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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is my mother?

60 replies

ScoobyCan · 22/07/2018 20:14

STBXH having DC for two (separate) weeks over summer holidays. First week I'm working. Second I've been invited (all expenses paid) to south of France, all inclusive budget no frills hotel, by a mate. Awesome.

Asked mother to be "emergency contact" for DC if anything happens whilst I'm abroad. She tells me that leaving the country on only the second full week STBXH is having the children since we split last Sept is irresponsible and that I should be holidaying in the UK. Thing is, we checked out the UK and unless we camp (and cook and clean which is what we do every day), we are going to spend far more money.

AIBU to think my mother is being way out of line here? I'm late thirties and currently I feel like a bloody teenager.

Would it be unreasonable to flee the country for a week abroad whilst the kids are with their dad?!

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 22/07/2018 20:16

He's their parent - hopefully capable of dealing with any emergency!

Go to France - it's unlikely anything bad will happen and you can get home just as quick these days should you need to!

Why do some people say this type of crap?

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2018 20:20

Not enough info really, to be able to see it from your side or your mum's.

How did he cope last time?

How old are the kids?

Are they verbal?

I'm all for leaving him to look after his own kids, but since you've asked your mum to get involved if necessary, she has a right to be concerned (if warranted).

ThisIsntMeHonestGuv · 22/07/2018 20:20

Yer maw.

Nothing wrong with what you are planning. It's not like you are abandoning them, they are with their dad ffs!

I would find someone else to be emergency contact if that's how your mum feels.

GreenTulips · 22/07/2018 20:22

What info do you need?

When they are with OP and X is abroad does anyone bat an eyelid? No!! They assume mum gets in with it and gets the job done .....

IsTheRainEverComingBack · 22/07/2018 20:24

Exactly, if it was the other way round no one would say he couldn’t leave the country. Enjoy your holiday.

Rebecca36 · 22/07/2018 20:28

You are not being unreasonable. Go and enjoy.

HariboIsMyCrack · 22/07/2018 20:30

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

ScoobyCan · 22/07/2018 21:28

Thanks all - really appreciate your input here. My children are my priority but as a single mum I need a bit of R&R too. Can't quite get over my mate's generosity! DC are 8 & 7. Very verbal, no issues.

I have asked my best friend to be the UK contact instead (if I manage to coax my mother back into the dark ages) - she is more than happy to take the baton.

OP posts:
PandaPieForTea · 22/07/2018 21:31

Is your STBXH a competent parent who regularly has the DC? If he is, then I can’t see your DM’s point at all. Plenty of parents leave the country for work or holidays leaving their DC with the other parent.

iheartmichellemallon · 22/07/2018 21:31

Enjoy your trip Op - no reason for you to stay in the UK when they're with your ex.

Ginmakesitallok · 22/07/2018 21:31

Why do you need an emergency contact prearranged? Surely if there is a real problem then they can contact you and you can contact the relevant person?

LanaorAna2 · 22/07/2018 21:31

YMBVU. Have a brilliant hol & send DM a postcard raving about it daily.

Readyfortheschoolhols · 22/07/2018 21:32

Imo I wouldn't tell ex you are away. Some pathetic crisis will occur the night before you leave.
Give him a text when you get there. Say last minute deal.
And enjoy!!

ScoobyCan · 22/07/2018 22:11

@PandaPieForTea he has them every other weekend Fri-Sun. I guess I just wanted to have someone in place to be there immediately just in case something happened and before I could jump on a plane home. Being cautious I know - but it makes sense not to tell their dad I'm going away....

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 22/07/2018 22:28

Your mum is being ridiculous. Ignore her nonsense.

trojanpony · 22/07/2018 23:12

Go on your trip...

She is being ridiculous.

spudlet7 · 22/07/2018 23:26

Why can't you tell their dad you're going away?

ScoobyCan · 22/07/2018 23:31

@spudlet7 it was in reference to @Readyfortheschoolhols saying "Imo I wouldn't tell ex you are away. Some pathetic crisis will occur the night before you leave.
Give him a text when you get there. Say last minute deal.
And enjoy!!"

He has tried to make my life miserable for so long I wouldn't put this ^^ past him....

OP posts:
spudlet7 · 23/07/2018 00:03

Ah I see. Makes sense.

ScoobyCan · 24/07/2018 19:31

Sadly now my siblings have jumped on the bandwagon and are telling me I'm entirely irresponsible to even contemplate leaving the county let alone the country. "You're not 25 anymore - you have TWO CHILDREN."

I'm speechless to be honest. I was so chuffed to be asked on this holiday and now it's going to be very embarrassing to say I can't go "because my family don't think I have the right to a break when my kids are with their dad".

Better look into a (more expensive) UK "stay-cation". Envy

OP posts:
Chunkymonkey123 · 24/07/2018 19:35

You are not a child anymore so who cares what your siblings say?! Go on the holiday.

imsorryiasked · 24/07/2018 19:35

Please don't listen to your family they ABVVVU. Have a lovely holiday.

TorviBrightspear · 24/07/2018 19:36

OP, go and enjoy your holiday. Your STBEx is their dad, he can parent, and your DM and siblings need to take their heads out their arses.

They are acting as if you having the vagina means you are the default parent. And I bet your siblings are only involved because your DM is whipping them up.

SheDoneAlreadyDoneHadHerses · 24/07/2018 19:37

Go on the bloody holiday!

Sod your mother. If you were still with your ex, they'd have nothing to say. Just because you've split up doesn't mean he's suddenly incapable of parenting his own children.

Feck everybody.

BottleOfJameson · 24/07/2018 19:38

Depends on what your ex is like but assuming he's a normal, responsible adult I don't see why he can't look after his own kids while you're away on holiday! If he has form for being completely incompetent and needing another adult to come get the kids or something then I can see her point.

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