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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to Be the boss and crying about team insults?

67 replies

Ladiesfirst · 24/07/2018 15:16

So I run a team of 10 people and have done for quite a while. I am quite used to the moaning when I tell them some news they don’t like - like they can’t have work phones anymore because of cost cutting etc.

Today though we have just confirmed the completion date for a huge project. There is a likelihood that we will also have to do work the next day which is a Friday.

A member of my team doesn’t want to work on the Friday as it’s her parents wedding anniversary and she has promised to take the away. They live in the middle of nowhere so the travel time is an issue

I said that if the event finished on Friday then the team finished work on Friday (even if I could spare her it’s not fair on others but I can’t)

I said I was also missing my parents wedding anniversary (and my dad has really bad alheimzers which the team know about). She said it didn’t matter as I have other family and she is an only child so her parents would be ‘all alone’. In reality I am celebrating with my family a few weeks after the event (and two months after their anniversary)

I am just a bit overwhelmed at how rude she has been and how insensitive on so many fronts. As her boss though I don’t really feel I have much come back.

What would you do? This person has worked for me for 7 years and I am very flexible with her - she has changed locations three times in four years which I have supported plus she works at her parents home reguarly so she can see more of them.

I just don’t think it’s on to be insulted like this especially as was in front of the whole team!!

Thoughts?!

OP posts:
bluebeck · 24/07/2018 15:42

I totally agree with icelolly it sounds like a poorly managed team with no clear boundaries.

I run a team about three times that size, and if the shit hits the fan, yes, I might call team members on holiday and ask if there is any way they can come in at short notice/help out. But if they can't, they can't. I am the manager and it's my job to deal with it.

I certainly wouldn't stand there and start bleating on about my own parents wedding anniversary/who is an only child/personal details like that. Nobody needs to know.

Either this team member was due to work on Friday or she wasn't. OP doesn't even seem to know...

MissVanjie · 24/07/2018 15:43

also, may I suggest, it seems that you're struggling to communicate the issues and expectations here on this thread..... so is it such a mad leap to wonder if your communication style may be at least partially responsible for you butting heads with people at work?

bluebeck · 24/07/2018 15:43

Sorry - X post.

So what was she expecting to be doing on the Friday OP? Why did she think she could go on holiday with her parents if she hadn't booked the day off work?

borlottibeans · 24/07/2018 15:45

I've cancelled time off before when work needed me. However this is something I do in return for a bit of give and take and because as a company they generally don't take the piss. If your company is in such dire financial straits that it's having to take work mobiles off people (and presumably expecting them to make work calls on their own phones at their own expense?) is it possible they've been taking the piss in other ways too and she's had enough?

HoleyCoMoley · 24/07/2018 15:45

Is she due to be at work on the Friday, what time should she normally finish work . Are you expecting her to work late on Friday and extra on Saturday.

infrequentposter88 · 24/07/2018 15:47

Basically a deadline has been agreed that you don't have the resources to meet from the sounds of things.

If you work in a big professional services firm you should be able to get someone else to cover. Team members should not bear the brunt of management inability to forward plan.

YearOfYouRemember · 24/07/2018 15:47

Surely you have come back to her BECAUSE you are her boss? Confused.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 24/07/2018 15:47

I think that this example illustrates the need for clear policies.

If she booked annual leave off then fine that should be respected. No matter what.

If she works flexi hours then there needs to be clarity over who decides when etc.

You as the boss need to be clear but not ‘persuade’.

flapjackfairy · 24/07/2018 15:48

I dont see whar was so offensive and upsetting in her comments tbh.

MissionItsPossible · 24/07/2018 15:48

I’m a bit confused but it boils down to:

if she booked the Friday off and now you’re saying she can’t have the day off , VU and possibly breaking employment law.

If she didn’t and just wanted it off and told she can’t then that’s her own bad luck

BackToTheFuschia7 · 24/07/2018 15:49

So the holiday hasn’t been booked off as annual leave?

R.e. Her comments, they were insensitive but try not to feel too affected. You probably bore the brunt of her frustration and I’d class what she said as unkind and egocentric but not an insult.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 24/07/2018 15:49

Is the employment in the UK, you can’t really put her circumstances to your circumstances OP, and you don’t get trumps over her circumstances just because she doesn’t feel the same way as you.

You really need to explain yourself better as I’m clueless, you can’t tell your staff to jump and they be happy with it.

mydietstartsmonday · 24/07/2018 15:50

She hasn't booked the time off.
Does her contract stipulate that she needs to work in different locations?

Take your personal arrangement out of it.
She needs to do her job and if her job means she needs to be else where that is what she needs to do.
You could compromise and either she can get a slightly earlier flight home or to a different airport.

Or go and join her parents directly without going home.
Stand your ground.

PattiStanger · 24/07/2018 15:51

I don't find your explanations very clear tbh but if she hadn't booked the time off and the nature of the job is that this sort of thing can happen then it's a shame for her but she'll have to suck it up.

Bluelady · 24/07/2018 15:53

Your family and circumstances are irrelevant, I have no idea why you raised them.

If she'd booked the day off you're being totally unreasonable to stop her having it.

pippistrelle · 24/07/2018 15:54

I'm not quite sure how you feel insulted. Having a different perspective isn't an insult.

Twotabbycats · 24/07/2018 15:55

It sounds like she was expecting to work a normal day on the Friday, for example 9-6 if that is normal for her work. So she could finish work and be at her parents on Friday evening. Instead she will be travelling back from abroad that day and may not be home till midnight or later. So the issue is the 6 or so extra hours of 'work' time that she expected to be leisure time. Am I right so far?

JacquesHammer · 24/07/2018 15:55

So just to clarify.

The lady in question didn’t book the Friday off but just assumed she’d be able to leave in time to get to her parents?

Now there’s an event and she isn’t going to finish as early as she assumed?

Can she travel straight from the event to her parents?

If she knew there was a risk of a clash she was foolish to not book the time off.

Handsoffmychansey · 24/07/2018 15:55

Ignoring everything else:

YABVVVU to be ACTUALLY CRYING over this. FFS you're a manager, deal with it like one.

Crying? Seriously? Because someone clumsily tried to tell you their parents were very important to them and therefore they wanted to be there?

Nutter.

WhyOhWine · 24/07/2018 15:57

My reading of this is that she has not booked Friday off because if she was simply in the main office on the Friday she would not have needed the day off. She would have travelled after work on Friday and been where she needed to be by Saturday. Now, she will be elsewhere on the Friday and the travel time means that she will only get back very late on Friday or even Saturday, so will not be able to travel to her parents after work on Friday as she originally intended, meaning she will arrive with her parents much later on the Saturday.

Is that right?

Original poster
Ladiesfirst · 24/07/2018 16:05

That is exactly right why oh wine.

In terms of flex from my end she is working five half dates from her parents home August as the first week of a three week break. It’s not entitle myconvenient for me or the person she manages but as you say the kind of job we have had to cut both ways. As I said i have employed her in three continents in three years as her husbands job has moved. And I’ve done this with very good grace. I am upset because I think she is being inflexible despite the many efforts I have made to accommodate her and actually being late one day isn’t the end of the world. It should t end up with me being told that my family is less important that hers because she is an only child!!! (Knowing as she does my own situation)

She knows all about my family as we have worked together for years - colleagues for over a decade and I would consider friends before she came to my team when I have had to be a bit more distant. So that’s my perspective.

OP posts:
Fairyliz · 24/07/2018 16:07

Blimey its a good job other posters have explained what has happened, as sorry op your posts were very unclear.

Perhaps you need to look at communication with the team, which to be fair is usually the biggest problem with most organisations, or at least the ones I have worked with.

Iamtryingtobenicehere · 24/07/2018 16:09

Family comes first for me, and obviously for your employee. Work is a necessity. I’d not want to reschedule holidays, no scratch that, I would not reschedule holidays, days off etc to suit work. Work to live, not live to work.
It’s not her fault your shitty firm has promised to finish a huge job and not allowed enough time to do it.
Good bosses bring out the best in their staff, just remember that.

Quartz2208 · 24/07/2018 16:11

Your family bit is irrelevant at short notice you are expecting her to commit to working longer than her contractual hours at a detriment to herself and her family and are surprised she is unhappy about it.

Im sorry OP but if it this regularly happens and people have to miss things at short notice its poor management

Cath2907 · 24/07/2018 16:15

I am surprised you are crying but this sort of flexibility is expected of me in my job. If a big client meet is scheduled when I have holiday booked then it is "hoped" that I will be flexible. I make it clear to my management when I book my leave which instances are not flexible but for a weekend away with my parents I'd fly home late Fri or Sat morning then go join them rather than sod up a big work engagement. I occasionally take client calls on my off days (it isn't frequent) but with a high salaried role with plenty of flexibility I am expected to accommodate a certain level of flex in the companies direction (they flex my way too and I feel it is a fair balance).