Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to Be the boss and crying about team insults?

67 replies

Ladiesfirst · 24/07/2018 15:16

So I run a team of 10 people and have done for quite a while. I am quite used to the moaning when I tell them some news they don’t like - like they can’t have work phones anymore because of cost cutting etc.

Today though we have just confirmed the completion date for a huge project. There is a likelihood that we will also have to do work the next day which is a Friday.

A member of my team doesn’t want to work on the Friday as it’s her parents wedding anniversary and she has promised to take the away. They live in the middle of nowhere so the travel time is an issue

I said that if the event finished on Friday then the team finished work on Friday (even if I could spare her it’s not fair on others but I can’t)

I said I was also missing my parents wedding anniversary (and my dad has really bad alheimzers which the team know about). She said it didn’t matter as I have other family and she is an only child so her parents would be ‘all alone’. In reality I am celebrating with my family a few weeks after the event (and two months after their anniversary)

I am just a bit overwhelmed at how rude she has been and how insensitive on so many fronts. As her boss though I don’t really feel I have much come back.

What would you do? This person has worked for me for 7 years and I am very flexible with her - she has changed locations three times in four years which I have supported plus she works at her parents home reguarly so she can see more of them.

I just don’t think it’s on to be insulted like this especially as was in front of the whole team!!

Thoughts?!

OP posts:
NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 24/07/2018 15:19

Don’t let her upset you.

At the end if the day you are the boss, if you say there is work on Friday... she needs to be in work on Friday! Don’t let her undermine you.

teaandtoast · 24/07/2018 15:20

Well, how would you deal with it if she'd said that to another team member?

bluebeck · 24/07/2018 15:20

It sounds like you have lost control a bit.

Has she asked to book the day off as annual leave? Obviously she knew when this date was so if it was important then she should have ensured she had it off. If she hasn't, you are perfectly entitled to say she cannot have holiday at such short notice.

Your own situation is irrelevant. I wonder if you have been oversharing? Why did you mention it was your own parents WA? It's not relevant to the work situation.

Velvete · 24/07/2018 15:22

Is this a pre arranged day off?

totalcontrol · 24/07/2018 15:24

Has she already booked it off?

Original poster
Ladiesfirst · 24/07/2018 15:25

The reason I mentioned it is because we all have to make sacrifices for the kind of job we do. The event and timing around it has been on the cards all year so I was just trying to say that she could be flexible. That’s all.

We are in a big professional firm it’s not the kind of work to rule environment where having scheduled a holiday means anything. But the nature of the work means when we are not busy there is plenty of flex.

OP posts:
bluebeck · 24/07/2018 15:27

We are in a big professional firm it’s not the kind of work to rule environment where having scheduled a holiday means anything.

Are you in the UK? If so, then you should be abiding by UK employment legislation. It sounds like your organisation is poorly organised without proper policies and procedures. This is why you are crying.

Moussemoose · 24/07/2018 15:28

If the holiday is already booked and agreed and you have changed your stance you are being massively unreasonable.

HotStickyTired · 24/07/2018 15:28

Are you serious? it’s not the kind of work to rule environment where having scheduled a holiday means anything Shock sod. Off. I would be looking for a new job if I were on your team. You have an appalling attitude.

Original poster
Ladiesfirst · 24/07/2018 15:28

Oh and re other people. She has been like this a few times and I just tell her she has to be the bigger person. I know I should say the same to myself but somehow the idea that her parents are more impetus to to her as she is an only child I just find incredibly rude.

OP posts:
Moussemoose · 24/07/2018 15:28

That's illegal. You team should join a Trade Union and you should be ashamed.

bluebeck · 24/07/2018 15:29

It doesn't sound like a "professional" organisation at all - quite the opposite.

Liverbird77 · 24/07/2018 15:30

What do you mean, " scheduled holidays mean nothing"? That is so very unfair. What if you have booked to go away and have non refundable flights etc???? If she has booked this day off, you are being totally and utterly unreasonable. What she wants the day for is irrelevant. If she hasn't booked it off then yes, she is in the wrong.

Popfan · 24/07/2018 15:31

If she's already booked the day off then you are BU

HotStickyTired · 24/07/2018 15:31

I bet she goes off sick with work related stress. She would be right to.

kissthealderman · 24/07/2018 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JacquesHammer · 24/07/2018 15:32

You're handling this all wrong OP. Scheduled holidays are absolutely that.

I used to manage a company whereby there were peaks and troughs.

Release dates changed etc.

If people were off it was unfortunate. The culture in the industry is as such that some people would offer to work and move their holiday (if it was not important to them) but we would never expect and absolutely never disregard pre-booked holiday.

Original poster
Ladiesfirst · 24/07/2018 15:33

Sorry I think you misunderstood. She had never booked the Friday off just expected to be at home ( the event is in a different country) and she will get home on the Friday but it might be a bit late to meet her parents on the Saturday.

Thr locations I let her work in were in three different continents for the record and she earns a lot of money. !

OP posts:
ShotsFired · 24/07/2018 15:35

Do none of you honestly work anywhere where leave can be granted and the followed by an "all hands pitch in" urgent thing?

You'd all just tell your boss to piss off and tough shit and never offer any flexibility?

(Also it doesn't look like @Ladiesfirst has even said the person in question has even had leave authorised that day anyway - in which case then there's no issue whatsoever - business needs preclude leave on that day)

bluebeck · 24/07/2018 15:36

So she will be travelling on business on the Friday? And this is different to where she expected to be? So if she was expecting to be home on the Friday, and hadn't booked the day off, she would be working, yes?

The way you are explaining this isn't helping OP!!!

icelollycraving · 24/07/2018 15:36

It sounds chaotic. I am in a job where the needs of the business means I may have to cancel holiday but I am the manager. I haven’t had to reschedule holiday where I was going away, that I would refuse.
It sounds like boundaries are blurred.

NinetySixer · 24/07/2018 15:38

How unreasonable the situation depends on the following:

Are you in the UK?
If so, was this already a booked leave day by the employee?

If you are in the UK and she had already booked the day off you should reimburse her for any costs of her having to cancel her holiday. The employee cannot be out of pocket due to your inability to manage your workload.

If she hasn’t already booked it off and she just assumed it would be okay then you are perfectly reasonable to say ‘no’.

However, the fact you have to come on mumsnet to question this and feel upset by what is a very minor problem leads me to think you aren’t cut out for the role you are in.

HotStickyTired · 24/07/2018 15:39

OP your update contradicts your earlier comment. If it's "aibu to think an employee can't complain about having to work when they didn't book leave in a period of high demand", that is a far cry from "aibu to cancel my staff's prebooked holiday because it no longer suits my organisation".

MissVanjie · 24/07/2018 15:40

what's the time scale here? how much notice has she had that she'll be out of the country on this very significant date?

Original poster
Ladiesfirst · 24/07/2018 15:40

Sorry for not being clearer. She expects to go away on a sat with her parents. The event in question was only confirmed a few days ago but there was always a risk that it could have happened at any time around the intended weekend break she wants to take. Now there may be a need for her to be Ina location that means she would fly home on the friday and likely get home late on Friday eve or sat morning. I am not in control of the timing and she knows this but I can’t do without her on the Friday as the we can’t run the event with one person fewer! All of this is unfortunately typical of what we do in our team but it’s avtaullg be 4 years since such a late event. Hope this clarifies ...,

OP posts: