AIBU or is my mother?

[ScoobyCan]

STBXH having DC for two (separate) weeks over summer holidays. First week I'm working. Second I've been invited (all expenses paid) to south of France, all inclusive budget no frills hotel, by a mate. Awesome.

Asked mother to be "emergency contact" for DC if anything happens whilst I'm abroad. She tells me that leaving the country on only the second full week STBXH is having the children since we split last Sept is irresponsible and that I should be holidaying in the UK. Thing is, we checked out the UK and unless we camp (and cook and clean which is what we do every day), we are going to spend far more money.

AIBU to think my mother is being way out of line here? I'm late thirties and currently I feel like a bloody teenager.

Would it be unreasonable to flee the country for a week abroad whilst the kids are with their dad?!

Go go go!!!! They will be fine

(Saying this as a mother of 2 who went to Bermuda for 2 months this year for work!)

He is their father, he can manage

Your STBXH could quite easily take his children abroad himself for that week. That would be completely reasonable and acceptable of him. Your holiday scenario is no different. Your family are being unreasonable.

It’s only France not Australia! DON’T YOU DARE CANCEL! I’m angry at your twangy family and I don’t know them. I would go low key contact, until your holiday. If they start talking about it, change the subject and if they continue, tell them you have to go, as you’ve things to do. No anger, just leave nicely. though I’d be tempted to tell them to fuck off

Use your friend as an emergency contact and if it’s a real emergency, she can contact your mother. I mean it, OP, don’t you dare cancel!

Seriously tell your family you are staying in the UK and still go to France. I wouldn't trust them not tell your ex otherwise!!!!

WTAF is the matter with your family?! Of course you should go. The children will be with their father! I'm sure he has his own emergency contacts if there is a problem. And he can always call you if necessary (completely unlikely) and you can come home early if necessary. Plenty of places in Europe would be quicker to get back from than plenty of places in the UK!
Go on your holiday. Don't let them brainwash you.

What horribly jealous family you have. FFS GO!!!!

Your family are batshit!

Maybe they'd prefer if you stayed at home and whipped yourself with birch twigs instead?

Thanks everyone I must say I was beginning to lose the will to live. Removed STBXH from my life (financially abusive / emotionally controlling) only to jump from frying pan into fire as it seems family are now trying to take his place.

Frustrated is an understatement.

@LilacIris - I told my "D"M just that - he has every right to take THEM abroad for the week - would she expect me to go incognito and stay three doors down in an AirBnB?

It's hard to keep my thoughts about this to myself when they say they are "coming from a place of love".

I really appreciate your input, thank you.

Sounds like your parents always were controlling and you picked a man to emulate them...

Removed STBXH from my life (financially abusive / emotionally controlling) only to jump from frying pan into fire as it seems family are now trying to take his place

It sounds like you have been controlled your whole life. Some families need a scapegoat and you’re it. It helps them feel superior if they’ve someone to criticise and look down on. No more discussion with them, regarding the holiday, just quietly make your arrangements.

Just tell everyone me you’ll be in the UK but go to France! You deserve this FFS!! You’re family are being ridiculous, inconsiderate and selfish.

@RandomMess sadly it feels like that... I had to bite my tongue recently rather than say pretty much that to my mother.... STBXH had the ability to undermine me and make me feel worthless in one fell swoop. He hollowed me out over the past few years and I became a shadow. I'm finally coming back out of my shell and I've regained a confidence and independence I had before we were together.

It's the one thing he and my DM seemingly have in common. I just didn't realise until now.

Oh please go!! I remember once my DSD mum left the country for a long week end (went to Spain) and didn't actually tell us- we only learnt of it upon her return!
He is their parent as much as you are. Go and don't look back.

OP you should definitely go to France. Everyone deserves a break, certainly single parents who have just come through a break up. Go any enjoy yourself. The kids will be with family. And it’s a week in France - not 2 months backpacking around Australia after all. I think your family are being very mean And unsupportive (unless there is a back story you aren’t telling us?).

I would go, it's exactly the same as going to wales or Scotland and you would not think twice, you can call or FaceTime the kids and they will be fine. Don't let you family control you like this, you deserve r&r and probably a good break after the year you've had

If they are so worried about you being away then they should be emergency contact. Otherwise, leave them to it.

I bet if you were a DS or DB they wouldn't say this. Always the woman in the wrong got wanting time to herself.

100% go!

In theory depending on where you live you could get back quicker from a France than somewhere like Cornwall!

My ex husband used to go on holiday all the time without telling me, it never bothered me. It’s none of their business and next time you know not to tell them 😉

Omg you definitely have to go. I just got back from Turkey leaving my DD (7) with her dad and he's taking her for a week away next month.

Do not listen. Go and have some much deserved R&R...

Just go and enjoy yourself! Maybe the sibs are just jealous.

Yanbu! Go on holiday and enjoy yourself! Your dc is with Dad and won’t need an additional emergency contact. You’re going to France, not the moon!

France is so close it's not exactly hard to get back in a hurry if you needed to. I've have colleagues who commute there and back. Enjoy your holiday your mum sounds a right killjoy.

Definitely go to France. I thoroughly disapprove of lots of things my siblings do. I wouldn't dream of telling them, because, you know, they're grown ups and perfectly entitled to lead their own lives and make their own decisions. Also, what do I actually know about their lives? I probably only know about 25% of all the information that went into their decision making process.

Hope you have a lovely holiday.

GO ON THE HOLIDAY!!!

(YANBU). Have a fabulous time!

Go on the holiday.
If he needs an emergency contact, give him this special, secret number for people who can help.

999

I believe they are quite good.
Your family are totally unreasonable, or are they just familiar with completely useless men who defer to women over anything to do with children from nappy changing to cut fingers?

I can be in France in about three hours from where I live. I went to Cumbria for work not long ago, took me nearly six hours, with a break. Not once did my Dh suggest that I couldn’t go. Your family are horrible and I hope you have a lovely french holiday.