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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not help family more financially

80 replies

user1471558723 · 24/07/2018 12:42

I have a nephew and niece, they are both at university. They visit me regularly and I enjoy seeing them. I always pay their train fare and provide treats when they are with me. I don't invite them, I don't need to as they always invite themselves over. Sometimes it's a bit inconvenient, but I reason that it's nice that they still want to spend time with me.
I have started to notice that when they visit there is always a catalogue of woes about their financial situation. I'm starting to feel manipulated into giving more money than I want to, to them.
I feel they think the are entitled to help with their cars, insurance etc. I don't really think that it's up to an aunty to support them in this way. I'm getting a bit anxious that I seem to have acquired two extra dependants just when I am thinking of slowing down a bit at work and enjoying spending some money on myself. At long last all my own children are self supporting and I don't have to worry about them. Now my niece and nephew are starting to make me feel like I should be helping them out. Am I being unreasonable to be a bit fed up and not to want to see quite so much of them?

OP posts:
rainforesttreeswinging · 24/07/2018 15:24

I think you have already been very kind and generous, and now they sound like they are taking advantage of this. Stop all treats for a few months and see what happens...

I def wouldn't consider buying my N&N cars etc, outrageous that they would expect it.

They sound awful tbh. Hold them all at arms length.

jazzyfizzles · 24/07/2018 15:24

During my degree I had to work 37.5 hours on placement plus I had assignments to do too, I worked around that to be able to afford my car so I could get home easily enough to see family.

If they want it that much they'll make it happen themselves.

I graduated with a first, so it had no detrimental effect on my qualification.

You sound like a lovely aunty, but if they're taking advantage it's really not fair!

TeeBee · 24/07/2018 15:29

Exactly Jazzle. If someone tells me something can't be done, I make sure I prove them wrong. It can be done if you want it hard enough.

Leeds2 · 24/07/2018 15:30

It really isn't normal for aunts/uncles to funs their nephews and nieces. Not at all.
I would stop offering them money, and offer practical help, such as drafting CVs to get holiday jobs, budgeting advice etc.

Maelstrop · 24/07/2018 15:48

Why doesn’t your sister work full time? Why do you give her money?

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