AIBU to be upset and hurt over DH comments

[MamafromOz]

My husband has never been one to say nice things to me. He is more likely to tell me all the things I do wrong instead of right. I have gotten used to it though it is hard sometimes. Especially since he doesn’t seem to have problems complimenting others or perming and used to be loving towards me in the beginning.

Well I have been struggling a bit lately with being a SAHM and with my weight since having DS. I’m not over weight but have a belly donut.

It is our 1 st wedding anniversary tomorrow and we went out tonight for it. I got dressed up and put on a dress and heels because I know he likes it when I wear dresses which I don’t normally do.

Didn’t get one remark or compliment on my effort or how I looked however I thought ok nothing new unfortunately. Then throughout the night I felt like all I was getting was insults. At one point he mentions how I am a scatter brain and disorganized. Far from the truth as I run this house hold and everything else. Then as as we were walking we heard a whistle and he said is someone whistling at you and then I said I doubt it I feel like a cow in this dress to which he laughed and said yea a cow. I said so you obviously agree. His response was don’t be that girl who needs reassuring.

I left it. I am never that girl but once and awhile it would be nice to feel loved. He then sat at the bar and then made a comment about how I have shit chat and that I need to learn to walk in heels like other women.

My night just made me feel worthless. I’m upset and wondering if I am being too sensitive and taking things the wrong way. Do you think I am over reacting ?

He sounds like a charmer! You don't deserve that treatment op.

Tell him to learn how to walk in heels, cheeky mother fucker!

You can do so much better than him. Being on your own with your DS is better than being with him! He's a cock and a prick and takes pleasure in hurting you and bringing you down. Don't let him win! You've only been married 1 year, you should still be in the honeymoon phase (regardless of how long you were together before). You don't need the shit he throws at you and you don't need him. Honestly just LTB.

Only a stone? I'm two stone but there are more important things ...

Why did you marry him?!

Bet he walks like a model in heels!

Seriously, what positives does he bring to your life? Anything, or is he just full of negativity?

I consider being a stone overweight my best weight! Loving partners would not treat you the way he does. My DH has made me feel I am attractive, sexy and very desirable and he has seen me three stone heavier than I currently am. This man does not love and cherish and honour you. He seems to be deliberately unkind, to dislike you, denigrate you and demean you. He sounds to me like he doesn't really like women very much.
You can do so much better and deserve so much better. But you will get what you accept from him and any man. LTB and never look back. He is not a nice person.

What on earth are people saying on here,, ie get out of this marriage,because your husband says the wrong things to you,, as in what you wear, and all etc.. Can't believe that women write about stuff like this on here.

What a horrible, unkind man. Does it make him feel good when he's so cruel and spiteful? Is he nasty to (or about) other people - child, family, friends? You don't have to be his punchbag, verbally or otherwise.

A stone, three stone overweight doesn't give him the right to be horrid to you.

1forAll
People are telling her to leave him because he denigrates her and makes her unhappy and fell unloved. Not because he says the wrong things to her.

Incidentally how do you know it is all women doling out this advice?

He sounds awful. And a drain on your self esteem

I echo the sentiments of others. You are way, way, way UNDER-reacting. He sounds like like a real pig. He treats you like garbage, when he is the garbage. It doesn't sound like he even likes you, let alone loves you to be honest. Either sit him down on and ask him to go to couples counselling, or it might be time to leave. You really don't want your son to watch how he treats you and think that is normal, thus continue the cycle when he gets older with his girlfriend (or boyfriend).

Thats not what a relationship should be like. Stsy in this awful marriage and he will erode any self esteem you have left.

Why did you marry this prick? Surely you saw enough of his charm in the first seven years to know what he’s like?

He sounds resentful. Do you think he feels trapped in any way? Wants to be living the single life? Seems an odd way to behave after only a year’s marriage. Whatever the reason, he has no business talking to you like that.

I am not a fan of Andrea McLean but on LW the other day she said one of her husband’s used to say to her he felt powerful when he made her cry. Maybe your DH also feels powerful by making you feel like shit.

What if he treats your child like this? How much damage it will do to their self esteem! As well as the damage done by seeing him treat you like this!

OP, that sucks. He was so horrible to you on what should be a special occasion. You deserve so so much better than this.

If my DP said just one of those things to me I’d have turned around, gone home and told him to sleep elsewhere. You cannot put up with being treated this badly by the person who is supposed to love and cherish you. If you let him say these things then he will continue to do so. There needs to be negative consequences for him whenever he is rude or unkind. And if he cannot step up and act like a loving caring husband then you need to leave - for the sake of your own mental health and self esteem

stone overweight or not.doesnt stop you being a wonderful mum.a gorgeous wife and have a sexy body joggers or dress simply for being loved and you.
this is cruel and hurtful from him .and its grinding you down.
you say you've gotten used to it but firstly why should you have to and secondly you obviously haven't because you can hear it hurting you and that's not fair hun.
im so sorry someone is being allowed to make these comments to you and is slowy chipping away at ur confidence.
I think your amazing for sticking with it.brave and don't give yourself enough credit for carrying on through it.but you don't have to.nor should you have to.its really NOT FECKING ON!
you made an effort and for simply doing that you would be looking lovely.

Get rid of him. Your life will become so much easier.

It's not about you being needy it's about him not putting emotional effort into your marriage!

Does he expect a fucking medal if he so much as changes a nappy? I bet he does! In which case - it works both ways.

I'd be sorely tempted to give him a dose of his own medicine, no compliments, thanks or emotional support, only negative comments - I bet within a DAY he's asking what's wrong and why you're being horrible to him - at which point you say "aww don't be that husband that can dish it out but not take it"

He's a selfish dick! Most if not all women feel at least a little insecure about their body and it's attractiveness to their partner after giving birth - even models and a-list actresses

At this stage of marriage it absolutely should not be this hard, it should be honeymoon period even with a baby.

In all honesty I've had fwb treat me better than your husband is treating you.

What on earth are people saying on here,, ie get out of this marriage,because your husband says the wrong things to you,, as in what you wear, and all etc

Well personally it would be the remarks about conversation that would kill any remnant of love I had for that man. And it takes two to have a conversation.

Ah OP, you didn’t feel like a cow in the dress because of a few extra pounds. You felt like a cow because HE makes you feel that way. What a bastard.

Going against the grain here...lose weight. Get fit and confident in how to you look, and then choose whether you want to stay in the marriage.

Oh and YANBU to be upset...he sounds awful.

He sounds like a pig, if he's like this on your anniversary, what's he like on a normal day?

1forall

What on earth are people saying on here,, ie get out of this marriage,because your husband says the wrong things to you,, as in what you wear, and all etc.. Can't believe that women write about stuff like this on here.

What exactly is controversial or difficult to you about this?

A man agrees with his wife when she says (in a fit of low self-esteem) that she feels that she looks like a cow. On their wedding anniversary. When she's made a huge effort despite having a small baby. He tells her never to complain to him about anything on pain of being "that girl". And puts her down and denigrates her. On their wedding anniversary. She has recently given birth to his child.

What exactly is worth saving about this marriage? What possible reason (other than convention and "staying together for the children") would there be for remaining with someone who obviously gets pleasure out of putting her down?

It’s not about your weight - this man sounds like he takes any opportunity to put you down and takes pleasure in it. You deserve someone who isn’t grinding you down and making it their goal to obliterate your self esteem.

A previous poster said

You need to stop that self criticism, you’ve got him at it too

This seems completely topsy turvy to me. Don’t allow his constant critism become your internal voice. He’s a dick and none of this is your fault.