Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU to be upset and hurt over DH comments

88 replies

MamafromOz · 21/07/2018 23:26

My husband has never been one to say nice things to me. He is more likely to tell me all the things I do wrong instead of right. I have gotten used to it though it is hard sometimes. Especially since he doesn’t seem to have problems complimenting others or perming and used to be loving towards me in the beginning.

Well I have been struggling a bit lately with being a SAHM and with my weight since having DS. I’m not over weight but have a belly donut.

It is our 1 st wedding anniversary tomorrow and we went out tonight for it. I got dressed up and put on a dress and heels because I know he likes it when I wear dresses which I don’t normally do.

Didn’t get one remark or compliment on my effort or how I looked however I thought ok nothing new unfortunately. Then throughout the night I felt like all I was getting was insults. At one point he mentions how I am a scatter brain and disorganized. Far from the truth as I run this house hold and everything else. Then as as we were walking we heard a whistle and he said is someone whistling at you and then I said I doubt it I feel like a cow in this dress to which he laughed and said yea a cow. I said so you obviously agree. His response was don’t be that girl who needs reassuring.

I left it. I am never that girl but once and awhile it would be nice to feel loved. He then sat at the bar and then made a comment about how I have shit chat and that I need to learn to walk in heels like other women.

My night just made me feel worthless. I’m upset and wondering if I am being too sensitive and taking things the wrong way. Do you think I am over reacting ?

OP posts:

Condragulations · 22/07/2018 08:07

I would personally leave over this. Your husband/wife is supposed to be a pillar of support for you when everything else in the world is wrong. They should be there to lift you up and make you feel like a queen even if you think you’re far from it- because you’re a queen to them

It shouldn’t be like this after a year of marriage, it shouldn’t be like this after 40 years of marriage. Get out.

wellBeehivedWoman · 22/07/2018 08:10

You are not overreacting, he sounds like a horrible man. Your husband should be your biggest cheerleader, not some spiteful arsehole who spends the whole night picking faults and saying cruel things. If he is like this all the time is he really the one to make you happy? Have you spoken to him about it? This lack of respect and unkindness would be a deal breaker for me.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 22/07/2018 08:14

Oh OP, he’s a bastard. Why did you marry him as you’d been together long enough to know what he’s like. You deserve better and you know it. LTB.

Shoxfordian · 22/07/2018 08:18

He's a knob.
Can you go stay with friends or family op? He's horrible to you. Has he always been like this?

crazydoglady6867 · 22/07/2018 08:19

singlenotsingle. Do you honestly believe it is someone else’s job to make you happy. It is our own responsibility to make ourselves happy you should not rely on someone else for your happiness. Sounds like the OP needs to reinstate her self confidence and tell him to stfu if he can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all.

SholaHammer · 22/07/2018 08:24

He's really done a number on you.

Who the fuck does he think he's talking to?!

He knows you won't do anything when he pulls out every nasty jab he can think of.

As others have said you're under reacting.

AgentJohnson · 22/07/2018 08:36

So what’s the plan? Him to have a epiphany and suddenly be Mr complimentary. If he’s always been like this, then it really is time to stop expecting a different him to turn up.

It’s time to decide, are you going to invest in your own self worth and be your own cheerleader or are you going to sit back and give your partner permission (and in the case of your cow comment, supply the bloddy ammunition) to go make you feel less than?

Singlenotsingle · 22/07/2018 08:45

crazy yes I do. My dp makes me happy. He is a kind and considerate man who says and does nice things for me (and I do the same for him). That's how it works.

thethoughtfox · 22/07/2018 08:48

He is a horrible dick who seems to be constantly undermining you then saying dropping in that women who need love and reassurance are weak so you don't expect it from him and feel worse about yourself because of your normal human reaction to his abuse. I'm so sorry, OP.

Rosie342 · 22/07/2018 08:50

1 stone over weight isn't that bad. I'm about 3 stone over weight and my DH wouldn't dare mskesuch nasty comments. Your DH is a prick, you need to tell him he's a prick and leave him. He won't get any nicer and obviously enjoys making you feel so bad. It's a form of emotional abuse and the end result is to whittle you down so he has control. Leave and you'll find yourself happier and able to lose the weight you have gained. My ex used to be like this after my first DD I.left him, met my husband who was lovely even though I was avout 6 stone overweight. I lost ALOT and was happy but put it back on after DD2 with now husband.

MrsMozart · 22/07/2018 08:50

And you are with him because...?

A relationship is meant to support you. Make you feel a million dollars. Make you laugh. Make you light up. Obviously not all the time, but that should be the overriding feeling, not this sense of sadness.

SugarIsAmazing · 22/07/2018 08:56

It sounds to me as if you've previously been confident and outgoing, and that now you've given birth you feel less attractive and have low self-esteem. Your husband sounds as if he only agrees you look like a cow because you're not going to believe him anyway. The "don't be that woman" comment makes me think you've changed into someone who needs reassurance when before you were confident.
My partner loves me to bits but won't pander to me if I feel unattractive. If I said I felt fat, he'd roll his eyes and say "obese" or if I said I looked like a cow he'd moo or something.

MessyBun247 · 22/07/2018 08:57

He’s gross. A vile human being who enjoys belittling you and crushing your confidence. He has worn you down so much you can’t see the severity of it. You don’t need this shit in your life. He’s a bully. Get rid.

MidniteScribbler · 22/07/2018 09:05

I hope he's awesome in bed, because it doesn't sound like he has any other redeeming qualities.

Why do women stay with these doucebags?

MaMaMaMySharona · 22/07/2018 09:05

I’d sit him down and explain what his behaviour has upset you, tell him why it’s not acceptable and let him know that it’s not YOU who is the issue. His response to this will tell you what you need to do next. Being a stone overweight doesn’t mean anything if you love someone, what a shitty thing to make someone feel worthless

LagunaBubbles · 22/07/2018 09:08

I’d sit him down and explain what his behaviour has upset you, tell him why it’s not acceptable

He knows its upseting her, that's why he's doing it.

Groovee · 22/07/2018 09:08

He's completely ruined your self esteem. You need to work on loving you for you. I feel so sad for you.

GoodFortuneAttendThee · 22/07/2018 09:10

I never say things like this, but your problem is your husband, it's not you. I'm so sorry OP.

Toohotme · 22/07/2018 09:14

He is really horrible and it sounds like he was deliberately nasty to you. Why would you ever want to go out with him again?

Ohyesiam · 22/07/2018 09:17

You are under reacting. Why would anyone want to speak to you like this?

SoyDora · 22/07/2018 09:20

Overreacting? You’re underreacting. You’re supposed to be the person he loves, the person he chose to spend his whole life with. And he can’t even say something that would make you feel good/happy? Nah, it wouldn’t be the relationship for me.

Deathraystare · 22/07/2018 09:22

Stop feeding him lines!

Your response to "Don't be that girl that needs reassuring"? "Don't be that prick that thinks it is clever to put your wife/partner down, it is boring".

WomanWithAltitude · 22/07/2018 09:24

He's awful. What do you get out of this relationship? His insults and snipes are grinding you down, making you a smaller, unhappier person.

A decent partner would build you up, not break you down.

WomanWithAltitude · 22/07/2018 09:25

The "don't be that woman" comment makes me think you've changed into someone who needs reassurance when before you were confident.

Wtf? He's the one who has ground her down to that point! He's the one constantly putting her down.

adviceonthepox · 22/07/2018 09:28

I had an ex like this. 10 years were together and he would never tell me I looked nice or give me a compliment. If I had my hair cut he always said well I suppose it will grow back etc. He was the same with the kids was never interested in their accomplishments or if they had done well. It took me till my son won an award for outstanding effort in school. He was so excited and when he showed his dad his dad just went yeah great chucked the certificate on the table and turned the tv on. My son was crushed.No way was I going to allow someone to destroy my kids self worth. That was the end for me and I kicked him out. My kids are teens now. They know their dad is a waste of space. They have a step father who has celebrated all their achievements and who has done everything for them in the last 8 years. He has shown them how to behave and how to treat people well. Ask yourself what do you want for your child. They will grow up and treat you and other people the way they see your husband behave. I didn't want that for myself or my children.

Flip

1 2 3 4