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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH not wanting to go away on holiday

64 replies

holepunch88 · 23/07/2018 12:17

My DH likes to go walking in places like the lake district, Snowdonia etc. I do too, and very happy to go for long weekends at any time of year, and we have even spent Xmas up mountains!
But, I don't see that as a 'main' holiday.
I want to see a bit more of the world.
the Uk is lovely, don't get me wrong, especially with the fab weather we have been having.
So, I have suggested we do up to a week in the lakes, camping (he loves it, I don't particularly) with the dog, go walking etc, but then do a week somewhere else, I fancy Rome, or Venice, or Prague...something like that?
I don't particularly like beaches, but a nice hotel, with a pool to cool off, interesting architechture, culture, history etc.
He always says he doesn't want to go...'I don't want to fly, it takes too long sitting about airports/its boring on a plane/its too hot everywhere/any other excuse!
TBH, it is getting boring now, all his excuses.
What makes it so annoying though is he is happy to go skiing with his mates every January (I can't get time off work to go with him), and when he was with his ex, he went to Turkey, Egypt, Greece, Corfu, Italy....all places I would love to go but he claims are too hot and the flight is too long!!!
AIBU in expecting him to compromise - I go to Lakes, he comes on a hotel holiday with me?

OP posts:
TopShagger · 23/07/2018 12:19

He does sound rather selfish. I don't think you are being unreasonable.

BaronessBomburst · 23/07/2018 12:21

Go on holiday without him. Seriously.
DM, D Aunt, and DMIL all had husbands who did this. Now they go with friends or other family members instead. DH and I have had separate holidays too, for various reasons. We're still happily married and got to do what we wanted.
You've already said he goes away with his friends without you, so you do the same.

ohfourfoxache · 23/07/2018 12:22

He sounds very selfish.

I’d be refusing to do any more camping trips until he does a break with you. Then take it in turns to choose the destination.

Jengnr · 23/07/2018 12:24

Go without him. He might not want to go but he doesn’t get to choose what you do.

LuvMyBubbles · 23/07/2018 12:26

You neee to do these trips without him. No question.
Have you raised that with him?

OneThreadOnly0101 · 23/07/2018 12:29

Another vote for go without him. Italy is lovely.

OftenHangry · 23/07/2018 12:30

Go to Prague without him for few days. You WILL love it. And so much to do and see. And no one will look at you oddly for travelling alone so no discomfort there.

Trinity66 · 23/07/2018 12:30

Tell him you want to see the world and if he won't come with you you'll go and do it on your own..chances are he'll suddenly change his mind and come with you but if he doesn't go on your own, go on excursions with groups etc or just do it on your own if you like your own company. Or go with a friend or other family member. You can't make him come with you but that doesn't mean you can't go!

Frogscotch7 · 23/07/2018 12:30

Go yourself! You’ll have a wonderful time.

PositivelyPERF · 23/07/2018 12:31

You’re married to him, not owned by him. Go away by yourself or with friends. Why should he get the holiday abroad, while you’re stuck at home?

Mia1415 · 23/07/2018 12:31

Go without him. Life's too short.

gamerchick · 23/07/2018 12:34

Go without him but I wouldn't be doing holidays he likes until he starts to compromise.

MojoMoon · 23/07/2018 12:37

Paris or Bruges on the Eurostar? So he can't make that excuse.

But yeah, go yourself or with friends.

And clearly and calmly tell him that you feel he is being selfish and refusing to comprise while expecting that you should, which is not a recipe for happiness

Birdsgottafly · 23/07/2018 12:48

He sounds like a child.

As said, go without him, or give him ultimatums.

A lot of Women get older and regret the compromises that they made when in a relationship.

You don't know how your health goes when you are older, don't put off doing things.

Mitzimaybe · 23/07/2018 12:53

I had a bit of sympathy for him until the penultimate paragraph. So he has been to lots of places abroad AND still does every January, but he won't go with you? Not on. Whatever he spends on his skiiing trip, you are entitled to the same amount on a trip just for you. Go without him and enjoy it.

LoniceraJaponica · 23/07/2018 12:55

"Go on holiday without him. Seriously."

We have done this. DD and I have been to Lake Garda, Rome and Orlando without OH. We have a strong marriage and he is absolutely fine with this.

amusedbush · 23/07/2018 12:59

Go without him. You'll have a better time without dragging his whinging face around.

DarlingNikita · 23/07/2018 12:59

Of course it's not 'too hot everywhere' Hmm

He's being very inflexible.

Tell him if he can't compromise/broaden his horizons a bit, neither will you – he can do his UK holidays alone and you can go to a nice city or whatever you fancy.

Have you asked him outright how he gets over his antipathy enough to go skiing with his mates every January? Or how he managed Turkey, Egypt, Greece, Corfu, Italy with his ex?

rosy71 · 23/07/2018 12:59

You can get to lots of places - Bruges, Amsterdam, Paris, Brussels, Lille - by Eurostar, so no flying involved.

You could also do somewhere like the French Alps where he could do what he likes and you could do what you like.

If he still won't go, I'd tell him you're going alone or with a friend and go.

Winterbella · 23/07/2018 13:00

It's sad that he doesn't seem to want to go on holiday with you but I think if you tell him you've decided to go without him he might change his mind.

In saying that don't wait around for that, do just go without him, and enjoy seeing the world.

redfairy · 23/07/2018 13:00

Me and DH have one shared holiday a year but the rest of the time we go on separate breaks. Works very well for us. Is this an option for you?

LighthouseSouth · 23/07/2018 13:01

go without him

I also hate the type of holiday you want to go on and it sounds like he tried and hates it

so why don't you go without him, take a friend etc. if you don't really want to join him on his trips here, ditto. We've never thought we all have to go together, people have different interests and limited annual leave. There's no point going somwhere you don't enjoy.

Clutterbugsmum · 23/07/2018 13:02

Call him out on his BS, tell him that he won't be go skiing in January if he doesn't like going abroad, the waiting around in airports.

I'd also tell him that you are disappointed that he won't a holiday you would like while you go camping with him although you don't like it.

Book somewhere you want to go and tell him he can go camping by himself or he can not be selfish and put you first for a change and spend a week away where you want to go.

Oh and I would stop going camping if you don't enjoy it.

AlpacaLypse · 23/07/2018 13:03

Just got back from Prague... it was slightly cooler there than here but not much! Most of the destinations you've mentioned would actually be much more pleasant in spring or autumn.

Meanwhile I've done a few trips without DP, with either my mum, a sister or friends. It's fine, in fact it's rather nice to visit a place without the otherwise obligatory visit to the city zoo! Although actually Prague Zoo is rather good...

SleepingStandingUp · 23/07/2018 13:18

Book a holiday then. Just you. Cost it similar to I suspect not cheap Skiing holiday and point out good for goose and gander and all that.

If you dislike camping them you also need to tackle that and compromise as you do like the walking

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