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AIBU?

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Original poster

Said ‘I love you’ but didn’t get it back

51 replies

Mimmim112 · 22/07/2018 05:31

Have to be brief as he’s asleep but will wake up soon. Been with boyfriend about 6 months, we’re early 40s. We’re compatible, get on great, want same things etc. Have felt like I love him for a while and said it last night. He said ‘awww’ and cuddled me and then said ‘how do you know?’ To which I replied I just did. so obviously he doesn’t feel the same yet, or maybe he never will I guess. I wasn’t that surprised he didn’t say it back as he’s previously said it takes him ages to fall in love and he’s not sure he ever has been. Obviously long term I don’t want to be with someone who’s not in love with me but not sure at what point I should cut my losses! I don’t want to make a big deal of it with him but I’m not sure if I should just say nothing and wait, or ask him if he thinks his feelings are going that way or what. Please be nice!

OP posts:
LEMtheoriginal · 22/07/2018 05:37

It took my ďp a long time to say i love you. When i first said it to him it freaked him out. 26 years later he tells me every day

Original poster
Mimmim112 · 22/07/2018 05:42

Thanks, that’s encouraging! He does say things like he expects we’ll live together in the future and things like that so he does seem to see long term potential.

OP posts:
Monty27 · 22/07/2018 05:42

An ex of mine used to say 'I adore you' when I would say I love you he never said it back. We only lasted six months. I needed those words but they never came.

MissionItsPossible · 22/07/2018 05:42

Don’t read too much into it. My partner tells me he loves me all the time and I find it hard to say it back, I don’t know why. He said ‘aww’, cuddled you and then questioned it further, if he had jumped off the sofa and made an excuse to leave immediately then I would be agreeing with you Smile

KC225 · 22/07/2018 05:46

Ouch. If he has said he doesn't know if he has ever fallen in love he has been honest with you. You should have taken his lead and waited for an expression from him first. Anyway, you have said it now and it's out there. Leave it. Don't over analyse it but don't keep saying it.

Don't be so quick to jump to the dump. He may need a little more time without feeling pressured. Revisit in a few months, if you can bear it.

Original poster
Mimmim112 · 22/07/2018 05:49

I believe in being honest and it would have felt weird to keep feeling it and not say it. Why shouldn’t I have said it?

OP posts:
NoProbLlama78 · 22/07/2018 05:52

I had one like this and it was ok while he treated me like he loved me but I quickly ended it when he didn't.
Has he had long relationships before or been married and does he have any children who he says he loves?

Original poster
Mimmim112 · 22/07/2018 05:53

He’s not been married but had a couple of long term relationships (last one was five years), no children. He behaves lovingly towards me although is not the romantic type

OP posts:
Original poster
Mimmim112 · 22/07/2018 05:57

He said he thought he was in love with people in the past but looking back he wasn’t

OP posts:
Butternutsqoosh · 22/07/2018 06:14

Told my OH after 4 months...his reply? "Good!" BlushConfused

He's now my DH and says it much more, but still not loads!! Always says it back to me but not loads unprompted so when he does, I know he really means it!

unadventuretime · 22/07/2018 06:18

He said he thought he was in love with people in the past but looking back he wasn’t

Maybe he just wants to wait a while to check he really means it. It's sad he didn't say it back, but better he didn't than he felt pressured to say it when he's unsure, IYSWIM.

Original poster
Mimmim112 · 22/07/2018 06:21

Yes I definitely appreciate his honesty, it's one of the things I love about him!

OP posts:
mintich · 22/07/2018 06:22

I told my fiance after 6 months and he didn't say it back. I was so upset and he said he could love me but didn't yet as we were still getting to know each other. He told me after about a year. And he was right! I felt like I trotted out the words because it seemed like the right time but after a year I knew that I now genuinely loved him and I felt a lot stronger for him then than I did when I initially said it! Now he tells me every day

NoProbLlama78 · 22/07/2018 06:22

If hes treating you in a loving way that's a good start and i agree with unadventure that he sounds like he needs longer.

GeekyBlinders · 22/07/2018 06:34

Definitely don't cut your losses yet! DP said it to me about a month before I said it back - my initial reaction was much like your boyfriend'a!

Lanadelrat · 22/07/2018 06:36

He mustn’t love you. Move on.

TinyRick · 22/07/2018 06:38

At least he didn't say 'Thank you'

CitySnicker · 22/07/2018 06:39

Hang on. He went out with someone for 5 years and now isnt sure if he was in love with them?

Slartybartfast · 22/07/2018 06:44

no, dont be so quick to move on or judge. some people are slower. not a big deal op. he is a cool cucumber.
if he treats you well and you are happy just go with it. dont worry about the words, actions speak louder.

hibeat · 22/07/2018 07:00

I had a BF you would pressure (bulldozer) me into saying I love you, it did not last. Since, it's very difficult for me to say it. I met my future husband just after that. Married 10 years, I do say it from time to time. I feel it more often then I say it though. But when I feel it he's not always around, "Ain't going to call him at work for that", he would be flustered. When I say I love you he answers "I know". He says it to me in his own time, more often. We're weird, I know. You told him. It's a big step. I would allow him more time, and I would watch his general behaviour outside the romantic fluff. In the meantime it's difficult especially just right now. Do not withdraw though. Love begets love.

Raffles1981 · 22/07/2018 07:02

My DP told me he loved me days after meeting. I freaked out. Seven years on, we are so happy and I often say I love you more than he does! I think it just depends on our emotional wall. I say hang in there. If you are still getting the same replays and stock answers after a while then he's maybe not worth investing in xx

SargeantAngua · 22/07/2018 07:03

DP said it to me first and my reaction was also similar to that. Thinking about and discussing feelings like that and being certain of them seems better to me than saying I love you without really feeling it. His response was a positive one. Just give him a bit of time.

Raffles1981 · 22/07/2018 07:07

SargeantAngua - well said x

TrudeauGirl · 22/07/2018 07:18

Some people just need longer to say it back. It's a very hard thing for some to say. Don't worry, give him a little time and I'm sure he'll say it. Smile He sounds lovely by your description.

Shoxfordian · 22/07/2018 07:18

As long as he treats you well then give him some space and time to say he loves you back. Don't ask him about it for now just enjoy being together.