.

Why should you buy one instead of your ex?

How much is the shared car worth and was it originally paid for? Without knowing that I’d say the fairest thing to do would be to sell it and split the money down the middle, each of you putting the funds towards a new car and sorting your own insurance. A £200 banger, unless you have someone who knows about these things to check it over will likely be an unreliable money pit and besides why should you have to give your ex the car?!

WTAF? Why does your dad get a day just because he pays a once a year service bill? Why on earth are you letting TWO men control you OP?

Get your own car, tell you're dad to keep his money as it comes with a desire to control you. You can earn enough to pay for a yearly service doing some shift work a handful of times while kids with dad.

Honestly-how else do you let men control you?

What Troubled said, sell the car and split the money for your own cars.

Also you could get another key cut. Why on earth haven't you? Dad not keen??

It's time to grow up OP.

You are in your mid 40s.

Time to claim your life and stopped allowing men to control you.

Your father and your ex.

Life is short.

Thanks everyone. Grobagsforever My Dad is thrilled that my ex is taking the children away. And this gives me a a break. And the existing situation is working well.

To be frank - I hate the fucking car. I hate the colour and it's not what I imagined I'd be driving at my age. We grew up being driven in the fuckers, around 3 in succession. My Dad traded in my Lupo which I adored a couple of years ago (it had a fault) and paid a couple of grand for this one.

Ex has contributed zero. Gah as I'm typing I realise I'm an idiot aren't I :(

While your current situation is pretty shit I'd save up for a bit and get a car that's not as cheap.

A £200 car is that price for a very good reason and it will cost you a lot more in the long run.

Selling the old car splitting the money is a good idea

Getting a nicer second hand car on hp or pcp could also be an option

Unfortunately yeah you are an idiot in the nicest possible way. Your ex has got a great deal using your car. Who is the car registered too?

heavandhell me.

Part ex it for a car of your choice and tell your ex to get his own. Jesus Christ, woman, stop letting your dad and him tell you/deprive you of YOUR car.

Cars registered to you and was paid for by you (via the Lupo) and your dad - so why does ex have any say in this? Was it written into a divorce or anything? If not, tell him it's your car and do what you want with it.

It’s your car. Yours. Not his. He’s been borrowing it and he’s not going to anymore.

Your dad isn’t trying to control you fgs, he’s supporting you while he sees your ex taking the absolute piss.

I take back what I said; don’t split the proceeds, it’s your car! If your ex has contributed nothing you should give him notice, maybe a couple of months to give him chance to get sorted, that after X date he’ll no longer by able to use YOUR CAR. As for your Dad, if you can afford to I’d start paying for your own servicing and if he won’t ask for his contribution back I’d sell it and buy the car you actually want. Time to stand on your own 2 feet!

Scienceforthewin Nope - divorced on UB not courts or anything. I take pity on him as he's on a low wage and probably can't afford a car. And I am quite terrified he will ask me for maintenance at some point...

Really appreciate your responses - thanks. Especially as I've been called 'mental' today. I quit booze a couple of weeks ago so wasn't sure if I was over-reacting/being hyper-sensitive everything is a bit 'grey'

Do you mean child support?

Give him the car; it helps the dc have a good time when woth him. What's UB?

No he claims child tax credits. But I earn a lot more than him.
I am the main carer.

UB = Unreasonable Behaviour

Absolutely do not give him your car!

As the primary carer you should be receiving child support from him and child tax credits.

The point of being divorced OP is that you’re not responsible for him anymore. He’s a grown up. He has a job. He’s a dad. He has to look after himself.

I didn't know you could claim child tax credits unless you were the main carer/RP!

Anne - I am full of guilt at my failings. Maybe this is the tip of the iceberg. But I just want my own car...