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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my child to study during the summer holidays?!

74 replies

accepting · 21/07/2018 20:54

Well he is very far behind at school. In the lower sets in english & maths.

He does have a very "not bothered" attitude towards his school work. His concentration levels is overall very poor and he does come across (to others) as a lazy and cheeky child.

I just don't want him to have that kind of reputation at school and i would hate for him to continue like this all the way through his school years!

So now we are in a battle at home to get him to do some extra work during the summer break...aibu or should i let it go? He absolutely isnt having this and calls it tortureHmm

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 21/07/2018 20:57

well it's not working is it? Just creating drama and conflict

you don't say how old he is - but someone has to be in the lower sets - not every child's gifts lie in in sitting exams - doesn't make it the end of the world

RedSkyLastNight · 21/07/2018 20:57

how old?
If he's in Y10, then it's very sensible. If in Y7, I'd be looking to start Y8 afresh.

ghostyslovesheets · 21/07/2018 20:57

he's in reception isn't he!

BertrandRussell · 21/07/2018 20:58

How old? And what do the school say about him?

ZenNudist · 21/07/2018 20:58

Age? Yanbu if secondary. Get a tutor.

MaisyPops · 21/07/2018 21:01

It depends on age and their struggles.

If they're in y10, struggling and the consequence of struggling is messing on and being disengaged then I would be inclined to get them a tutor because once students start to see success and get praise then they are more likely to shift their view of education.

If they are y10, able but not performing well due to poor attitude, I might be inclined to let them be lazy and then let them have a fall from grace in the Y11 mocks.

If they are KS3 or lower then pushing for summer work seems to be a recipe for turning them further from education.

ManyCrisps · 21/07/2018 21:02

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BlueBug45 · 21/07/2018 21:04

Drip drip drip

Maybe the OP will give us her son's age.

adaline · 21/07/2018 21:05

How old is he?

Goldmandra · 21/07/2018 21:05

If he's angry and resistant and feeling like he's being tortured, he is unlikely to learn from it anyway. There has to be a certain level of well-being in place before children are able to learn anything.

I would focus on building self-esteem and following his interests and then, depending in his age, ask him what his ambitions are and work out together what he needs to do to achieve them.

If he's driving it because he sees a point to it, he is far more likely to be successful.

BlueBug45 · 21/07/2018 21:06

@ManyCrisps reading to a kid, getting the kid to read to you and finally getting them to read on their own is "English" for younger kids. Reading to them everyday isn't doing fuck all.

MsFrizzle · 21/07/2018 21:08

How old is he and are there other potential reasons for him having low concentration? Frustration at not being able to understand it can often look like that. I was in lower maths sets because I was dyscalculic.

BathTangle · 21/07/2018 21:08

Hugely depends on age IMHO. DS1 is 12, has some work set over the summer and that's all we'll do. DS2 is 10, he doesn't have as much set work but we will work on his maths as he is struggling with confidence. Is your DC confident and cheeky or using laziness/cheekiness to mask a lack of confidence?

Original poster
accepting · 21/07/2018 21:08

Sorry hes 10...
Should i completely let it go then?

OP posts:
Amanduh · 21/07/2018 21:08

Lol yes. Let it go.

Original poster
accepting · 21/07/2018 21:09

bath
He uses cheekiness to mask his lack of confidence

OP posts:
SneakyGremlins · 21/07/2018 21:10

Unless you want him to hate you.

Just speaking from personal experience there.

Original poster
accepting · 21/07/2018 21:10

missfizzle
Im gonna google dyscalculic
Yeah he seems to struggle to understand.

OP posts:
Snappedandfarted2018 · 21/07/2018 21:11

It could be he’s genuinely struggling, I don’t think you should make him work all through the summer. Why not get a tutor for when he starts y6

Original poster
accepting · 21/07/2018 21:11

sneaky
He does hate me now. But i thought he would hate me more if i didnt try to help!
Dear me! I think im not helping him thenConfused

OP posts:
Thesearepearls · 21/07/2018 21:12

Having recently come out of the other end of all this my best advice to you would be not to do anything structured

I think there are loads of opportunities for unstructured learning - things that are learning experiences but that don't look and feel like learning experiences IYSWIM

So for instance nights cuddling up and reading stories together is a must until they're 8/9 and that's lots of English practice

Go to visits to local National Trust houses and you can tell them stories about the people who lived there at the time and a bit about the wars etc going on - that's a bit of history

Take a ten mile hike and use a map and get your DS to work out the route - there's some geography

And counting/maths quizzes can be done all the time anywhere

If you're going on holiday learn a few phrases and make your DS order the food he is going to eat and pay the bill (I mean you probably should give your DS the money to pay for it - that's a bit of foreign language learning

A summer swimming or tennis course - that's a bit of PE and life skills

Get him to cook with you - that's a bit of home economics. It's even better when you get them cooking for you!!!

And none of it looks or feels like learning.

MsFrizzle · 21/07/2018 21:13

It's just like dyslexia but with numbers. They wiggle all over the page and I can't make head nor tails of them. I get it when somebody's actively showing me, but even if I revise stuff and memorise it, it'll go away in a test situation. It's super frustrating!

Maybe speak to his teachers about extra support? Being in the lower sets isn't a bad thing if it means he's getting the right support he needs for his ability level. I know it can seem disheartening, but being in a top set and unable to do it would be even more frustrating for him.

Original poster
accepting · 21/07/2018 21:14

snapped
I tried tutors and it cost me £20/hour...and most tutors would comment on his lack of motivation. Even when i try to teach him it help him he has this horrible attitude to learning...i wish he was more motivated to learn!

OP posts:
4GreenApples · 21/07/2018 21:14

Given the length of the summer holidays, I think it’s best for most children to do some studying.

Of course the tricky bit is figuring out how to motivate them to study if they’re reluctant.

Original poster
accepting · 21/07/2018 21:17

I really do genuinely want to thank you all for the wake up call...i will ease of the pressure...i will try not to make learning structured!

But how do i help him show a more positive attitude to learning?

OP posts:
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